M45 F45
What are your ground rules?
December 31 2019
Comments
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SpicyKale
6 years ago
I think you covered the basics of respect, safe sex and swinging being a team game that 95% of people on here would agree with in some shape or form. We had something similar from the female half of a couple when we first started. It was messages either side of their wedding! If we didn't get pics from the wedding I would have been sure we were being catfished! Very similar requests... took it as a bullet dodged😐 The expectation of female bisexuality is an interesting one. What you've described seems to be a recurring theme. Just because you're bi, doesn't mean you're attracted to, or want to do everything with every member of the same sex you meet! Your comfort levels might change from person to person. It's a good rule to have that stops you being put in uncomfortable positions.
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RHP User
6 years ago
For one safe sex has to be priority for everyone and discussed. No one would ever be forced into giving oral. So perhaps that doesnt need to be said. What are rules if there negotiable ? Maybe u just need to set basic ground rules that arent negotiable. Leave everything else to a natural flow. It obviously portrayed a lack of uncertainty.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Dodged an STI bullet right here!
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SSExplorer
6 years ago
It bewilders me how initial relations leading on to sex between a safe, loving couple and other people should be so different to 2 singles meeting. Maybe I’m out of touch but when going out on a date with a potential lover do people have the same expectations? Just because you are identified as being adventurous does this mean you should be up for every kink out there and to throw caution to the wind? Would anyone even accept a date with someone they didn’t know if by just turning up to the date meant they were committed to following through on all the other person’s desires? Our expectations when meeting are that we will have a pleasant chat and if all are happy to proceed then there will be some physical interaction, it may it may not be up to ours or their pre discussed limits. We have been surprised at how far we have gone with a few and it feels more real that it was unexpected all round. To have expectations makes it feel clinical and somewhat transactional.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Safe sex is non-negotiable and would have been listed on your profile. The other three are your personal limits which any prospective partner should respect. It is an important part of the conversation to discuss your limits and determine whether the new partner is safe, sane and consensual. I'd say that your rules did their job here by showing the lack of respect from the others.
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teejaylongsword
6 years ago
I think your rules were fine. Perhaps you stating the rules ruined the fantasy and friendliness for her. Maybe it was always going to only be a fantasy for her. I agree with SSExplorer: Expectations on her side could have been the killer. This is such a silly way to be thinking (on her part) when considering a meet. Perhaps she was not very experienced in the scene. Even if you go to an event, people with experience know that they are never guaranteed anything at all. I have found it best to consider any meet or event a fun little experience that may only be a pleasant chat or, in the case of an event, some simple voyeuristic entertainment. I'm sure you will find a better match.
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RHP User
6 years ago
No one should ever be forced to do anything or feel uncomfortable. Perhaps she just freaked out and was looking for an excuse? I think everyone has to set their own boundaries and perhaps making them clear in your profile or discussing them early on is the way to move forward? As a single female (also a unicorn) i personally wouldnt see a couple unless i thought that everyone was mutually attracted and that the female was bisexual. For me, this makes it more likely that everyone will be fully involved as a lot more positions and scenrios are possible. Also i dont see couples that have a rule that the male only cums in his partner. Its not out of disrespect, but rather that ive witnessed/observed the fall out from a male partner finishing in the playmate. The outcome wasnt pretty and a rather large argument between the couple followed. Ofcourse, the above is just me personally and my opinion. It isnt intended to offend anyone and no insult is implied either. I guess anyone can pull out of a date at any time. Perhaps it was late, but better than om the night! We all learn as we go. Kisses x
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MsSuperFoxy
6 years ago
I never discuss any rules/bounderies with anyone I have not met face to face. After 1st meet then I decide if I want to meet up again and will discuss, only if feelings are mutual. If not its a waste of time. I think it just sets up too much pressure on all parties prior. My main boundary is being safe and all parties are respectful of each other. The rest just flows as everyone is different with different bounderies and rules. Ms Foxy
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madotara69
6 years ago
Then I’d feel she is owed an apology, if so you don’t really have a leg to stand on, hence she blocked you. Dunno. Otherwise these rules fall under principle. Meaning one answer for any moment threatened, unconditional. Probably the principle and meaning was protecting the friendship with Tara and choices wanting to be with me, in the centre of our life, always. Principles came as a means to maintain something that means everything to me, Tara, her eyes sparkle when she smiles... sorry she just smiled, dazzles me every time, 28 years dazzled by her sparkling smiling eyes, we are best friends and greatly attributed by the principle... Tara is her own self, her own choices, unconditional. I stand by her with her choices and telling her what she can or can’t do... well who cares for being told, having their choices decided by some other. One answer in any place or time, unconditional. Rite of choice herself. Things come about without being privy more often too and aswell. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
6 years ago
Way I see it....your rules are your rules....anyone like minded will share those same rules right?? No one else need approve of them.... Mr Dragon
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SpicyKale
6 years ago
Mado, I usually sit here nodding along to your wonderfully worded posts... but owning someone an apology for wanting to go bareback? Don't care what was in said profile, she can just fuck off. As a couple we have very few non negotiables, but that's one of them. We learnt early on that people will try and take advantage. The more of us that just say no thanks, there'll be someone else tomorrow, next week, maybe in three months, but no regrets... the better. A misunderstanding, maybe... an apology for it, nah. The OPs profile clearly states protection for all activities.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I agree that this sounds like the woman got cold feet and used your rules as a handy reason to back out of meeting. Nobody should really object to basic safe sex. There a lot of tyre-kickers in this place. People who talk a good game but dont deliver or back out at the last minute. My friends and i have swapped lots of stories. It is nearly always about them, not you. The internet allows people to paint a flattering portrait of themselves which is usually exaggerated if not outright fiction. You just have to patiently sift through the dirt in the hope of finding a nugget of gold. In time your bullshit detector becomes finely tuned.
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madotara69
6 years ago
Ok, so it’s clearly upset you, time wasted, spoiled, etc. Did you speak with the woman at all ? Got a hunch 🤔
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RHP User
6 years ago
Geez mado, ok, I'll agree to fuck you bareback without even having met you, or even knowing if you're on any contraception. Hang on, I'll get my folks on the other line to let them know they're gunna be grandparents again. Seriously though, spicy's comment was OUR profile states for all activities, and hers Cleary stated 'if required' Nothing in her profile that stated she was after anything other than what we were offering
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RHP User
6 years ago
4 weeks is a long time to be chatting before getting down to brass tacks. It's a good idea to discuss boundaries and negotiate involvement early on, so you don't waste time and energy on someone who isn't compatible with you both. Of course, all parties involved should do this - it shouldn't be one sided. Other than that, you sound like you handled everything else great.
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mature101
6 years ago
Hi, we agree that prior to meeting we like to chat on the phone. It is an important ingredient to ensuring you have a fun time when you are going to meet. It provides the opportunity to set the boundaries and manage the expectations for play times. Many couples have females who are bisexual but are happy to play straight when you chat on the phone. Many straight guys by their profile are actually bicurious when it comes to play times. Whatever it is, enjoy life. Stay safe, stay sexy
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JohnAnn2227
6 years ago
Our ground rules are;1. Neither will take one for the team.2. Condoms are a must for intercourse and anal (except with our personal group who are checked regularly).3. Same room sex (unless with our personal group).4. We are always each others last partner for the night. We don't have a problem with kissing and in fact can't imagine playing without it. We also don't have a problem with one of us getting or wanting more "action" than the other.The only problem we seem to have with our ground rules is the condom rule as we regularly get guys in the couple trying to negotiate their way out of using one. Other than these rules we are pretty easy going.Ann & John
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madotara69
6 years ago
We aren’t privy too what was written into the woman’s profile, sexual interests, kinks etc. That’s all, dunno. Otherwise at no time should anyone feel compelled to make choices to suit wants from others, choices should be made in the best interests of what feels right. It’s likely at times these choices need to be made off the cuff, as some folk aren’t so forward with intensions and if they meet someone who appears vulnerable or is vulnerable, then the pressure will be to test that vulnerability. Sorry not trying to upset you guys.
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RHP User
6 years ago
We agree with your rules being reasonable and maybe a fake profile of person you were talking to. We have one key rule for us which is no lip kissing...just something we keep as very personal. Most people are fine with it as lots of other areas to kiss but have had a few knock backs and thats completely fine as not for everyone. Lisa and Noah
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