M51
Why the guilt?
January 18 2010
Comments
-
RHP User
16 years ago
how long have u been seeing this girl for? unfortunately sum ppl (guys and girls) are like this towards sex, but there cud also be other factors have u tried rlly hard to get her all horny and wet? mayb put ur efforts in2 trying to change her mind about sex...also is she on any medication that u know of or contraception bcoz that too cud hav an effect on her sex drive..if it was me and my bf was saying no to sex i dont think i cud handle it but ther must be a reason for her not liking sex ...do u think u turn her on enough aswell?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Why don't you both go to some sort of counselling??
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Oh it seems like she's just not interested at all and after a while I just gave up trying to send her here and there. I've tried everything to turn her on,you name it I've tried it,and it's not like I'm unattractive either. I have observed her when there are attractive men around her/on tv/etc but noticed that again nothing seems to stimulate her,and the weird thing is,she is very happy the way she is,she tells me that she doesn't like sex and likes to keep it that way. Thanks for the tips people but If you knew what I've been through to sort out the issues most would have given up and left,I suppose I'm just too caring and am very happy with every other aspect of our relationship minus the sex. So back on topic,how the hell do I rid my self of the bad gut feeling I have when I'm about to go through with a liason?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Oh it seems like she's just not interested at all and after a while I just gave up trying to send her here and there. I've tried everything to turn her on,you name it I've tried it,and it's not like I'm unattractive either. I have observed her when there are attractive men around her/on tv/etc but noticed that again nothing seems to stimulate her,and the weird thing is,she is very happy the way she is,she tells me that she doesn't like sex and likes to keep it that way. Thanks for the tips people but If you knew what I've been through to sort out the issues most would have given up and left,I suppose I'm just too caring and am very happy with every other aspect of our relationship minus the sex. So back on topic,how the hell do I rid my self of the bad gut feeling I have when I'm about to go through with a liason?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
i mean have things changed, ie did you guys have an active sexual relationship before, or has she always not liked sex. Trev
-
RHP User
16 years ago
As a young male of 34 who should be enjoying a satsifying sexual relationship with someone he is involved with, perhaps you need to ask yourself how long can you go on denying yourself what is a necessary and normal need? What will things be like in a decade and longer? Unless you are deeply committed/in love and do not want to end your relationship then you are going to have to seek counselling in order to overcome your issues of guilt. I need to ask. Did you not know what your partner was like BEFORE you became involved? Joanna
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Just do it. Be open about it (remove the sneakiness)...after all it's a shag you're after and not the whole making love thing. Then talk about it. Really talk about it...I'm not saying the detail of the sex, but how you both feel about it. Re-assess the situation. Do you both feel comfortable with the arrangement? Time for more talk then....maybe she wants to be a part of it by choosing your partners??? Your relationship is stalling...time to do something...and she's letting you know this :) Just a suggestion...but really, none of knows what goes on in a relationship except the people who are in it :) Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
OneBrightStar I like the way you think, I think I'm just over analyzing things and just need to jump in head first (pun intended:)) Thanks for the feedback guys and I understand where you're all coming from,I've decided to just find someone that will maybe take things a little slow at first until I get into my stride.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
My thoughts are - she's given you permission to seek gratification elsewhere so do it. That very first encounter is the most difficult, but enjoy the good feelings. You'll probably feel some guilt about enjoying intimacy with someone who is not your wife, but the next time will be eaiser and more enjoyable and so will the next... etc. I wish my husband had been agreeable to an open marriage but he wasn't so I left. It's not that I didn't love him, I just wanted to do things that he was not interested in doing. Life is way to short to live it sexually unsatisfied and frustrated. Some people will say "just use your hand", but there is nothing like the feeling of skin against skin and the tingle you get when two bodies come together intimately especially when you're with someone new. Variety is the spice of life and I don't believe that we are meant to be monogamous. I love chicken, but every once in a while I like a nice thick juicy burger. Different texture, different smell, different taste. It awakens the taste buds! Sex is the same... Sweet
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Tricky. I am tempted like many, to overanalyse and fix your relationship from the comfort of my armchair... But your question is - how do you stop the guilt?? I guess you could try adopting the attitude that it is her fault that you need to seek extra-curricular activity not yours. So why feel guilty about it? Bit simplistic. And I think your relationship is too complex for a simplistic answer.. and quite frankly, maybe your values won't let you 'cheat' on her - ever. So can you be happy with what you have (without the extra?). The answer to that may be the answer you should be looking for. Some good responses here - and special mention to Hotazice... normally spelling like yours will give me epilepsy, but your profile pics always makes me overlook it and make me think "Nah... it's OK - who cares about the English language"
-
RHP User
16 years ago
OK,thanks for all the input,I think I've done the right thing from every aspect and what's left is to enjoy what life has to offer,I feel I have a lot to offer sexually and would love to share my passion with others,I think I need to be realistic and comprehend the fact that once every few months will only last so long (there's only so much the hand can take..lol) So I've decided to take the plunge and force the guilt out of me and have lots and lots of shameless sex. Watch out girls! hehehe
-
RHP User
16 years ago
If you have no real commitments with each other i.e children, then perhaps you should consider moving on. Do you want kids one day??Don't think you will have them with her if she doesn't have sex at all.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
OK,thanks for all the input,I think I've done the right thing from every aspect and what's left is to enjoy what life has to offer,I feel I have a lot to offer sexually and would love to share my passion with others,I think I need to be realistic and comprehend the fact that once every few months will only last so long (there's only so much the hand can take..lol) So I've decided to take the plunge and force the guilt out of me and have lots and lots of shameless sex. Watch out girls! hehehe
-
RHP User
16 years ago
If you truly have permission then as OneBrightStar said do it enjoy it and then lots of talking.falling that go with third party counseling......either way you need to get things moving ciao Hermes
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Testosterone patches (lowdose) have been shown to increase female libido. They are not available in Australia yet, but can be sourced from the USA. If you want to stay with her this may well be worth trying. Good luck...........
-
RHP User
16 years ago
6ULDEV8I believe marriage should ideally be a state of getting all your needs and negotiating together about your wants, although if you have young children, sickness, depression or family crises, sometimes expectations have to fall in the shortterm (the shortterm can be a very long time for some).If it's not temporary it sounds like some deep psychological thing that needs counselling. Maybe thats another question for the forums - is it possible for a perfectly well adjusted loving woman not to like sex.What sort of things motivate her and make her happy? Maybe you can use them to bargain for more closeness, intimacy and even sex. Sounds like she's not telling you the whole story. And I agree with Hermes - lots of talking needed.(And sweet_desires please report to the headmaster for flogging - but only if you want to.)Regards Mr. SR.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
6ULDEV8 will be making assumpsions on what you have said. Ok have checked that this is not the US of A rhp With all the mentions of counselling had me wondering. What worked for me in a simular situation. ASK yourself what are you feeling guilty about??? What sort of new realationship would you really like??? long term, one night,Really think about this.... You may think this is not normal, not right. Sort of like you will go blind if you masterbate!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is your partner really not normal???????????????? Because as far as i can see she is better than normal. open minded. Bet it would'nt have been easy for her to say this to you. Dont worry the flinches will happen. Do you believe as your partner does that you deserve to have a fulfilling life????????? Can it work?? my answer is yes. As other have said the key is to talk to your partner. Things you may like to find out. Where is it ok to play? At hotels,her place or at your home would suggest that you should let your partner know that YOU WILL NOT TAKE A LOVER INTO YOUR BEDROOM Say this as this is her personal space & her (your) bed. Could go on & on but will leave it at this.Hope you enjoy your journey Ohh one unexpected surprise my partners sex drive & pleasure has increased considerably
-
RHP User
16 years ago
which means I am going to run short of them soon... Maybe a good way to start is with one of those nice ladies who you pay for sex. That makes the encounter a little more transactional, and then you can discuss it with your friskyless lady. At least there's no chance of getting love and sex confused at a brothel. In fact - take the brothel money out of her shoe allowance, and you may just find her interest in sex will be resparked (even if it is really her interest in shoes :-) Good Luck
-
RHP User
16 years ago
As Stated above,the support is welcomed. We've been through all suggestions ad nauseum,but again thanks for the suggestions. Maybe there are skeletons there however,I believe I've exhausted all avenues to rectify the situation.What's left to do is fullfil the void which is now empty.I actually count myself lucky that I have approval to have sex with others. She has made it clear that the house is off limits and all shenanigans will not be brought up in conversation, "ignorance is bliss" I guess. I think I've done the right thing from every aspect and what's left is to enjoy what life has to offer,I feel I have a lot to offer sexually and would love to share my passion with others,I think I need to be realistic and comprehend the fact that once every few months will only last so long (there's only so much the hand can take..lol) So I've decided to take the plunge and force the guilt out of me and have lots and lots of shameless sex. The problem is for me personally is that I've been out of the game for a while now and don't know where to start,what to say,how to act.It's kind of exciting and overwhelming at the same time.(any hints?) Oh and I'm not into paid sex,it's just not the same.Messaging,chatting,and meeting is half the excitement,no?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Hi, I would advise so you don't feel guilty or feel like you are 'cheating' on her, could you get her to watch you and another woman being intimate? Whether she is turned on or not, would she be willing to be there to watch and if she doesn't want to stay for the duration, she can watch in the beginning so you feel comfortable and not feel like you are cheating on her and then she can leave you to it? Just a thought. I'd love to watch my man with another woman again, but I can't find any women on this site that are interested in playing with us together or playing with him while I watch (and maybe playing with me after that)! :-( Best of luck 6ULDEV8 I hope this helps. L :)
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting '6ULDEV8'Oh it seems like she's just not interested at all and after a while I just gave up trying to send her here and there. I've tried everything to turn her on,you name it I've tried it,and it's not like I'm unattractive either. I have observed her when there are attractive men around her/on tv/etc but noticed that again nothing seems to stimulate her,and the weird thing is,she is very happy the way she is,she tells me that she doesn't like sex and likes to keep it that way. Thanks for the tips people but If you knew what I've been through to sort out the issues most would have given up and left,I suppose I'm just too caring and am very happy with every other aspect of our relationship minus the sex. So back on topic,how the hell do I rid my self of the bad gut feeling I have when I'm about to go through with a liason?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
You sound like you love her very much, dont feel guilty about what you have considered. It isnt necessarily a cheap one off experience, people can have a deep and meaningful relationship with more than one person at a time. Just go with the flow, always protect her first and foremost and be careful when placing your emotions in overdrive. Cheers.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15113 Comments: 88250
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10257
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2519 Comments: 11676
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9774
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1004 Comments: 5195
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5789
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1993
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 869
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share