F56
Depression
November 19 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
Miss Honey.... to answer your question, yes I would want to know, absolutely. And, at the right time, I will also tell of my own personal experiences with depression. Periods of depression are a part of who we are, it's an experience many of us live through at various times in our lives and all of our experiences shape us, form us, and are an integral part of who we are. Depression shouldn't be hidden or ignored. xxx Sophie
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RHP User
16 years ago
But I can tell you I suffer from depression and I'm not sure if it's worse that I also have anxiety... both conditions that I have battled pretty much my whole life that I expect to have to deal with it for the rest of it. I do pretty good most days.I've told very few people cos of the stigma that I know is attached.Hugs... Mrs P
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RHP User
16 years ago
I didn't mean to have a blonde moment on your serious thead that I have now replied to twice. I inadvertently posted with mine and Gaz's couple's profile, silly me... so my almost identical posts will show up soon, I suppose. My apologies. Sophie
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RHP User
16 years ago
Whilst I've never really had a major problem with depression (I did have PND with my last one), I have through most of my life suffered from anxiety. You are right that there is a stigma attached to it, but in reality it is an illness that can effect anyone. I found the worst part was trying to get my family to understand that even though I knew my fears were irrational (more-so after the panic attack), I felt scared (petrified would probably be a better word) none-the-less and no matter whether they could understand my feeling that way or the reason behind it, that was how I was feeling dammit and my feelings were valid! Telling me I was being irrational and stupid didn't help me any - in fact it just made it worse cause then I would be anxious about getting anxious and having a panic attack and being invalidated because of it. Anyway, that's my little verbal outpouring for the day....I will be reading this thread with much interest.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I don't suffer from it personally, but know and have friends that do, and one is also bi-polar so it can be hard to deal with her (not meaning to sound selfish), as you never know which mood she is going to be in.My brother suffers panic/anxiety attacks and he has a very short fuse, it is also very difficult to deal with him as he can flip at the slightest thing, and It really pains me to see him. He doesn't really like opening up to his family, I'm not sure why, but he bottles things up I guess to protect us? I did that once when I had a testicular cancer scare, but luckily for me it was only a scare and I like to think I'm a pretty strong person, I can deal with things on my own. Having said that it's always nice to have someone to share your problems and strifes with.Stress, depression are some of the most common life-issues and illnesses people have around the world, and the number who suffer from them will only continue to increase as time goes by. I don't really know what else to say, but I suggest everyone try telling a friend or family member, even someone they've never met before (a counsellor) to try and ease the pain, talking does help and there's nothing to be ashamed of.X
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RHP User
16 years ago
By the way, with my post I wasn't saying people who suffer from anxiety/depression/stress etc were weak and that you are a strong person if you don't suffer, far from it. If anything it takes a lot more strength to suffer from these illnesses and keep fighting day after day.I just wanted to throw that out there incase someone thought I was being a pompous arse hole!
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RHP User
16 years ago
i am open about my depression.its nothing to be ashamed of, i am proud of myself for admitting i had a problem.this is the hardest thing, finally coming to the realisation that there is something wrong. now i take a low dose anti depressant.and feel like a human, mostly.my family, kids and hubby all suffered because of my problem, it was the best thing i did to address it.also gave me a new found confidence which led to us trying this life style.mrs charly
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RHP User
16 years ago
Please dont take offence to what im about to write...it is in no way meant in that manner.Depression is a REAL illness and if people need help then i urge them to get it.OK...a few years ago...I had been going thru some shit in my life....family...being a single mum and not coping well...feeling like everyone thought of me as a failure...etc etc. I went to my doctor for another reason...and mentioned that I thought I could use some counselling....to get things into perspective.My doctor then asked me a few questions...and diagnosed depression.Well...can I tell you....that diagnosis did nothing to lift my mood. He pretty much said that unless I went on this medication for a long time...I wouldnt ever feel better.Not only did I feel like a loser...a failure....I was pissed off!!I was pissed that my doctor diagnosed such a serious condition when my symptoms were really quite trivial and normal!!I had only been feeling that way for a few days or so...and knew it would pass....so his actions made me feel like I was just another dollar in the pockets of the big pharmaceutical companies' pocket.I just needed someone to talk to...to have listen to me....and to tell me that all my feelings were normal.Hence the request for counselling. I knew what I needed. I felt he really let me down.I didnt end up taking the meds....had a bit of a pity party for myself....then picked up and moved on.Now...please dont think I am trivialising depression.Quite the opposite in fact.Depression is not the same as being depressed.I think too many are diagnosed with depression...when really all they need is some support and to know someone cares.Real depression is a real disorder and should not have any stigma attached for the sufferer.But when you see someone bouncing along....blurting out that they "have depression"...Im sure its like a dagger to the heart of real sufferers.Its like someone with a darkened mole telling a person in the throes of chemo that they have cancer.Not the same I know.....but Im sure the person having chemo just wants to slap them.Some people bandy around illnesses like they are medals to be worn with pride.Im not saying that anyone should be ashamed of being sick...but the ones that are really sick...wont be the ones crowing about it.But to answer the original question....I think you should only tell someone that you have depression when you can trust that their reaction will be a mature one. Just like you wouldnt tell just anyone other personal facts about yourself.I hope this has come across in the manner that I mean it to be.Just my opinion...BJxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
i am not sure how i want to word it...i feel strongly about it...i have friends who suffer from depression, one is bi-polar, but he is also so unbelievably selfish, it is all about him, him , him...it doesn't make me angry anymore though it used to and another who hides hers behind the most beautiful smile which makes her eyes sparkle...she has 3 young kids, 8,6 and 4...and a husband who does SFA around the house...and i mean absolutely nothing...she needs to be treated carefully otherwise her facade crumbles like a sand castle in a big wind...sigh...so many things i wish i could do...however, on a different note, i have realized that a person who does suffer depression...this is part of their soul's journey...something they have to/need to experience before their soul can move onto their next lesson...while i watch someone who battles depression and know i am powerless to help them deal with the strong emotions they are battling...errr....i don't think that makes sense...sorry......it is such a joyful experience to see them walk through that dark curtain of depression and take their place in the sandpit of happiness...i think the only thing i have experienced which is more powerful is watching the birth of my son...i take my hat off to you miss honey...errr...can i have it back when ya finished wif it...thanks...and no, it is not a dust cloth for the seat of your kanga...i admire you peachy, sonsie, trish (aka customer69), sophie...you have your own demons in your life, yet you take the time and trouble to try and help people with theirs......your number 1 in my book...Now miss_honey...me bloody tracta has gone to the tracta spa bloke for some loving treatment...u still gunna lend me ya kanga?...huh?...i'm expectin' ya any day now...where is ya?...cheers and big bugs, oops i mean hugs, hehe for all of yajose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
i was reminded of mental health issues when a friend sent me a cross post to a little boy in the UK that died after repeated beatings by his step dad. it was a sad indictment of a system that obviously places a low priority on mental illness. and obviously an underfunded social welfare system. social welfare and doctors had investigate the beatings etc quite a few times but had done nothing. sadly, mental health does not win votes.. "angries" on this forum may get comfort from any suffering/punishment the sicko's that were responsible for the child's death where metered. but it did not nor would not have saved his life. no one with this sort of mental disorder thinks about their punishment while their beating a child...but it does make me wonder, if mental health was properly funded, how many of those who suffer from depression, chronic or mild, would use that facility. it would be a very good thing if it was widely accepted, but i have my doubts.. maybe this is an instance where you rely on your friends to say "for fucks sake, go and get some help"LRE (sucking his pen thinking)
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RHP User
16 years ago
I have suffered from Depression and know the torment that it brings. Fully knowing what is happening and still falling to the dark depths is harrowing. I have recentle got out of hospital, mainly because of anxiety and exhaustion, but know how hard it is to face up to life when the demons arrive. Miss Honey, I love your posts, please keep up the good work!
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RHP User
16 years ago
i think that came across well MsBJ.i actually think councilors who not what they are doing are worth their weight in cocky feathers. why? because the help YOU work it out.. not just modify your body chemistry so you feel happier..LRE (wondering why his last post has all weird fonts?)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yes i will join the cue.I have suffered and even had a nervous break down at the age of 28.Anxiety, panic attacks, and agrophobia, left me helpless and trying to find myself all over again.Years of physical abuse at the hands of a First Husband and working full time and raising 3 children on my own did not help.I refused to seek help till it got too late and then i was a mess.Drugs, therapy...( mind you by so many doctors that i am sure have never suffered themselves), and heaps of love and support from Bryan got me through.I remember taking my first anti-depressant tablets, and lying on the bed and crying cause i felt helpless and this was not meI am pleased to say, i gained strength and have not been on meds in over 10 years....i have found ME and love every minute of it.Yes there were thoughts of suicide in the early times....and i would look at my children and then kick myself in the arse.I am so pleased and now know, that all of that time of my life was a learning curb for what comes later down the track.At this stage in my life, i have 3 wonderful children, a wonderful hubby ( Bryan)and a wonderful partner...( John) , my children all grew up and have great jobs, ( electrician, mechanic, and clerk)They have their own homes, families and i am a grandmother.I look back and think.....i must have done something right.....even though the pain was so bad....I used to think i let them down.....( when i was sick).. but i know now that they supported me and i will always continue to support them.There is a light at the end of the tunnel for depression...I know, You just have to try and find it.No doctors, tablets or person can help ...you must do this for you.!!!Tablets and doctors assist in the beginning, but unless you are prepared to take a plunge and allow yourself to recover,your journey will be a long one like mine was.I have helped many people on here RHP , with the same things as i talk off, and i am blessed that they find they can talk to me. I have sat at hospitals too with people from here when they had no one else.I would always do that, as only those that suffer will know what it is really like.Please dont take offence at anything i have said,it is just my own personal Journey through a period in my life that i can nt push the delete button on.Leesa
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tamworthguy46
16 years ago
Depression is something that all of us will have to deal with at different times in our lives, either with ouselves or with others......I look at it like its a normal thing.....life is full of up's and downs !.....Enjoy the ups ...And work through the downs ! Depression comes in many forms, And depending on the circumstances, The person is quite often not able to make a rational decision, seek help,and sometimes not able to function with their daily duties...... The most Important thing is, if you notice someone you know is showing signs of depression, show an interest, be a friend...encourage them to seek help..... That is the whole idead of organisations Like Beyond blue.......To get people to seek help....and for others to have an understanding of this condition..... We should all take a stand in this area.......There is no stigma assosiated with depression in my book.......It's just that different people cope with things differently...... I have asked allmost total strangers in the past....Are you ok ?....when it's obvious that they are troubled or withdrawn ! if they want to talk to me, thats fine, If I think I can help ? I will allways encourage them to seek help.....any GP will listen and give people some possible solutions, and medication, If apropriate ! Love and peace Tam
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RHP User
16 years ago
I mean on RHP as that I thought was the point of the post but... Depression and anxiety are not something I am ashamed of and they are often related conditions along with other conditions, mental and physical. I prefer to tell people that spend any time in my life, it helps soothe my anxiety to some degree and the councellors I've mentioned it to agree that if it works for me it's a good thing. I've done hours and weeks and months and years of counselling and groups on stress management, self-esteem, assertiveness, trauma and so on and I'm grateful to feel ok most days. However medication is something I consider a necessity which helps keep the bad thoughts under control. I do not feel it is my position or anyone elses to recommend how someone with depression or anxiety should treat themselves because it is an entirely individual thing and people need individual treatment but I am concerned that anyone who is on a course of treatment should talk with their Dr before changing anything. Coming off medication abruptly and without support can have unexpected and extremely unpleasant side effects.Mrs P
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RHP User
16 years ago
I agree, i never went off my medication until i was told i could. this was 7 years of meds...and 7 years of doctors..I remember the day i did...and i was terrified...of the green monster returning...Leesa
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RHP User
16 years ago
for your input on the medication.And congratulations! So glad to hear your success story!Hugs... Mrs P :-*
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RHP User
16 years ago
YES i do want to know if some one I plan on meeting is suffering from depression. Im here to meet men people for fun and games and find way too often men with depression take anti deprerssants which in turn cause impotency which in turn cause more depression!!!!Sitting listening to some one cry and moan about woteva is not my preferred method of spending an evening.I seriously would rather pluck my leg hairsIm not a therapist, I not only cant help you , I do not want to help you. There are many qualified therapists out there and its up to you to seek one out.Devine
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RHP User
16 years ago
I've never suffered from this condition though have close friends and associates who do. A sister-in-law who is in denial and needs help but gets angry when ever a family member tries pointing her in the direction of professional help. Meanwhile the brother is diverting her attention by keeping everything upbeat with lots of holidays and new experiences, which are only short term solutions, but if people are not prepared to help themselves, then it's very difficult for others to help them. My mother also suffered from anxiety attacks, with so much time spent calming her down. Often requiring oxygen and even hospitalisation. Breathing exercises and medication helped. I guess a lot of this is genetic, but do wonder how much is due to other influences. Having a positive attitude and not taking life too seriously helps. I have one very close friend who is extremely resilient. Really tough times as a kid, lost his father when young and mother had a battle feeding the family. He even spent much of his early years in a home. Yet what a delightful and entertaining chap he is, its as if his life experiences have made him a better person. On the other hand another close friend, who came from a privileged family, but was made redundant, suffers from depression. Oddly enough so do many of his family. He's on medication, but still has moments. We do our best to keep his life upbeat and it helps. Not helped though when other family members make demands on him as a result of their same condition. Is a lot of this a symptom of our times, or are we now more informed about these things? So many ailments these days have fancy names and so many drugs to treat them. I'm not qualified to offer any meaningful input other than to say that I'm glad I'm not a sufferer. Because of the profession I'm in, many of my colleagues are creative or performing people. Some of the funniest people also suffered from incredible mood swings. Its as if those who enjoy incredible highs also suffer incredible lows, then there are people like I who chug along at a constant mood not overly perturbed by the prima donnas or the panic merchants, seeing something amusing in every catastrophe. Mind you I would experience an incredible mood swing should I ever win Lotto. Sorry Missy if my ramblings are as useful as tits on a bull… though someone trying to milk a bull would make a great video for Australia's Funniest Home Movies.
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RHP User
16 years ago
i suffer from depression, during the last few years of my marriage i knew something was wrong..sleeping all the time, avoiding contact with people(which is kinda hard cos i work in hospitality) and all my husband said it was just me being a bitch and using any excuse not to be close to him...After he left last year i fell apart, i was in a small town, i had been left to tell every one that he had gone(he couldnt even tell his friends that he was going), was found curled up on my kitchen floor an absolute mess..Went to my doctor and broke down again..Went on medication, much to the dismay of family and friends, but i knew i needed something. Within 3 days people could pick up the difference, i was smiling, talking and feeling energised. Dont really take the meds any more but every now and then have a day where i fall into a hole, nothing triggers it consciously, so may take them again for a few days. Im lucky to have a lover that seems to pick up on my moods and gives me the boost i need..i have come out stronger and so much happier with myself and life...beyondblue and organisations like it do fantastic jobs. Mental illness is still something of a taboo subject. But its out there everywhere.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yes - I've suffered from depression for many years. The strange thing about it was that if you met me professionally you would not have thought it at all. I was able to hide it from most people as I felt that I "should be stronger..." and the male ego took over - you know.. "man of the house is not allowed to be weak..." crap like that. Ultimately I still slip back from time to time and often take a day or two here and there just to refocus on where I'm going and get myself moving again. I recognise the symptoms myself and take action to make sure I don't let myself slip down to the depths again. Depression can warp your sense of reality in a way that few can understand. It can sap your energy totally and make you really feel like shit for no good reason. Unfortunately for me - my wife @ the time told me to "snap out of it" and get on with life... she didn't understand.. still does not.. For those that suffer - there are varying solutions most using medication. For me - I refused the medication which may not have been a good idea. Instead I had some good friends that helped me recognise the issues and deal with them one step at a time. I had a business partner too that was very supportive and that has all led to good things in the end. For those that know someone that suffers - I can only ask that you be understanding but not patronising. Supportive, but not pitiful. They are still human and need help. Don't judge someone with depression. Don't tar them with the same brush as others you might know. Everyone is different. Anyway - I've rambled on enough. Thanks for reading. Wayne x
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RHP User
16 years ago
Great to have opinions by all ....everyone has a right to their opinion...Hugs from meAnd remember there is a light at the end of a dark tunnel..you just gotta be prepared to work hard and try and find it.Leesa.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Like Leesa, although I have no chance of putting it so eloquantly, I have suffered depression most of my adult life. I have been through the absolute highs and lows including one nervous breakdown and it is only the thought of what my children would think that at times has stopped me from departing this earth.I beleive in medication and religiously take mine daily....it keeps me stable and it keeps me ona nice playing field. My doctor/s monitor it regularly to make sure it is all working.I make no secret of my depressions these days - although 5 years ago I would not have been so brave! It surprises a lot of people but I know what I need to do to get through each day...and sometimes it is a day at a time. That said it shouldnt be seen as a bad thing. After 19 years of having a beard/goatee I shaved it off this year to support Movember which of course is a major sponsor of beyondblue who do some amazing work. Sorry, I will get off the promtion bandwagon.But seriously, if people realised that so many people suffer depression or mental illness (1 in 8 at last count) I think the stigma of it would be significantly reduced. So to the question do you tell or not, I say yes - providing you are intending on seeing someone more.......if you are having a one night thing, then I wouldn't bother.....and a person who is so closed minded that they see it as an issue....well keep moving people....I hope this makes sense.......Stu
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi All. I was first diognosed with depression december 2007. Doctors told me that I was probably suffering from it for a few years before that. 2008 saw me try many medications to find one that worked (still trying to find one that is best for me) from May to October saw me hospitalised for times (drug overdose and cutting) and arrested twice (being very very drunk). A month ago I was told by a very naive woman to "get over it it's not like you have cancer or soemthing." You can expect that that lady was escorted from my vicinity before I tore her head off. it is something where you couldn't be bothered getting out of bed. Where you are nothing, achived nothing and are feeling worthless and that noone cares if you live or die. where things you have been doing for more than half your life no longer interest you. Where you hate yourself and hate your life. it surprises me that I am still here. Everyone tells me to 'hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnell' But you get tired, tired of fighting. Don't want to see anyone, don't want to socialise. wanna be left alone. Sometimes I think it would be easier to have a physical illness. I would not wish depression on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. C'mon black dog, time for walkies..... Devine45 - fuck you and the broom you rode in on
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RHP User
16 years ago
Miss honey obviously wrote this because its true and close to her heart on different level...And obviously to others who have replied and told there story... I remember seeing at the end of Miss Honeys post this statement "Please respect this post, and those that may be reading it. If you want to draw attention to your self by being a smart arse, have a good think before you post. xx Miss Honey xx" And alot have done this.But there is always one who ruins a good post by smart arse comments and no respect... Miss Honey i am sorry to see your post be ruined due to one post that was uncalled for 1 Of The 3 Witches TIT xxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Wow guys thanks for your honesty and stories in here and to the ones that have written to me privately as well..and those that thanked me for the post. My post was not intended to make people divulge personal details. I actually expected more of a friend of a friend response, that is if I got a response at all. Thought that might happen as well. Gobsmacked really. BJ: I think it came out fine. I do think some doctors misdiagnose, over medicate etc as well. I had one friend who was struggling. She was coming to my house after she had gone to see a new psych that was recommended to her. When she dropped in and we had a chat about the doc, and I asked her what the doc had prescribed. She couldnt remember so leaned down to her bag under the table to check. I expected she would come up with a script or a bottle of something. Nup, she whacked about 10 boxes of Prozac on the table, all shrink wrapped together. Looked like she just did over a drug store. I was mortified!! Told her to go see someone else and not go back again. How on earth could a responsible doctor give that amount of new drugs to a new patient, without some followup to see how they go with them. Leesa: Well said. I understand that people suffering do think they are a burden, and agree that they need to be the one to take the step. It is a sad catch twenty two situation really for both the person suffering and those trying to help. I remember one friend I was really concerned was going to suicide, that I rung the councillors on the phone to see what else I could do. One thing they tell you is that you can only do as much as you can and then you have to leave it. You cannot run yourself into the ground trying to care for someone. You cannot blame yourself if they do it, nor can you watch them 24/7. As much as that sounds horrible it was true. They have to want to be helped. Of course they gave me some tips to encourage him as well. You also can get people that can rely heavily on others for the help as well, that it is draining, because it does seems that no progress is being made at all. It is part of the illness, and unless people understand that, they tend to walk away. When that happens enough, then they start to not tell people because they do think they are a burden. It's frustrating for both sides. Choo Choo: I do think counselling is a great help. At my work we have a psych available 24/7 if we need it. As much as there are help lines available 24/7 to the public unfortunately for what ever reasons, some do not have access and that is a shame. It will not assist everyone, but it is a step for some, and a comfort to others. I think I also agree with your other post if I can sort of translate it hehe. I also think it applies to domestic violence and other situations too. When I worked remotely in the outback I used to see things, similar and equally as bad. As much as you tried to get children out of situations like that, they ended back. You could only do so much. The job had a high turnover rate, and yes I was one of them as well. I lasted 8 months. But your hands are tied, there is no funding, no priority etc, you end up banging ya head against the desk, and you will burnout at an early age. I'm not saying they are neglected out there, there is always someone to replace the next. You need the right person for that job, I was not it. Tam Tam: Ya sweet man. There is no stigma we know that, but there are some that do think that. I think a lot of it, is education. As with anything that is not understood, it can be made fun of etc. I think it is a lot more understood now, with the campaigns that were run by Beyond Blue, but there are some forms of depression, that still carry a stigma, because of bad press such as manic depression. Devine: I expected nothing less from you. You just never seem to play nice. If you have nothing nice to say, then go elsewhere, there are plenty of other topics where you can spread your sunshine. Show some respect!! Bella & Eunuch: Hehe. Wish I had a block button in here like I do in chat, would solve the issue. Ignore it, and it will go away. Nice: You were one of the people that dropped a nice msg to me. Thanks. I ask the question on why you would want to know or would tell for a couple of reasons. One in particular, that perhaps those that have been brave to voice their stories could answer. With depression, it is beneficial to have support. Again, talking about people that you get to know well on here and TRUST. Wouldnt it be a good thing to tell people when you are coping well etc, so when/if you start to struggle they are aware of what may happen, what you would perhaps like them to do in that situation. eg. leave you alone, don't try and cheer you up, ring your family that sort of thing. My thought is that when you go downwards, of course sometimes there may be negativity, irrational etc, and if someone is prepared, it is more likely to help, then say drive them away because they have no idea what the hell is going on with you, and then in turn adding to your burden? It would also be a way of seeing what their reaction might be. So yourself can know in advance if this is someone that will be there. If they do not take the news well, you are coping, and would be likely to deal with that a lot better, and likely to be more disappointed in your friend then think it is you. Please enlighten me. Thanks xx Miss Honey xx <
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RHP User
16 years ago
But... There's a lot to be depressed about these days... The drug companies are benefitting the most from these ailments… but do they provide cures or are they mainly a lucrative source of cash flow for those not in need? Tend to think that the system is ailing the most. The news is forever carry complaints about the hospital situation. As a consequence, don't have much faith in the political system either. There is evidence of increasing social decay... Our modern urban society is such that its common for people to not know their neighbours, the house needs to be locked up like Fort Knox or else it gets pilfered, road rage is becoming a regular news item as is granny bashing, rocks are thrown at passing vehicles with the aim to kill or maim, graffiti adorns anything that stands still and a lot that doesn't, not to mention firebugs who are now so prolific you would think there is a new summer sport and knifings are a regular occurrence in Northbridge. I do hope this is not a trend that is going to get worse. Being a country boy, there was a time people knew each other (though some were sticky beaks) and houses were left unlocked. A community spirit existed and your neighbours, friends and relatives formed a natural support system. The local cop had a pragmatic approach and never wore a firearm. Big cities like New York and Los Angeles had these problems decades before they hit here. Now violence and mayhem is the norm in the cinema, TV and even computer games… yet sex is still largely taboo. Many native cultures were more supportive than modern society, yet many of these were crushed during early european expansion. We obviously cant learn from history… as the same mistakes are made over and over again. Accountants and greed rule. I read where the big supermarkets are now buying veggies from China to increase profit margins. To hell with Australia, to hell with you and I, the big wigs have no compassion. Livelihoods are being lost, people are made redundant, the banks make record profits and charge exorbitant fees. Then the chief executive officers are rewarded by outlandish salaries for contributing to this. No wonder people are alienated… Unfortunately some cant handle it, whilst it makes others stronger.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yes me too - many years of depression and panic attacks. I strongly believe that medication and therapy are the only way to get through depression. It is a strange world where mental illness is no longer such a stigma it once was but funding for mental health problems is still far behind what it needs to be! Do I tell people - yes I do, but only the whole story comes out to people I trust!
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RHP User
16 years ago
I would want to know that someone had a mental illness, but not because it is a negative thing, but because I think then you can understand and support the other person better if you know their story and their challenges. I have had a serious mental illness for years (Bi Polar) and it had affected by life in both negative and positive ways. If I am getting close to someone, I always declose my illness, because I feel they have a right to know and also BECAUSE I AM NOT ASHAMED OF IT!!!!!!!!!! In fact it has given me insight into life that I would not have otherwise, and I have used this insight in my working life. I am a well rounded person and my illness is just one little part of me. Cheers and hugs to all the other rhp'ers who have been so honest and frank in this post. It is only when mental illness loses all it's stigma that we can effectively deal with the issue as a community. xxxxxxlovebittenxoxoxxo
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RHP User
16 years ago
Ready to be shot down.lolwas the header of your post devine, so that means you knew that you were going to upset a few lovely people that shared their life stories with you.So to post that you were attacked is so strange.Considering you were well aware that you would be.Have a great day, and i wish you all the best, lets hope you never suffer from this illness, but if you do , i am sure you have family and friends around that will listen to you and give you the support that is so much needed when it strikes, unlike what you say you would do for others.I will leave it at that and leave with the knowledge that me being a sufferer, whether current or not....i understand and hope that you all get better or at least learn to deal with the journey you have been dealt..Leesa. xxoo
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi Devine, I've met plenty of people who want casual sex and expressly don't want to meet people with "baggage" because it weighs them down. Of those people I kow very well, I am privy to the fact that they have their own baggage to carry and really just want to fuck without knowing anyone's name or life history. Fair enough. I'm very much like that myself. The one thing I would disagree with you over is the value of counsellors... as many of them take up that vocation because they have "suffered" and I fear most of htem really like drawing out other people's pain so that they can have a little respite from thinking about their own. As Missy rightly said.. each person has their own way of dealing with their baggage... some like to talk about it.... others don't. Some people like to share their baggage... and others don't. Some people like to bonk themselves into delirious oblivion, others want to "talk about it". I didn't find your comments offensive even though they were abrasive. I've read this post... wasnt going to say anything but it is Friday... and I like Friday. Hugs Gazza
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RHP User
16 years ago
A careful reading of devine's message reveals that there was nothing vindictive in her comments, though one can deduce a lack of empathy. But then she is being honest when answering Missy's question, by saying she DOES want to know the situation, but CANT and DOESN'T want to help, whilst offering a sensible solution, that of seeking a qualified therapist. Does she need such an emotive response? Devine expected it… so was she purposely baiting people or just knew how emotive things would get? It is true that she made no derogatory statements, just the brutal honesty of a person wanting men for fun and games from this site, rather than their baggage. I did not read that she was opposing the topic, other than hint that not all people here are qualified. The many responses to Missy's post indicates how important it is to people here… and though this is a sex site… it is also by nature a site where things can be expressed which would not normally get an airing elsewhere. That being very frank and explicit conversations. The only reason I'm here is because of that last point. As much as I like a romp in bed as the next person… I'm scared shitless of catching something and then dread the possibility of passing it onto another. Though my body may be clean, my mind is not always… and what a wonderful site this is to express all manner of things that impact upon people at play. Just trying to put things into the correct perspective… even if at times that perspective may be a bit demented.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Depression can come in many forms and severity which have been mentioned...An illness which has a stigma attached to it.This is where education..understanding..empathy..is very much needed..so people can better see the signs..so some may be to be subtle...as one never knows who can be affected by depression(.IT can affect the family n friends)to some degree.The worse being post traumatic disorder....panic attacks...anxiety....guilt, shame low selfesteem...dark thoughts..(.may not be aware of this affect)stats show more and more men suffering some form of depression as well as women and youths...and increasing.Devine..they know that those people who need help( by chatting can open the way for that person.).to get the help of psychiatrist / psychologist....its not till one can see (clearly) in hindsight,that despite the bad times..some possitives have come out the situationhugs to all..no one is alonexoxoxheymumma
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RHP User
16 years ago
Firstly, let me reply to Miss Honey's question. YES I would want to know, it doesn't need to be in her profile but I do think it is something that shouldn't be hidden away. And the reason I would want to know is simple, so I can adjust the way I act towards her. I am normally a happy, cheeky and at times silly old fart, which is probably the last thing someone experiencing depression needs around them. I would want to know so I can talk to her, and more importantly LISTEN to her and hopefully offer some advice or just a soft shoulder to lean on. I have been lucky, I have never experienced depression but after 30 years in the military, I have seen it too much first hand. To have to forcibly remove weapons from a mate because he got a "Dear John" letter in Iraq, to have one of the troughest, bravest men I have ever had the priviledge to know cry uncontrollably on my shoulder all night because his infant daughter was sick and he felt so helpless in Afghanistan, to bury friends who just thought no one ever listened to them. I was lucky, I had the smarts to talk to the experts early to find out how to deal with those situation, how to listen and what to say. I don't know if I just fluked it, but I had some wonderful Chaplins when overseas who took the time to sit down with me and tell me what signs to look for in my troops and my coworkers so I could attempt to get problems sorted out when the problems were still small enough to sort out. Unfortunately, sometimes there is little an untrained person like myself could do, the person was so far down that deep well of depression and anxiety that they would not listen nor trust anyone. That is when I made sure the professionals took over, even if it meant the end of the guys career. Remember I had an onus of duty to protect not only those with depression but those around him as well. My experiences in the Military could be different from most but I found we didn't use anti-depressant drugs. Most of us had too many vaccines etc running thru our bodies to take too many more drugs. Sometimes sedation was given, only to give the poor guy rest. But mainly we were taught to try to find the reason, the trigger that spawned the depression and to come up with a realistic mitigation to break the cycle. Sometimes it was as simple as a private phonecall home with no time limit, sometimes a quick flight home just so he can see all is okay. I know the situation I was in was vastly different to the norm and what I experienced was different to PTS (that is a whole different story). But these guys had depression, it was real and it was one of the most scariest things I have ever seen.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I feel one should tread carefully... one doesnt need an enabler...one should tread carefully weighing up the situationthat one may /find themselves in...before leaping.I think its on the list of who needs to know what ?...and what relevance does it play if its..because it only for hooking up for fing or a one nighter..??? Id see no need to say..there's other important stuff one needs to know...trust!safety!and if there's chemistry....xoxoxheymumma
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RHP User
16 years ago
Mooka, I completely understand where you are coming from. I had a boyfriend from the Military that went through similar stuff. I'm curious if the military has ongoing psych testing on active duty. In our job it is mandatory and part of our ongoing medicals not just on entry and exit. If anyone exhibits unusual behaviour with out good reason, ya get a polite request from the chief to march yaself off to the work shrink. xx Miss Honeyxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
some of you peeps are so full of shit!!you like nothing better to tear a person to shreds...without ever considering what might be going on in their lives.so to say you would be sympathetic to someone with depression...it would be only if they told you....coz you arent looking for the signs....or considering that there might be a problem.Such hypocrisy.my opinion...BJxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
without going into the depth of the topic as some have above which is awesome to see such an interest it has generated, my understanding is exercise assists immensely, particularly cycling it help gets the adrenaline flowing through the body and the brain which is essential for clearing all those thoughts and troubles.
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RHP User
16 years ago
to be sympathetic to someone with depression...???????????????????/pffffffttttttt....this is not like being sympathetic to someone who has a cut on their arm!!!!!....I have never suffered from depression (i have been depressed) and anxiety attacks...so i have absolutely no idea what a person suffering from depression feels like...just like i have no idea how a person feels who has lost a leg...or an arm...or a hand...or a woman having a baby...or the baby dying in utero...the gamut of emotions which they might experience, i cannot possibly conceive to imagine...my heart goes out to them, my sympathy, my compassion...but i sometimes feel at a loss as to what to say, what to do...not a problem i would desire on my worst enemy...so i try with humour, because if i can make someone laugh..or at least smile...then i have given a small part to them, a tiny memory, a moment of pleasure... Fifty dollars is fifty dollars...Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars." One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 is dollars is 50 dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 50 dollars." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."Cheers...Jose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
attack on you MissBJ...not how i intended it to read...i was agreeing with most of what you said...sorryjose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Miss Honey..and all the people who have submitted..thank you..I am sitting here as the tears stream down my face, blurring these words as I type. I have been so unreachable for so long, alone and feeling not good enough. It has only just occurred to me in the past few weeks that I may be depressed. You have all shared so courageously something that I can barely think about, such is the shame I feel about it.I have nothing to be depressed about and yet, I cannot emerge from these negative feelings which seem to be enveloping me. It scares me, because...what will people think...that I am some raving fruit loop, I have 'baggage' or coodies, something unspeakable. How does it feel someone asked...to see no value in ur existence, to acknowledge the dishes piling up on ur counter but not having the motivation to wash them, to withdraw from the sun and those who u know love u and are struggling to understand, to be sinking without the will or want to kick ur legs and reach out for life. To be a yoyo of up's and downs but the down periods becoming darker and more menacing. This for me is depression, a slow downward spiral, a loathing of myself that grows steadily with each passing day, a niggling whisper of how easy it would be to let ur car just leave the road..so quick, so painless. This is dark and this is scary and I am alone.I remember a beautiful red haired young woman I worked with some years ago, the room shone when she entered it, she was vibrant, alive..we never knew, none of us, the blackness that was eating her from the inside out until her flatmate discovered her hanged from the lounge room ceiling, a life snuffed out and none of us could reach her. How fragile we are, when the spectre of depression rots away what is good and clean within us, leaving just existence and an empty core. My hands are shaking as I hesitate whether to post this or not, it will irrevocably change how people see me..how they think of me and how they interact with me. I am weak and yet I am strong because in writing honestly my feelings, I am exorcising my demon, I am wresting control over his evil black heart and claiming back some small part of me. Thank you for allowing me too and thank you Ms Honey for going there in the very first place.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I have read Alyndrew's post on depression and find it hard to believe, even though I (Mr Ric) have been a lifetime sufferer myself. Thankfully, mine is now well under control but I have felt all the things that she spoke of. We have met Mr and Mrs Alyndrew and they are a charming and lovely couple. Mrs is a wonderful woman, full of life...she sparkles with intelligence, a lovely life force and the antithesis of her black feelings. She is great company. Her depression is unfathomable and we wish only that we could help her and perhaps we could if she would let us. Her husband is a lovely man who is obviously sympathetic but like all of us faced with such suffering, often bewildered by the symptoms and the apparent lack of cause.We hope from the bottom of our hearts that she gets the sort of help she needs and deserves because she is a truly lovely person.
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RHP User
16 years ago
How wonderfully, beautifully brave you are to share your feelings so openly to give people an insight into the hell that is a depressed person's mind at times. I admire your courage!I cried to read about your beautiful red haired young woman friend and how fragile we can be... and thought about how the beautiful colours that make up the variety of our lives can all start to fade to grey until, if we are not wary, the blackness rules and there is no light to be seen anywhere.Something I had already thought to add to this thread was that, in some cases, finding the cause and treating it can help. Women for eg can have issues with hormones at times of their periods, pregnancy, child birth and menopause. Visiting a woman's health centre can give women a lot more understanding of issues that are specific to us as well as finding others who are in similar situations which can help us realise that we are not alone as well as possibly being a support.Huge hugs... Mrs P' :-*
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RHP User
16 years ago
its ok...I did not take your post as an attack on me.But I will say one thing....treat EVERYONE you come in contact with like they COULD have an underlying condition.Because....at the end of they day....how would you feel if the words you spoke out in anger were the ones that tipped them over the edge???Something to think about.Just my opinion...BJxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Firstly Mrs P, thank you for ur words. I do know that lots of physical factors can be affecting how I feel right now and do in part think it may be hormonal and circumstantial..kids leaving the nest, in between jobs, etc etc.I need to take myself in hand but just seem to have lost my way at the moment. I have always been the one who did just that, took control and made things happen..it is almost laughable when I contemplate myself now. But u are right, the things u spoke of, are pertinent and are the things I must address. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me personally.RicHow still the waters may appear, how turbulent the currents that pull and eddy beneath. Have no fear, I am the person u met but close by, waiting in the cold early morning hours of morning is the darkness..waiting to settle and close around me. It is a struggle some days for me to emerge whole...so no, it is not complete as yet..but if I dont take the necessary steps, it will and I will be lost irrevocably. Even poor Mr Drew had no real idea, because I wrap it tight around me, so as to not upset the equilibrium of those around me. I am, if nothing else, the foot soldier who keeps on plodding.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I wrote this years ago , i liked to write poems when i was at my lowest.I thought i would share this one with you all.Anxiety:The nights they are so scary,My heart it pounds so loud,My hubby he doesnt know,how sad i feel right now. I try to shop,I try to bank,I try to make it right,But this demon thats inside of meWont allow me to be bright.I have to work to pay the bills,I am a single mum,my darling 3 children,Need to have their fun.I feel i have no more energy left.My days they go so slow,I fear the pain, the fear itselfThis anxiety i dont know..Someone help me i cry at night,someone talk to me today,Make this pain that i feel constantly,Please go away.Red lights they scare me,I feel that i am trapped,Oh my god that cue in there,I cannot line up in that.I panic and i cry,My children do not know,Why am i so like this,I need the answers so.My partner he doesnt understandI try to hide my pain.We fight we yell,He cannot see the pain in me is hell.I lie down now and try to sleepMy head it hurts from crying,When will i be strong enoughTo make this demon start dying.
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RHP User
16 years ago
The days they travel at a thousand miles,the nights i fall a sleep,no one seems to care about life,we take it to the deep.You see our dreams are part of us,Our anger, pain and healing,For in the morning our minds will race,The nights dreams they have no meaning.Anxiety is a place of fear,A dungeon most dont know,Until you grow and allow the peace,The anger will always flow.Will i run or will I hide,The answer is not clear,For the days seem slow and the pain is strong,My sanity i fear.I breathe, i pant, i cry sometimes,My children do not see,my husband falls behind me,He says this is not me.I say i am this person,this person that you see,Your support is all important,Or I cannot just be me.Leesa Maree HornCopyright ©2009 Leesa Maree Horn
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RHP User
16 years ago
I agree that a vast majority of people will or do suffer some form of depression sometime in their life, whether it be full on or just sad days.I was bought up to be quiet, respectful and "not rock the boat" - it wasn't until a therapy session after I lost the plot earlier this year that it came out my mother suffered depression after my older sister was killed, causing her to shut out the surviving children - hence the "keep quiet, don't rock the boat & you won't get belted". I'm not joking either. Back then (mid 70's) counselling was not recommended for children who experienced trauma - nor was it recommended for adults. I often wonder, had the family gone through counselling, would I be a different person now??? I would like to think I would be slightly more open, would know what it's like to feel loved and respected - things I was never shown as a child.Do I suffer depression? Yes, mildly and it manifests itself in the form of PMT. Do I shut myself off from people? Occasionally, the feeling of no one wants/loves/cares about me is strong at this time. Can I get help via medication? No. Apparently in mild form, medication accentuates mood swings. I try to soldier on, sometimes I'll swing bitchy comments friends way, but my closest friends have become aware of the changes and work with me to cheer me up. 99.9% of the time it works too :-) They know not to ignore me, hang up on me or use the "tough love" tactic, this just makes it worse.In the end, it can be up to the individual to determine the level of medication or no medication they need, but without loving caring people around, depression can become fatal - I've witnessed 2 wonderful friends sink so far they could not be pulled back and I miss them immensly.I vote for advising people as soon as possible - a meltdown like I had is a friendship killer, but if the other person is aware, they can quite often help.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hello Miss Honey, I've suffered depression from time to time and one thing I've experienced is that some times your closest friends are not able to help. It's not that they don't feel for you, it's just that some people don't have the understanding to deal with it and your much better off dealing with professional help. In my case, one of my past girlfriends formed the opinion that I had turned into a kiss ass wimp and was just trying to get sympathy, that was a relationship breaker as she had always chased after me because I was the strong outgoing adventurist type. Even now 4 years later she still looks at me with suspicion even though I'm healthy again and haven't been ill for over two years. O.k. let me make a point here, it's not her fault, nor mine, some times crap happens and people can take a long time to get over a friends illness. So don't take it personal if an ill person chooses not to share or is unable to share. If you suspect someone is ill, just give them time, sometimes a long time, and encourage them to get professional help, "beyond blue" is a good starting point.Oh btw my depression was a type of mental exhaution brought on by other factors, not the clinical depression that some poor souls are inflicted with.cheers, RHG
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RHP User
16 years ago
You've really got a gift, Leesa. You make it so easy to feel what you feel when reading those poems. So few people are truly a poet. Thanks for sharing them. Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
After reading everyones thread...it showed me that i wasnt alone that i had felt..due to my illness i lived an isolatedlife. theres a song which says when you cry you cry alone when you smile the world smiles with you..no one wants to feel more alone than what they do thus i soon learnt to wear a mask..as some people couldnt cope or they just didnt want to know also every thing i did it had to be perfect then if it wasnt perfect....id wish the ground would open up and swollow me.My live hadnt been an easy or happy one from the time i was little.i sufferd a break down just before i turned 16...due to my home life...had a father who was a violent potty mouth drunk..i was mentaly physicaly sexually abused...after leaving home at 16..(was working)...i found myself in a worse situation...only lead to more harmful abuse and raped and gang raped then many years later at 18 lost my first baby then again at 21..ive tried to take my life many times...as for trust in the end...i didnt trust anyone.got fed up with being used and abused...but one learns to carry on the best they can.But its been only that ive got my two kids and on my own...that i sort help.after 45 yrs...i was diagnose with post traumatic depression..which can affect mental thoughts n processess...panic and.anxiety attactsi learned the why how and what..it was some of chemicals of the brain that had been damaged..(.flight or fight)Now i still have days..but are becoming the thing of the past...but ive never took out my illness on anyone in a harmful way even when i wasnt aware i had it, kept it inside me..i only ever tried to harm myself...My kids saved my life!!!so now i try to help others going through depression...as some signes as i said can be subtle..they maybe trying to hide it..like i did...i had the option of medication..(.some have been known to make the person worse off instead of helping)had medication when 16..didnt help..so i opted just for counseling...and group therpy...everyone is different in how they handle their illness ..as some may suffer differently..i have and always give people the benefit of the doubt,not judgementgreat post Miss_Honeyxoxoxheymumma
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RHP User
16 years ago
Thank you to all who have posted, and a special thank you to Missy Honey, you do not know it but you are an angel . I have sat hear reading this thread, i admit also in tears. Not because i suffer from this affliction. In fact i doubt i have ever been depressed. The reason i cry, is one week before this post, a very good mate decided he could not go on. His funeral was last week, and i along with al his other friends were completely stunned! We all feel as though maybe we could have done more, but having not suffered from this, i struggle to see the signs. It cost me a mate! So i would like to take this time to say thank you to Missy, as your actions in posting this have helped another forum member. Alyndrew, thank you for sharing with us,what you are feeling, and please know- you are not alone. I comend eveyone on this thread for showing
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RHP User
16 years ago
Thank you to all who have posted, and a special thank you to Missy Honey, you do not know it but you are an angel I have sat hear reading this thread, i admit also in tears. Not because i suffer from this affliction. In fact i doubt i have ever been depressed. The reason i cry, is one week before this post, a very good mate decided he could not go on. His funeral was last week, and i along with all of his other friends were completely stunned! We all feel as though maybe we could have done more, but having not suffered from this, i struggled to see the signs. It cost me a mate! So i would like to take this time to say thank you to Missy, as your actions in posting this have helped another forum member. Alyndrew, thank you for sharing with us, what you are feeling, and please know- you are not alone. I commend everyone on this thread for showing their heart and spirit, and wish you all only the very best life has to offer. I’m spent, god bless you all!
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RHP User
16 years ago
I know your hurting Daniel, Reach out and take hold of my hand I can’t help you if you won’t tell me, Please help me understand. I promise I’m not going anywhere, I will stand here close to you No I won’t pretend to know what its like and what your going through. Secrets you hold inside, that slowly eat away. Formidable demons, you face, every single day. Some take hold and you struggle against the fight Your brightest day quickly turns into the darkest night. Mate, sometimes things, just don’t make sense And sometimes you have days you have to pretend Some days it seems too much to bear All alone, your world crumbles and no one seems to care. You start your day standing out on a slippery ledge Consumed by fear, you want to step off from the edge Fuck it all, you can’t take it you want this pain to end Daniel I will save you, ffs mate just grab hold of my hand. No life is ever worthless, to someone you mean much Every individual is important, and who they may touch. Sadly sometimes their value is discovered far too late It doesn’t take a lot of effort, to change a chosen fate. Daniel, you are the only one that haunts me, That night a month or so ago. I can’t shake free I think about you regularly, and the answers that I seek Why did you not tell anyone? Why did you have to leave? Daniel this thread is dedicated and inspired by you. On your 21st birthday, your life was taken way too soon Rest in Peace
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RHP User
16 years ago
Oh.Miss_Honey...i havent cried...in a long while till i read your thread of Daniel.my heart goes to you...as you still have to continue lifes journey.but your no on your own..When one does get to that dark place...one isnt thinking properly...we're not thinking how actions will affect others..as our minds are consumed by our emotions and feelings..worthlessness,whats the point,who cares anyway,useless,etc plus i grew up hearing it from my family and so called friends...(.yet im the only one that gives a shit about people)we want to end our pain.and usually before hand...some can tend to isolate themselves more and more and withdraw.then again it can be different for everyone....Just a small insight..i hope it helps.xoxoxheymumma
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RHP User
16 years ago
Although I have attended quite a few of these incidents, learn to desensitise, and debrief, I never know what to expect, and my stomach still flip flops on the drive there. I hope there is no friends, witnesses, and especially family present. A mother's hysterical screams when she realises she has lost a baby, will rip my heart from my chest everytime. How do those in medical professions deal with this I wonder, perhaps they are used to it seeing that sort of thing more regularly. Can you really get used to it? Perhaps I am too sensitive to another's pain. Daniel was a 1am callout. A good looking popular boy, who seemed to have everything and more, a good job, a girl, friends and family. He always appeared happy, did well, kept out of trouble and didnt seem to have a care in the world. He had spent the evening with his parents celebrating his birthday at a restaurant, came home, kissed his mother goodnight and went to bed. Two hours later Daniel was pronounced deceased 1km from his home. No one noticed anything different about Daniel, not at his party, the dinner, even the months leading up. How long he suffered no one was sure, or how long he thought of bringing it to an end. The usb he left behind that night did not answer all the questions, it probably created more. I guess it is why Daniel still lingers, he had so many to talk to, yet no one had a clue. Such a tragic waste of life. Why is it so hard to speak to someone, even a doctor or a phone counsellor, if not family or friends? I so feel for them, they must have a thousand plus more questions then me. I hope anyone reading this forum who is suffering in silence, is motivated enough to go seek help. To my friends you know where to find me if ya needs me and one in particular that needs to open up, I hope read this. You're all worthy of someone elses attention and time, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Back later to address the previous posts going to hug me puppy. Love and sunshine. xxMiss Honey xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
that were there when I needed them recently... Thank You for restoring my faith in people!Kisses n hugs... Mrs P
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RHP User
16 years ago
Wow, what reading!! To everyone, you have written amazing posts. You all have made me feel so less lonely. I lost my 2nd husband to suicide because of depression...he showed so many signs although I was blind to it all. Carried guilt for alot of years now. Carried guilt because I didn't know who to turn to for help. I was the only one in his world and he could not open up or express what he was experiencing with these bouts of depression..I just thought he was being quiet. We are so lucky these days with so many places to turn to, so many helplines, associations. Help is REALLY at hand. When my husband did commit suicide, I found it so hard to find help for me. The organisations were too far away, too hard to get to...My world came crashing down. I got through it without medication, just close family and friends. Looking back now well hell I have continually looked back and said "what if" many many times although when depression is "that" bad there is a fine line in fighting it and dealing with it and recognising or choose to just leave this wonderful planet of ours. It has effected my life forever and he was the love of my life and will remain the love of my life. That much I will not change. I myself have obviously suffered depression because of this instance and life's journeys. We must be mindful though, life is up and down and we are allowed to experience happy and sad moments within our life and along the way. It's not depression, it's just life. It's about recognising what is going on with self also. eg meeting someone new, giving up smoking, changing jobs, making new friends, weddings, funerals...just life changing moments. Maintain a grip and experience highs and lows it's healthy. And, it paves the way we behave today. It's all good, if you want it to be. Congrats to you all for discussing this very subject so openly frankly and wisely. PS xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
I just received an emailAnd in it was saidThat only god knows whyAs I lay here on my bed.I lay here thinking why thenWhy can’t you tell me?What aren’t I allowed to know?Why can’t you let me see?I want to know your reasonsI want to know simply whyShould I just accept it?And sit here and cry?I think I deserve to knowThe reason you took my boysThey should be here with mePlaying with their toys.They should be sleeping hereIn beds of their ownInstead my little maddiIs a child, all on his own?He has brothers, threeHe can’t play with the boysBecause they are gone nowSo where is his joy?One you let be takenBy his dad far awayAnd two more you tookUp to heaven to stay.I didn’t get to say good-byeI didn’t get to say a thingYou just took them with no warningI still feel the sting.So can you answer me why?And who gave you the rightTo take my babies awayWhile I slept at night.Was I not a good mum?Did I not treat them good?I tried very hardAnd did all I thought I could.Please wont you answer meTell me why its soWhy they couldn’t stay hereWhy do I have to feel so low?Will I ever be happy?I can’t see if I canFor my children are my lifeI feel I am only ½ a woman.I have a space in my heartThan can not be filledNo matter how much I tryNot since the day my boys were killed. I know all about depression... I lost 3 kids in one year, 1 was kidnapped and two died in a housefire 3 months later... TY miss HOney xxxxx mrs wacountry aka lil_me
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RHP User
16 years ago
Some replies: Jose: I found out from speaking to a phone counsellor when I was concerned for their welfare, that humour is not sometimes a good thing to use. I was exactly like you, and thought it was the way. It's not, as it is not a cheering up sort of thing, you can't just snap out of it like ya had a bad day at work. I think this is often where the mistakes are made when friends try to help and it is not he help the person wants..both sides sort of give up in frustration. I think that friends that are concerned for others should do what I did and do a little research if you care, google or advice from a counsellor is a good start. Sufferers need understanding. I think it was Beyond blue that had a list of things not to say and what to say when helping someone. An excellent read, and I think people may be surprised how many things they may say, thinking they are doing good, that could in fact be making it worse. Aly: Thank you for sharing, I am glad this has been of some assistance to you. I also lost a couple of work friends in their early thirties, one a hanging and one a overdose, it was devasting. They also put on a mask. Thankfully support services have gotten better since then both at work and outside. Wish you all the best babe. Peachy: Thanks for the info, it is something I have not heard or thought of before. Leesa: Lovely poem babe. The best written are those from the heart. Redi: Yup me thinks telling is the best way. Ok back later to reply to page two, not sure if I will lose this post flicking over to the next page...perhaps some one could tell me if ya can or not. I was also wondering on what it takes from people to recognise they have a problem and go get help. Again some have their own personal stigma to it, and then shut it off, instead of dealing with it, for fear of embarressment, etc. I know a friend can tell someone to go get help, but then you could lose a friend if they take that the wrong way. Any one got any suggestions on that? xx Miss Honey xx <<< loves the genuine warm and caring responses and helpful advice...what a refreshing change mwahs!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Missy.. this comment of yours alarms me..... "I was also wondering on what it takes from people to recognise they have a problem and go get help. Again some have their own personal stigma to it, and then shut it off, instead of dealing with it, for fear of embarressment, etc. I know a friend can tell someone to go get help, but then you could lose a friend if they take that the wrong way. Any one got any suggestions on that?" It's maternalistic and kind of insulting. For example, anyone with depression knows that they have it. Anyone with depression is dealing with it even if it may not appear that way to you. People who are "helpers" often exacerbate anxiety by trying to get the person with depression to explain themselves. Depression sufferers appreciate that they are being irrational. It's knowing that you are being irrational and the inability to control it, that annoys deppression sufferers the most. Being prodded b ysome happy smiling person making goo garr baby noises and prodding you to explain yourself is obviously more annoying than you could know. For this reason, I've cut more "helpers" out of my life than you could imagine. Love and hugs Gazza
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think you have misinterpretted what I was saying. I am not talking about people that have already been diagnosed but people that have never had any form of depression before. Perhaps I have left that out. I was talking the nah me is alright don't need a quack sort especially with guys, perhaps a new mother who may have a fear that because she is not coping, that the child may be removed from her. I was asking what it took for them to seek help, especially those that may not seek help because they think they will be judged by others, friends, work etc. Some it may be that a partner may have looked like they were about to walk out, perhaps it interferred with work, that got them motivated, perhaps it may have been a failed attempt at suicide that gave someone the help needed. It is the point of the whole forum to lessen the stigma and share experiences and get some answers. Not goo goo noises as you so refer and certainly no mention of that anywhere from anyone, I think everyone here has been honest and contributed good advice. You can't force someone to get help, they have to want to, friends and family are support. They can certainly suggest it, and that doesnt make them a 'helper", its someone being concerned for anothers welfare, the same if someone looked unwell. Organisations such as Beyond Blue do recommend support to encourage, not walk away with ya hands in the air. As referred to in previous posts, some do not do well with the "prodding" bit and then there will be a different method to deal with that. It is very frustrating for both sides, a bit of damned if you do and damned if you don't, and also depends what type of depression as well of course. I.e. Some have said they felt left alone and no one cared. You on the other hand make it sound annoying. So what is the answer??? Tis what I wanted to know. Everyone has different experiences with it. Gaz I certainly would not do an about face and contradict myself here hmmmm didnt think ya would think that of Missy, with all that has been said, that is a lil alarming it self Gazzie. Now kiss me and make me boo boo better Hope that clears that bit up. xxMiss Honeyxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think it may sound cliche, but the hardest part of this condition of Depression is the understanding and diagnosis of it. For a long time, I knew something was wrong with me, but could never put my finger on it. I read about it online at various websites, then saw my doc, I am now getting treatment and I am well on the path to recovery. My form of depression manifested itself in the form of negative comments, and destructive behaviour in various relationship situations. With friends, in the workplace and with family. Basically i was acting irrationally and couldn't understand why. I am now a better person for both my treatment and for the experiences that I have been through.
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RHP User
16 years ago
The other thing about helpers is that they're always so sure there must be a solution. Annoying little Pollyannas all of them. What if you can resign to the fact that entropy is also an acceptable state of mind. Isn't that good enough? You know... can Pollyanna accept that there is no "answer"? No, she can't. Let's say a depression sufferer intellectualises the whole process, separates a line of thought from the rest, that looks for the triggers of this anxiety, and then try to avoid those triggers in future..... Does that give an answer? No. What it does is provides some element of control and the ability to remove a fragment of yourself, from yourself at a time when it's most necessary... What if you can't avoid the triggers for your anxiety? What if it's a hopeless exercise? Can you accept that is how it is and that is how it is going to be? If you do accept that is how it is going to be, and you live your life one second at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one year at a time.... how do you feel about having to explain that to every Pollyanna that comes your way... year.... after year.... after year? Hope that clears that bit up. :p Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
Gaz.... not sure I agree with you there... when I was suffering from depression the first time (I've had a couple of bouts for various reasons) I had NO CLUE as to what was wrong with me... and I really suffered. When I did finally realize and seek professional help, I told a few family members... all of whom said "yeah, we thought that might've been the problem" Turns out, they'd even discussed it amongst themselves without speaking to me.... well, FFS PEOPLE... WHY ON EARTH DIDN'T YOU TELL MEE???? It would at least have made me seek help earlier and may have helped to alleviate the isolaton and sadness I was feeling.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Gaz... do you think its wrong for people who have suffered from depression to want to guide those ones with it to get the help that they may need?.or it those other helpers?..please explain...lol.also if one has grown up with it one doesnt know any better..again it depends on what type of depression.Im not as articulate as those that have commented on this post or others,but ive spoken from the heart about some of my experiences..even though now im well...i found it very hard to say what i have.for a little bit of fear that some may not want to get to know me as iam today..I only do so,so others may not feel alone...and maybe give them the courage.Miss_Honey....Mental health has come a long way from my early years..if you didnt have private health or money to seek the right help..you missed out...its was'nt cheap...plus when i was younger i thought i was normal and my home life was..Today one can use medicare...making soo much easier also,.there's more help at hand..i knew deep down something wasnt right as i questioned myself as such...and i was told that some people will do that, some wont..like some are aware others arnt that their maybe a problem as ive stated.with me was the fact at least 4 times..ive tried..and survived..and the last time when i was close Just after moving up here to QLD and my husband left ..goin back to nsw..my youngest came in and just said i'd dont know what we;d do if we didnt have a mum like you..who would care for my kids, what would happen to them,How would they feel...well that did it for me..So for some it can be something so simple as a few words when spoken out of luv..others it maybe though encouragementby others that have or maybe going through the same may give them the prod to do something...doubt there would be an simple answer...its the case of when someone is a depressive state..it affects those that love them and others around them every body hurts.(.as some dont have the ability to cope/deal or know what to say) so cold hard facts my work when spoken from the heart...its up to them then..and that your there for support..may help..again depending on what type.But in the end its up to the person to get help..like anyone thats addicted to whatever..they must want the help themselves..if they are aware of their condition.and a sad thing to day is, even younger children can suffer form it.xoxoxheymumma
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RHP User
16 years ago
Miss Honey's opening lines said it best.... "It's a person by person not a one size fits all way of understanding". I know plenty of people who are just like me. This is not because I seek them out... it is because we recognise ourselves each other... lol... we are connected by our baggage environmentally, socially and spiritually. When I have discussed this with them, we conclude the same thing.. all the people who consider themselves "cured" like to help. They like to expose other people's baggage because they think it cures them... well the news is that for some of us, some of our baggage is best left buried and concealed, remaining distorted by our own simple minds "to protect us"..... and never to see the light of day... it's back there somewhere in the darkest places of our minds and fragments of that baggage find us in our dreams. It's not the kind of stuff we want to talk about and talking about it with others with similar baggage know that they are just doing it so they dont have to think about their own stuff. lmfao... reading this, you must think I'm nuts.. hehe.. well, I am who I am by reason of that stuff so get used to it.. lol. I'm reminded of a very dear friend who has a downs syndrome child. People were saying a few years back how wonderful it would be if Downs Syndrome could be detected in the womb and cured. I immediately understood how horrible that idea must have sounded to my friend. Her son would not exist. People like her son would not exist and the world truly would be worse off for it. I see accept that idea. Her son is truly the most loving and delightful character. A beautiful person just as he is. That's what I think it means to accept a mental health condition. Pollyanna would have us "fix" it. Hugs Gazza
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RHP User
16 years ago
Thanks Mumma, that is exactly the response I was after, and you are articulate babe and expressed yourself very well. Sophie: It appears that most do want help, and want support. Experiences with friends seems girls find it easier to talk, cry whatever about it, then the boys. Not saying all, just harder to express it I think and perhaps the old I am supposed to be tough and the bread winner and cant be sick, mentality as well. Yeah well boys do cry! Me agrees with ya babe. Gaz: You saying ignore it here? Each to their own on how they deal with their friends and family with depression, but I would certainly be there, and not embarrassed or ashamed or whatever for saying it. I think there is a solution, and I think most here have it managed or cleared it altogether. It may take some time with a doc or what ever to work out which way to go and medications. It is treatable. Unashamed: Yes understanding precisely, I think everyones words are helping others with that. xx Miss Honey xx <<< gone to plait her pigtails hehehehe.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I can understand where you are coming fom Gaz-Mrs Rough suffered from severe depression for a loooong time, and all efforts to help were met with disdain. However something changed and she sought help and was diagnosed. For her it was a feeling of shame that stopped her seeking help for the first 5 years (Five very long hard years i might add)My friend was the same, didn't want help, and wanted to deal with it in his own way.He did!
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RHP User
16 years ago
..........they can quite often be fatal, people get so buried when they feel they are at rock bottom. Though I would never contemplate ending it all, yes I've seen it and sadly late this afternoon was notified of an acquaintance, not a friend as such, but someone I knew who just couldn't see a way out of their depression.It's left me very floored to say the least. Though I was not close with this person, I worked with them at race meetings, socialised with them and chatted infrequently online. I never saw any signs that they were at the end, only ever saw a smiling face and an infectious laugh.To say it's got me thinking is an understatement. Yes, we all deal with horrible experiences, sometimes daily and I'm sure I've had my fair share. This week has me analysing everything again, I left work early just to think. It's baffling to me why, but I can understand in a small way.Don't ignore the signs, seek help, talk or just be there for someone you suspect.
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RHP User
16 years ago
It does creep up on you at the most inopportune time....out of the blue...bites you on the arse. You need to know the triggers and avoid them and also deal with the triggers. Life is full of triggers. It's hard when you are in that zone to seek help, to actually realise that you need help. That's the fine line. Good luck! xx PS
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RHP User
16 years ago
miss honey, I appreciate the effort you have made here. you've actually managed to see the elephant in the living room before you were elbow deep in the brown stuff. been there, done that, had the knife in hand, and thought,,,,, wait a sec,,,, WTF am I doing? I didn't seek professional help, but dug myself out of the hole through mental stubborness and long talks with trusted friends. I am not attempting to trivialise anyone else's situation, nor am I trying to score points off anyone, but I would like to suggest to all that it's a good thing to try and help others, in some way, shape or form. sometimes an engouraging word or two is worth more than oxygen.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Some very interesting comments here. Allow me to share some of my observations as a psychologist. Firstly, depression is not just having a bad week. We all get the blues from time to time. and sometimes we find ourselves in a depressing situation. If you have been feeling depressed every day for two weeks you really should talk to someone about it, prefferably your family doctor. If you are feeling suicidal, you need to talk to someone immediately. Call Lifeline; you will never know who you are talking to and and they don't trace calls (unless you pass out on the line). Just talking about it can really help and they can point you in the right direction if you need further help. Secondly, accept that depression is just a chemical deficiency(serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter) and you would not be embaressed if you were diabetic, like depression it is just an illness and can be effectively treated. I know that doesn't necessarily make you feel much better, but there is hope. My experience is that depression can be treated either with or without medication, but it is much more difficult without the help of SSRI'S, so why make it difficult for yourself? First port of call is your doctor who will fill out a mental health report and referr you to a psychologist. Many psychologists charge just the medicare rebate meaning that your treatment will either be free or very low cost. To get more information or to find practicioners in your area go to the Beyond Blue Website (beyondblue.org.au) If someone tells you they are depressed, take the matter seriously. You don't have to solve the problem, you just have to listen to them and be supportive. Encourage them to seek professional help and don't be scared to ask if they are suicidal. It is better to know if they are considering self harm before they attempt as it is often too late afterward. Suicidal people are often relieved to find someone they can discuss their feelings with and if you need help call Lifeline together and they will help you through the situation. Many thanks Miss Honey for initiating this thread. Firedragon2
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RHP User
16 years ago
People have now been smoking pot from an early and for a number of decades… They have been fooled into thinking that pot is harmless. Marijuana is an addictive drug. How many of these cases of depression are related to a chronic use of marijuana? How many pot smokers have at some stage spent every day losing touch with your passions and ambitions? Getting high because it stop them thinking too much or because of peer pressure and wanting to feel closer to their so called friends. A 2008 report issued by the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, found that smoking marijuana increased depression in teens and also concludes there is a higher risk of schizophrenia, anxiety and suicide. The title of the report is, "Teen Marijuana Use Worsens Depression". Please Google it or download the report at... http://www.theantidrug.com/pdfs/teen-marijuana-depression-report.pdf
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RHP User
16 years ago
What is depression who really can justify what makes someone feel depressed to another!! instead of trying to catagorise depression how about making it aware in any way that you feel as what depresses me does not depress you and vise versa. So in my opinion dont try and understand it as once you think you have in comes another way of slipping through and to anyone that says they have not experienced it then that is a state of depression in itself! you just can not except it. a great saying that I try to do is " Dont get caught in the storm, learn to dance in the rain" and that my friends once you put that in place we are more likely to deal with things better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Your ever changing profile photos and that little red bra and skirt certainly keep me from being blue. I'm hoping that frontless frock becomes the new fashion. An abundance of those would certainly bring people together. Thank you Trish... please keep up the good work :)
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RHP User
16 years ago
It is really nice to know that there are genuine people out there who are caring enough to post their comments in support of people who suffer from depression. I for one suffer from it… I have not done anything yet because I am stubborn or just persistent and probably am in a state of denial. Honestly I am one of those people who you would not be able to pick that I suffer from this constant battle between self pity and self preservation. I say self preservation because I have thought of just taking the "easiest way out" and thanks to counseling I manage. I get the occasional loneliness and so I’ve joined RHP to meet friends and also to get this feeling that I belong to a group of people (outside work) with common interests perhaps. Joining RHP is one channel for me to fight back depression as I do not have the luxury of having loads of real good friends. It has been asked "Would you tell?" and in honour of this topic, my RHP “About me” would sound like this: I think I started suffering from depression probably early this year and now it has just become worse because I have been through tough times lately. I have lost a very close friend who was like a brother to me through leukemia. I got bullied at work to quitting my job. I’ve lost my house in Sydney and lost a wonderful relationship and I got separated from the only person I care about most - my little son, who now lives overseas with his mum. There you go I have got baggage but I do not consider people like me a loser. In fact, a lot of brilliant people suffer or have suffered from depression in any form. Talking to genuine people helps me move on with life. It makes me realise that life has got so much to offer. I have a very good job now and not in debt. I still look younger than my age. …. To be honest and fair, I also respect those people who perceive “baggage” is to be avoided like plague. I could only speculate it is probably for fear of getting entangled in the same web themselves or just not having the capacity to understand how complex and beautiful humans are. Shame though because as humans we are made to feel emotions and from these emotions we learn to become more human….. Thanks xxmiss_honeyxx and customer69 for making this social network more aware of depression. It is reassuring to know that the world is blessed with caring people like you.
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RHP User
16 years ago
OMG thanks for this wonderful thread....and thanks for everybody having their own spin on a real issue. the Edinborough test is just one way of diagnosis but me thinks that ppl already know and feel that they are not themselves for any number of reasons. We all feel ups and downs every minute of every day, how ever everyone is chemically different....I feel that the environment that is forced upon us or we create plays a very real isssue and circumstance in enabling us to faulter. Depression /anxiety has been the number one med issue for the past ten yrs in Australia and if you look closely I feel that it has been for many more yrs than that. It is also over diagnosed which seems to me a lack of controls or common opinion across the board!!!! It is also the most prescribed for medication which has wonderful OR catastrophic affects on ones self identity /respect/esteem. The environment is just one diagnosis another is genetic/ predisposition. There are many more---as mentioned we are all different. Never the less the tendency to faulter more often or deeper during those normal everyday occurrences is of real concern. Medication is one way to help give the patient just that split second of time to process vital information and to proceed to decision making /planning instead of reacting in a way that is detrimental to oneself or others (their environs). The others in which there are too many to speak of are just that....a healthy well balanced lifestlyle , education about oneself and the way in which you view yourself and your environment self respect/esteem) ...filling the voids with something that you think is worthwhile...( I help the homeless of Sydney, I have my two little girls every week and every second week end) ..Filling voids with positive meaningful process is not the answer but it does help. this topic is close to my heart as my marriage fell ova after 9.5 yrs because of PND...I am coming to terms with it even tho I dont fully understand it ... I hope this helps ppl ...A combination of meds/ great ppl and support around you/ self exploration/ help/ research/ education/ the ability to have great relationships because you are looking for them and know yourself and your needs/ filling voids with positive influences in your life and knowing when to walk away if your needs are not being met. Have a positive day ppl Ant
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RHP User
16 years ago
You may never know that the perspn you pass in the supermarket is feeling depression, yet many are and in doesn;t matter that much because it is how you feel and how you are stuggling that counts. We care, we all care that you and others are feeling hopeless right this moment. If depression could be fixed in an instant by friends alone than we would be able to get more than we need, If depression could be fixed by professionial carers in an instant a list of associations who want to help is available. If any of us had a friend we knew had depression we would help, yet we sometimes forget your closet friend is yourself, and you are so special, so ask your best friend to ask a doctor, a professional, an association to lissen just for a moment. The way you feel now is so treatable and worthwile..... you have brighten up so many lives now brighten up yours, talk to a friend, a doctor a professional.... why / because we care about you too.
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RHP User
16 years ago
sophie said that often depressed people do not realised they are suffering at all.. they just see the world going on around them without realising what is happening. It's true that depression can be masked from others too. not even my wife realised I was depressed or had attempted to take my life when it happened. It was not till months later with the help of my dr that I felt strong enough to face up to it and tell her. Her response was "how could you be so selfish... to think that ending it all was the right thing to do..." a somewhat stark reality call on her part and something that to this day does not sit well. very few people in my professional life even knew what was going on with me. they thought everything was all rosey and good. if not for the help of a close friend who sat, listend and talked to me without judging me, I'm sure I'd not be here anymore. As it is, I'm doing well. I find that good friends are so hard to find but when you do find them they are gold to hang on to. They will have a shoulder for you to lean on and you in tern give them the same when they need it. Anyway - thanks for the great topic and discussion... I'm learning a lot from others in these forums. Ave a good weekend Wayne x
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platinumblonde69
16 years ago
Lots of reading, so mine will be short. I was just going to say we are all adults trying to understand this conditon. Most people know I'm a high school teacher and depression is widespread amongst all ages. I went to a seminar about 2 years ago on depression and was amazed that locally, kids as young as 7 were being treated for it. People don't want our sympathy, they want our understanding. Just wanted to share that with everyone. Plat xox
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RHP User
16 years ago
Ant, You haved summed it up beautifully..Environment plays a massive part with this condition. Plats, absolutely widespread among all ages. Speaking of the kids.... My girlfriend is hosting a flano weekend for the outback kids who are suffering badly with depression/mental illnesses due to the drought etc etc etc...She is working with Black Dog Institute. Will post the weekend on RHP if it is ok with them. Bands will play be a fun weekend. July 2010 approximately. Newcastle. Masses amounts of educational material will be at hand along with just brightening those liddle buggers days for a bit in the outback. The flano shirt is the icon of the weekend. My girlfriend and I were sitting around one day having a couple of bevies and came up with the flano shirt icon idea. Can't get more Aussie than that. This occasion is being held to raise awareness and dismiss stigmatism against mental illness. I could write a massive speel on the occasion but this is not an advertising or plugging tool. That is not my intention. I also originally joined RHP when my last marriage fell to poo as a tool to communicate to people again. To rebuild some confidence to get back into the world again. I do like the world. I found I was not going to be sad or depressed, it was just life although I couldn't go out clubbing etc as I had no confidence in myself what so ever. Communicating, blogging, threading, was great for me at the time...I am still here lol.. Again, congrats and warm positive thoughts to you all. PS
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RHP User
16 years ago
As it turned out, there were a few posts in here I could really identify with, particularly alyndrew's. I'm not going to go into detail because it's currently irrelevant and everything's pretty rosy here. More good luck than good management but that's not the point. I had always thought "depression" was a made-up illness. That it was just someone being weak, emo, self-absorbed or generally an attention-seeking jerk. I guess there may be situations where that's true of some people (yeah, there are jerks in the world, who knew?), but it turns out I was very very wrong about true depression. Since mid-2008, I have excellent evidence that depression is a very real PHYSICAL illness. It's usually referred to as a "mental illness" because it affects mental processes, but in fact it has a physical cause like any other illness and can't just be wished away by thinking happy thoughts about fairies and stuff. Depression, and I mean true clinical depression, is not "feeling a bit sad", or "being pissed off" or "wanting attention", it's a real physical thing that puts a person into a state of absolute misery and hopelessness and above all utter self-loathing that they can not properly understand or have any chance of controlling. It's not a matter of just "cheering up" or "snapping out of it"... they can't. Physically can't. It's impossible. Logically, the person may well know things are out of control, but instead of being able to use that to regain their senses, that just makes it worse, because they feel like people are judging them and think that they CAN just snap out of it and that they're just weak and/or attention-seeking. Of course depression makes that feel like their fault, even though their logical mind knows it's not.I could go on for weeks about this, but I'll resist the temptation because it would just get long(er) and rambling and not really achieve anything. I just wanted to say that I have at least some understanding and that I'll never be judgmental again. Oh and that I really admire anyone brave enough to put it out there.@mooka - "And the reason I would want to know is simple, so I can adjust the way I act towards her. I am normally a happy, cheeky and at times silly old fart, which is probably the last thing someone experiencing depression needs around them. "Be careful with that one. I completely understand why you'd say that and I can tell you have the best intentions, but from my perspective, that actually couldn't be further from the truth. It might be different for different people, but treating a depressed person differently because of their depression could have the exact opposite result to the one you intended.It sounds counter-intuitive I know, but if a person is depressed, then they can feel utterly worthless and consider themselves to be a burden on other people. While it may seem like being cheerful in front of a depressed person is the wrong thing to do, if that person is aware that you're modifying your behaviour because of them, then that could make them feel like more of a burden and therefore more depressed. I'm not saying that's ALWAYS how it is, but it's worth thinking about.StuPS. I hovered over the post button for a long time on this one. Hope I made they right choice.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I am not sure if I am reading your post correctly as it got a bit muddled in the middle. Are you saying not to have understanding? From the sufferers here that is probably one of the common denominators. We have also been discussing various types of depression not just one in particular here and yes they all have different ways of dealing with them as well as considering the way the person suffering from depression wants to deal with it. I do however disagree with your statement about "anyone that says they have not experienced it then that is a state of depression in itself! you just can not except it." We are talking about depression not someone that has a glum day and says I am depressed. I think there is a huge difference there, as we have seen from the posts. xx Miss Honey xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
well said
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well I didnt want to know and was told I had PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) so I ignored it for 7 years even after being to see some one.You see apparently it is majorly stressing on one's body to be stuck in a bush fire and having the air sucked out of you but I was too tough for that too.A house fire years later a ladder collapsed, I came down hit the top of a door flipped and landed hard on my BA set (breathing apparatus air cylinder worn on my back), it was a life flashed before my eyes moment! I got up after being knocked out for a few seconds and put that house out for a few more hours. Went home told my wife who had given birth 12 months before to our first. My headache lasted 2 weeks still no doctor for that either, yep real smart I is !!Three years later I had almost lost my marriage, I did loose my home, I made horrendous decisions which cost us tens of thousands of dollares and went broke but functioned perfectly as a fire fighter!! Thats the secret.Should have someone noticed, hell yes but it would have had to have been someone I trusted and highly respected to make me see the light. I did get help and I am probably stronger now than ever and have been on a fire truck again but I am happy being not fighting fire anymore less crappy ego's.lol. I was too tough too dumb and too clever right up to the point of my heart attack BUT it wasnt it was a panic attack and I told the doctor to piss off as again I was to tough until it hit so hard I couldnt ignore it. Lucky or unlucky my wife was being treated for post natal depression so in my panic I rang her specialist and the reply was come home take your time. I am truly lucky to have had PTSD because I had a choice to change my life for the better.It did get bad and I wouldnt want my tax man to get it or anyone else, I was so bad that went to bed as it was the safest thing to do short of suicide which I was once very against. Now I know there is hope for sufferers and now openly talk to my mates who still fight fires and I think they are greatful esp some of the wives who say thanks sometimes when they find out. PTSD sucks.I heard this once and it made sense, Depression is a regret from the decisions of the past but Anxiety is the fear of the future and I found if I could find what was causing me fear then I could address it and responcably. I did have meds for a few years, I did meditation, Tai Chi (still do) and read as much as I could. Found out I am ADHD so that helped answer some questions and read some more. I am on the tail end of this chapter of my life and I am greatful as I have got the best future in front of me and I honestly hope that you all can find this in your life.To have told me I would have had to feel safe and secure by someone I trusted or drunk and lost a bet to see a specialist. Its a hard call and one I have done to another which was ignored by her husband regretably and now its very bad.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Services: The Depression and Mood Disorders Association (NSW) - (02) 9816 5688 Hand Up Support Group (QLD) 07 4779 2203 Reconnexion (VIC) - (03) 9886 9400 OR 1300 273 266 GROW Support Groups (National) - 1800 558 268 Association of Relatives and Friends of the Mentally Ill (ARAFMI): NSW - (02) 9805 1883 NT - (08) 8999 4945 QLD - (07) 3254 1881 - Outside Brisbane - 1800 35 1881 SA - (08) 8221 5166 TAS - (03) 6331 4486 VIC - (03) 9810 9300 WA - (08) 9228 1411 Suicide Call Back Service (National) - 1300 659 467 (Up to six 50-minute telephone counselling sessions for people who are suicidal, caring for someone who is suicidal or bereaved by suicide. 7 days a week 10am - 8:30pm.) Help/Information Lines: beyondblue info line (National) - 1300 22 4636 Lifeline (National) - 13 11 14 SANE Australia Helpline (National) - 1800 187 263 Suicide Helpline (VIC) - 1300 651 251 Mensline Australia (National) - 1300 789 978 Australian Psychological Society Referral Line (National) 1800 333 497 Mental Health Information Service (NSW) - 1300 794 991 Kids Helpline (National) - 1800 551 800.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I suffer from depression, anxiety PTSD, OCD etc... I prefer to tell people as I said earlier in the thread but I am extremely wary about who I actually trust to rely on when I am feeling seriously down. Some people might mean well but having no idea of what they are dealing with could very easily make a bad situation worse. There are also people who might sound like they care but when push comes to shove they're nowhere to be seen and that is not at all healthy for anyone to be around, let alone someone who is suffering depression etc.I recently had a bad bout of depression that left me feeling the worst I had for years. During that time I acted rashly several times doing and saying things to friends that I hated myself for. I can't tell you what a relief it was that most of those friends were wonderful that they understood where I was coming from and we have all moved forward with our friendships which, I would like to add, are now that much stronger than before.There was one 'friend' during that time tho, that I stood up for while they were having problems with another, who hurt me very much by questioning my motives. I made the mistake of overreacting when they said, 'Farkin over it!!!!!!!!' by responding with, 'Read into it what you will... I'm farking over it...'. I did message that person a few days later to say, 'I'm very sorry I sent my last message. It was childish of me.'. But they have pretty well ignored me including, apparently, not reading my message or the next message in the heading I sent next where I said, 'I hoped after reading my post on the **** thread you might not ignore me cos u so caring Fuck yeah!'Anyway thnx for listening! The point I really want to make to the people that read this thread is to be careful who you trust!!! I was so grateful to find people that cared about me and reassured me that were there for me when I really needed them and that I wasn't as bad as I was seeing myself, especially after being judged and rejected by the other supposed 'friend'.Thank you to those friends who know who they are cos I made sure to tell you hahahaha! Mrs Peachypearz
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RHP User
16 years ago
I did NOT underline that post lol ;-)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Im married and with kids I have been suffering for some time,Paranoid also drinking a lot more,Ive been thinking that my wife has been cheating on me for a while. discovered yahho chat message and now this web site,I have brought up this with her and she said she was just bored with work and was told to have a read on the discussion board for a laugh. Do I have a problem, are my suspisions crazy. Seriously unhappy
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RHP User
16 years ago
i have PTSD with panic attacks and other depression and it can make you very ill.... first diagnosed after losing 3 kids, two died and one kidnapped.... then again after a work accident that left me in a wheel chair for a while... now out of chair but have permanant injuries and will never be classed as 'normal'..... so i know what it's like Lil aka mrs wacountry
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RHP User
16 years ago
A very lonely place to be...depression....and usaually suffered alone and in silence good people and friends help when they are to be found...and anyone that should judge against anyone who suffers from anything without really knowing the person isnt worth it anyways.... as for profiles on people i think most of us get put into catergories.... there are too many boxes to check..... one wrong box and ya done for....i miss old fashioned one on one face to face meeting... u could miss the one thats right for u just by checkin the wrong box.... INFORMATION OVERLOAD
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RHP User
16 years ago
I was diagnosed in 2006. After 3 years of trying the medication from the medical profession, retreats, councillors, suicide attempt last year. Taking 7 months off work and travelling round our great country, only to in the end, costing me everything i own, including my beautifull wife. Even today writing this brings tears to my eye's. It is real, you can't just get over it, and you don't really know what your depressed about . BUT, caring posts like this, and the people with positive responses, goes to show we are not alone out there with this condition. Poeple win and some people lose with the condition, to anyone who has heard the "just get over it" attitude, my heartfelt sympathies go out to the narrow minded people who think that way. We who hear it, react in so many different ways. some can just walk away, some have friends to help them walk away, some fall deeper into the black hole, and some lash out. Maybe it explains some of the so called "unprovoked or uncalled for displays of violence we see every day. But do we all just sit back and say "sick bastard?" well maybe he is just sick?? But its about Miss Honey's post that mtoivated me to reply, Honey, to do what you did for the friends you met, my hat goes off to you for your strength and obvious high level of care. Some people who are so much closer to depression sufferers can't handle the issues and black days that people love go through. It is no slur on their strength or sense of care either. They just can't see loved ones suffer like that, day in day out. My wife couldn't take it anymore after 3 years of it. We still love each other today, but it took its toll on us. Some ladies i have met and spoken to about it all, say what a gutless cow she was, and all the names under the sun, some of you may even read this forum and know who you are. But its no slur on her or anyone else, as its a condition which is so hard to live through and even harder to watch from the outside knowing there is nothing you can do about it. One lady asked me to describe what its like on a black day. "i could only say its like being suspended half way up the grand canyon, and out in the middle of it in the air, in pitch black darkness, feeling helpless and trying so hard to get somewhere but achieving nothing" sometimes you feel like just letting go and falling to the bottom and ending it all. I'm sure some of you can relate to that. But people like the positive ones in here, along with the other stories, i know gives me hope, and am sure others suffering from depression in here hope too. Just to know that there is people out there, that actually want to know, to try to help us. Just by being there and holding our hand or a hug and a smile. It means so much! I have recently seen a hypnotherapist, you just never give up looking for the answer. And it is helping,,, the little candle of light in the distance is becoming alot bigger and brighter, and to read the positive care from alot of you in this post, well its motivating me even further to keep pushing ahead towards that light. Miss Honey,,, thanks for a great post in a forum and on a site mainly for the pursuit happiness joy and pleasure. To the sceptics and sarcastic,,,, i pity you and instead of abusing and ridiculling you, i will ask you this. Google "Black Dog, Depression" educate yourself just a little, there is enough information out there on it,,, and to all you who have written about their experiences, triumph's and have come out of it,,, that you for your input. To the rest of us who are still in the black hole with that mutt snapping at our heals day in day out,,,, chin up,, take strength from posts like this,,, and ask for a hand and have another go,,, it is possible and it sounds alot happier out of the hole.. Good luck and thank you Honey XX.
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RHP User
16 years ago
That's a very tough call, because I have encountered 2 very different type of people that suffer severely from depression. One is my mother who has been hospitalised with "sudden panic syndrome" on many occassions and the last time my father decide it would be a good idea to start sleeping with his secretary!! Their split was hard enough to deal with at aged 27 let alone dealing with her depression as well. The second was a guy I played Aussie Rules footy with. He was young good looking, seemingly had the world at his feet. He suffered from a condition whereby he couldn't make a decision on things. He worked for a wine maker and it got to the point that he couldn't make a decision as to whether to get one bottle of wine for his folks or two. Then couldn't decide which bottle to have with dinner and which one to cellar. THAT alone gave him enormous depression. So, in all cases, I believe I'd want to know, because it could be the smallest thing that triggers depression or the most obvious....
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RHP User
16 years ago
today would have to be THE WORST DAY of my life. I know it's been a long time coming, but it finally hit home that every effort, every smile, every text, every conversation, every session my "friend" and I have ever had has all amounted to "you're giving me guilt". Why you ask???? I got extremely hurt, I got too close, I opened my heart to someone I met off a SEX SITE. How does it end you ask????? Me, bawling my eyes out for being naive, for believing the lines, for trusting, for getting to know the person totally - only to realise their idea of not wanting a relationship meant they were already in one - with a married woman. I cannot function, I cannot think, I cannot eat - I just want to curl up and not exist anymore. I feel so stupid for opening up, for letting my feelings get in the way, for being honest.I have had the utterly WORST year on record. Never before have I had so much SHIT poured on me and yet, I still get made to feel as if I am the one guilting out him. I have hit the ultimate rock bottom. I don't know what else to do, I have spoken at lenght with a therapist but I still cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes folks, this is utterly devastating, utterly end of the road.Today I cancelled everything, deleted everything, went through the process of changing my numbers. This is depression at it's lowest, and I seriously do not know where to turn. Welcome to my world..............
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RHP User
16 years ago
Honey, get help, go to close friends, famility, hell you can come to me if you want to...I don't care what it takes..I can come to you...you need a hand and I am offering you that to guide you to help. Look above for Posts of contact numbers etc....please use them or you can come to me. Leave me a msg here, I can contact you if you want. Get through it no matter what. Try everything you can. Pple here are open and happy to chat to your I am sure. Honey you are so not alone. I know what you a feeling now is heavy dispair. Trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnell. Trust yourself, pull yourself together. Please seek help....I've done and no hesitation in doing it again. Be strong and get through it with help. PS I am always contactible somehow. Leave me a post here. PS
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RHP User
16 years ago
TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!. Not that you need my commendation i am sure. I have read all of your comments and opinions and frankly am amazed that on this site, "no offence" there are so many people who have shared their experiences and concerns with this forum RE: MENTAL ILLNESS in general and DEPRESSION in particular. At the same time it is not all surprising to witness such compassion for those who have/had or know of someone or indeed several people who do or at some time have battled with these forms of DISEASE!! From my owne experience over the last 7 years in particular and in hindsight to a lesser degree, all my life, i was inflicted with the same. My condition particularly was DEPRESSION. I do not want to ramble about myself as i have recently felt much better and feel that i am finally on my way to rid myself of this terrible affliction. I hope that what i write here in will benefit and educate those who "DO NEED INTERVENTION", to start NOW or continue to seek help and yes, at least for depression, find your way back to life or indeed as in my case, to live for the first time. A happy, well balanced and confident person that you really are on the inside. When i say "INSIDE" i mean down deep. The person you used to be before what ever event let this condition upon you or perhaps the person you never knew you were. Please trust in me, there is life to be lived beyond the darkness you are or have been living in and in my opinion re: DEPRESSION there is a cure. A big statement i know, but in my case even to my amazement TRUE! I am committed to complete this thread in full. Unfortunately it will have to be tomorrow as i have prior engagements to attend asap. Please return then. I do feel i have something to contribute to those who walk behind me in their quest for freedom or at least a better understanding to yours or their condition. Until tomorrow. . . . . Mwaaah!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Redi As Pinkie said try the numbers hun or get in touch with your doc, if you do not feel like you are getting any assistance from your therepist. Not every therepist as with Doctors is the right one for you, and you have a right to shop around until you get one that you are comfortable with, and that listens to your concerns. Some unfortunately are there for lining their pockets then care factor. It occurs in any occupation, find one that you are happy with. Perhaps someone that reads this can send you a private message with a recommendation. As for your friends on here. Well even with me wanting to know about my friends on here who suffer, the honest answer on whether I would tell or not to any on here is probably no. I can only imagine what it would be like for sufferers on here and wouldnt want to be let down as you feel you have. I have been let down by the simplest things so think it would be devasting in respect to depression. I think it would take a very special close person for me to open up to on here. Where it would be easier for me to talk to someone that was not part of this site and basically been with me for a very long time. That is a sad statement in itself but unfortunately true in most cases. Although, I think this thread has opened a few peoples eyes and perhaps that it was the lack of information and understanding that I have watched others recoil from my other friends. Things may be a little different now maybe. I hope you get the support you need Redi...there is plenty available. Now having said all that, will turn it all around again. I also understand what it is like to be support. It is hard. Some can lean heavily on you and others just want you to go away. Both have their own ways that it can affect the person supporting. It can get very tiring, emotional, stressfull and change things between you and the other person. I have been subjected to abuse, emotional blackmail, guilt etc. You do it because you care about your friend/family, but you can get to the point you do have to walk away or end up being pulled down yourself. It is a hard thing to do, but as support of the support say, you have to look after yourself first or you can not help them when and if they do need you. That must look like and in some cases is abandoment to those suffering. Carers/Support/and those suffering have to realise it is a two way street and a partnership as such. Those suffering with depression should also research and arm themselves with information on what it is like from a support prospective and have things in place during the better times to deal with those situations get too much, prob a lot easier for those in a relationship then in friendships. A carer/support is there to listen and encourage, not live a persons depression. Carers and support have their owns lives, jobs, families etc that they need to attend to as well as their own mental health. If they are not able to maintain that, they will not be able to support. A person suffering is RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN LIVES, not the support. You can not make decisions for them, you can not force them to seek medical attention, and you cannot stop them from taking their life. If they want to do it, they will, and you can not watch them 24/7 or be there 24/7. If you have supported the best you can that is all that can be done. The best thing to do in those situations is to say, you know where I am if you need me and leave. Do not take on board guilt, blame etc. Support must have time out for themselves, and take care of their own health. You also do not need to pussy foot around with the way you communicate, you can say what you want, it just needs to said a different way. If they are pissing you off you can tell em that They know they are doing it to. eg. Wrong thing to say: Your really starting to annoy me with your whining and needing, I already have to much on to deal with your worries. A better thing to say: I have a presentation I have to make at 9am and need to attend to that first. You are important to me, and want to give you my undivided attention, let me get this out of the way and we will sit down and search some solutions together. In the end if it is too much, you have to walk away, you cannot beat yourself up over it. It is actually probably better and will cause less stress for both sides. Medical practioners are there for them to seek professional help, they will not be without assistance, they just have to WANT to get help. Walking away may be the motivation needed to get it. When the assistance helps, hopefully they will return, and hopefully they will realise how hard it is for the support, and appreciate your efforts. Its all a huge contradiction I know, but that is the nature of the condition, its a selfish condition, and bloody frustrating for both sides. People that have the condition cant help what they do when they are in the darkest times, but need to accept what is done, and take responsibility for it. This is normally when the sufferer will acknowledge the condition and seek help. Not all is lost and there is plenty to rebuild a life back, sometimes for the better too, and also making the person a lot more stronger for it. Justfor that was a lovely post and thanks for the comments, think me halo is about to be used as a frisbee soon lol, but it is the way it is. Pinky good onya for offering support, take care of yourself too, there is also assistance to support on phone services too. Perhaps you just initiated a RHP support group lol Oh just another note: People thinking of offering support it is a hard job as I have said and one that you must be committed to. You only walk away, if you think it would be of more benefit, the person doesnt want help, or you feel that you are not able to cope yourself. It is not something taken on lightly. If you know you are not able to assist, be honest and upfront. There is nothing wrong with it, some people just do not know the right thing to say or do, or have their own problems or have no time. It does not mean that you do not care. Perhaps keep in touch with the support on their progress and pass on a message, or send a note or give a call once in a while to let them know u still think of them. That matters a lot more, then just shutting the door in their face. I hope all this reads right, but I think ya get what I am getting at, and is no way offensive or meant to be to any one suffering. Firedragon hellllllppppp with the support thing if I have stuffed it up. WOW...I am truly blown away about the responses to this thread when I honestly expected maybe a couple. Although I have received many thankyous etc the honesty and the outpouring of emotion and personal stories contributed on here by the readers are the ones that should be congratulated and thanked. It is your contributions to the topic that may make a difference to someone else reading and perhaps their life. Well done and thankyou. To the ones that have personally written to me. I can understand you may not want to post. I appreciate your thoughts and your stories just the same. I can write something on your behalf if you want to remain anonymous, just let me know. Hugs xx Miss Honeyxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
lots of very valid points have been raised on this topic,99% have been accurate,while in no way am i a proffessional on the topic,i will say this,...depression is real !,it affects everyone !,not just sufferers...there are many free ways to seek help such as www.beyondblue etc if family or friends for whatever reason cant help,there have been many nice things put forward in here and i commend all of you !...if you suspect a freind/family member is not quite right,make yourself feel better by helping another...listening only costs time
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RHP User
16 years ago
The link between depression and sexual performance is extremely important. I have suffered depression since my mid teenage years, after a series of physical assaults and bullying at high school. My opinion of myself changed during this time from someone who considered themselves strong, brave and independent to someone who thought of themselves as a coward, a wimp etc. As my whole self-image changed, at different times I've had severe depression and other times it's not so bad. I've told my friends about the depression, but even now I feel ashamed of the underlying causes and have really only explained them to a few long-term partners. Since that time, I've had sexual performance difficulties at different times, generally occurring in situations where I did not feel a hundred percent comfortable being myself. Unfortunately, such a state of discomfort in your own skin is a defining characteristic of depression. It's very difficult. It's not that I need to talk endlessly about feeling shit, or want a girl to pat me on the head while I tell them my life story. It's almost similar to when you are talking to your friends and something is on your mind, and you just need to explain it, to get it out of the way, so that you can move on to talking about fun stuff. Well sometimes, it's almost like you need to just honestly tell a girl you have depression, that sometimes it can take you a while to feel comfortable sexually, and then once that's out of the way, you move on to the fun stuff. That sort of conversation can take place in a situation of trust that normally arises out of a developing relationship. It's a little hard though when you've picked someone up in a bar and you're both drunk heading back for a shag. I mean, how do you broach that subject out of the blue: "By the way, I've been on anti-depressants for five years, your place or mine?" There is simply no worse feeling than when you can't get it up. It can seriously make my depression worse, particularly since mine began out of a sense of emasculation. When my depression was at its worst I completely gave up the idea of having sex, because I thought I would never feel comfortable enough with myself with a girl for it to happen. Even now, sometimes I can't get it up with strangers and other times I can, but you've got to at least have a crack. That's why comments from girls who complain about guys with this problem can be somewhat hurtful. Do you think we don't know we've wasted your time, and how annoying and frustrating it is? Of course we do. But does that mean guys who sometimes have this problem should just sit at home and jerk off, and never put themselves in a position where they might fail? That they should just give up? If they do that, as I suspect one of my friends has (although he'd never talk about it and I'd never ask him), then you can guarantee that person will never get out of their depression. For a while I took ecstasy pretty regularly, since I found that in that heightened state of happiness and confidence, problems never arose. It's strange, because once I am comfortable, I'm a highly sexual and open person, who loves exploring sexual possibilities (that's why I joined this site). In all honesty, I'm probably only saying all this because I'm in a relationship now and am not looking to hook up with anyone on this site; otherwise I'd be shooting myself in the foot a bit by making these admissions on a dating site!) But I'd rather put out an honest opinion. I would have to say impotence is probably the biggest taboo subject for guys. It is simply never discussed, except as a joke, or if someone gets a one-off "brewer's droop". Interestingly, probably the most positive experience I had in regards to depression and sex occurred when I picked up a random girl on this site. We met at a club then went back for a shag. She said, before we had sex, "so what's your secret? Everyone's got a secret. Mine is that I got beaten and raped by a guy a few months ago". We talked a bit about this, and how it affected her and what she was now comfortable with. Then I told her about my depression. We didn't go on to talk about our problems for hours. We didn't end up in a relationship. But it was like, by just clearing the air, there was a trust and intimacy. We then had the kinkiest, dirtiest sex I've ever had, and it was because of that level of openness. Not the deep openness of a relationship, but just enough honesty so that we were each being true to ourselves. So I'd be all for a little check box on the RHP menu for types of mental issues. Quite likely, it would immediately turn a lot of girls (and guys) off. But then again, it might mean that people who still get together despite seeing words like "depression" or "bipolar" would have some level of understanding and empathy and fair expectation.
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