sexual therapy

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  HRT

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Thats a toughy.. There are places offering hormone replacement treatment that would be a start. Talk to your GP ' maybe you need a reference to a specialist in this field. They would do some tests to see if your wife's oestrogen and testosterone levels are where they should be. Im no doctor, and what I say here is only what I know. The thing that came to my mind was when you said because of this situation you are permitted to play outside.. Very understanding wife indeed. But if thats the case I can only imagine you playing outside would not be doing her any good at all. Already she has a issue to deal with let alone adding something to magnify it even further. ? Be carefull' If you want to help her ' stand beside her 100 % .. you dont want her feeling alone with this...

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  HRT is for women in their 50' isn't it?

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  enduran

  11 years ago

  well she hasn't really had much of a sex drive in the past either - I guess it is just her natural state and for about once a month is probably sufficient while I feel like I am missing something. so it's about finding s good way out I guess and hence I was thinking of getting some professional help but wanted to know what I am getting into.. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  QLDtwo4fun

  11 years ago

  She could fuck anything up. Karma got her in the end, the organisation fucked her over.

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  QLDtwo4fun

  11 years ago

  She could fuck anything up. Karma got her in the end, the organisation fucked her over.

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  enduran

  11 years ago

  that doesn't sound like the kind of therapist I would want... perhaps someone with a positive experience can chip in to provide perspective? - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Just have low libidos..and it sounds to me like you have mismatched libidos if she has always been this way. A sex therapist might be helpful but does she think that she has a problem,or is it just you that thinks that? How does she really feel about you having sex with other women?..Is he also exploring the idea of having sex with other men?..Because I know this is harsh but maybe she just doesn't enjoy having sex with you...Try relationship counselling rather than sex therapy which is focussing on her. xxFreya

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  enduran

  11 years ago

  you are right it is mismatched libido, she is not interested in sex with other men. it's interesting how a relationship can be otherwise perfect, just in the bedroom we are not well matched. and over the years that just started eating at me. so I wanna do something about it. I know lots of comments are about problems in the relationship - we don't have any as far as I know at least - just the sex part. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Quoting 'enduran' you are right it is mismatched libido, she is not interested in sex with other men. it's interesting how a relationship can be otherwise perfect, just in the bedroom we are not well matched. and over the years that just started eating at me. so I wanna do something about it. I know lots of comments are about problems in the relationship - we don't have any as far as I know at least - just the sex part. you've known from the start that your wife has a lower libido than you, and now after some years you expect that to change because it's become a problem for you? If there is no particular physical or psychological reason for your wife's lower libido - which it sounds as though there isn't - then all the sex therapy in the world can't change what is simply an innate part of her. Have you talked to her about the way you're feeling and asked her about what she actually wants? If not that would be a good place to start.

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  enduran

  11 years ago

  many times - she doesn't like it but she just doesn't feel the need to have sex and her response usually is that it is easier if I go somewhere else. I get the jist of the feedback here, that it is my fault. it's a bit sad that everyone just assume that is the case. thanks for your comments but uf - Posted from rhpmobile

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  enduran

  11 years ago

  unfortunately I feel this forum might not have been the right forum for an honest and serious discussion. my bad. I hope you guys never have to encounter the same problems. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Even ppl with very low libido still enjoy pleasuring their partner, even if they themselves are not fully into the sex side of it. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Therapy will not increase a libido... especially if it's a hormonal reason affecting libido. Therapy can open doors to pleasure that have been closed by the mind due to negative experiences. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  As long as there is no medical reason for her low libido then it may just be a a case of that is just who she is and that is the price of being with her (sex once a month). Not sure how much and how honest your conversations are about sex you but she is probably glad the pressure is off to have sex more than she wants of once a month. I would stop worrying about trying to convert her if that's the way she is wired and take her gracious offer of open play. I know you would love to have more sex with her but if you try to push it too much it may be a case of ... "god i give him an open relationship and he still badgers me for sex every week". I would say that I would pay particular attention of checking in with her about how much outside play is comfortable for her so you are not playing too much and neglecting her needs for intimacy (without sex) and relationship and causing problems. Keep communicating. Cheers, W.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Quoting 'enduran' I get the jist of the feedback here, that it is my fault. it's a bit sad that everyone just assume that is the case. Where on earth did you get this? No one has suggested it's your fault, and LD merely queried your wish to change who your partner has always been. I think this is a problem for both of you. Considering she's telling you to go elsewhere for sex, she obviously knows you are frustrated and unhappy with the situation. That can't be nice for her either. Is it just the sex, or is intimacy in other area's lacking too? Do you touch, hug and hold each other? If it's just a disinterest in sex, she may be on the asexuality spectrum. If there is also no (or very limited) physical intimacy outside of the bedroom, it may be an indication of a bigger/different issue. I agree with Freya that many sexual problems start somewhere else, in which case sex therapy won't do anything. If she doesn't change (again, you said she's always been like this, so there's a good chance she won't), will you be able to accept it or will it always gnaw at you? I know your question was about experiences with sex therapy, and I don't have any. However I know a thing or two about counselling and it sounds you could possibly benefit from that, whether by yourself or with your partner. Good luck.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Not LD, but Aurora Skye.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  If your both prepared to start on the same page . Pulling in different directions not only makes it hard for the both of you , but also the counsellor trying to correct a two edged sword.. Dont discard it ' but try to find some common ground with each other first and then go along together..

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  to give an answer, maybe she could consider some pills like horny goat weed available at the chemist, maybe even the supermarket. She should consider getting her hormones checked because even birth control methods can affect them. Sex therapists are available, I am not sure if you need a referral or not. I have never tried one but I know a customer of mine uses one for a very different problem but she has been most helpful. It is nice that you want to be with your wife more often rather than wanting to get out and sow your wild oats. I do wonder though if a site like this benefits you any more than once a month anyway, from what I hear, most guys don't even get replies, especially more so if they are married?? Are your extra sexual needs really being met anyway? Your wife is going to need to want help otherwise it could be fruitless and expensive

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Nope..... counselling is in my view, a bad idea.And Im fully prepared to wear the criticism of others as a result of the following justifications. People like to think highly of counsellors, but a very limited few truly know what they're doing to offer very real benefit. Marriage counsellors typically encourage their clients to have serious talks with their partners. I used to buy into this advice myself. Until I investigated the fallout. The road to relationship destruction is paved with the bitter and broken souls of far more people than the road to happiness. The majority of people respond negatively when one partner suggests counselling. It infers that they need "fixing".... and none of us want to consider we are broken, and need fixing. Counsellors tell their female clients to "follow their feelings", and its her feelings and your lustful external curiosities which have led you to this point in the first place. Serious talks put her on the defensive. And as long as you communicate to your wife that you want something different than what she wants and different to who she is, you will not be able to win her over to your way of thinking. When your marriage is in a stage of crisis, keep your conversations light and casual. Become an expert at ongoing small talk. Stop trying to control her. Stop trying to talk her into thinking, acting, or feeling any different than she does. It doesn't work. So do not try to "fix" your wife according to your list of wants. Your relationship and your lives will improve greatly when you stop seeking to fix her for your external desires, and start focusing on yourself.

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