M42 F39
Unfair partner
March 22 2018
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
Has the right to change her mind.......we all do.What seemed like a good idea at the time is not so much now. If you want to be with her, you need to talk about it. Take on board her views etc.But be honest.......who was planting the seeds in the first place?You?Did she just say yes at the time, to please you, and avoid a discussion she really didn't want to have.Until you have this conversation with her.........I think yours nuts going out alone......Unless you just don't care about her.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Could all explode in your face if you stay on here. If you really love her just wait and see if she changes her mind. Dont pressure her into it. Other couples can pick up when only one half of another couple is willing , and the other half isnt. Wont end good. For yourselfs or them. Your wife is more important than fucking a stranger - Posted from rhpmobile
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nightingale8
8 years ago
Swinging or open solo play requires trust, good communication especially around jealousy and showing you are dedicated to each other above all. Sounds like somethings amiss here. My guess at one scenario - she raised the idea as a whimsical thought, saw you got excited and thought could be fun, was a little disturbed at how enthusiastic you were about having sex with other people, started to feel less sexy and sexual herself, started to feel pressured, felt bad about holding you back so said yes. Your time may come again if you are patient. In the meantime, talk, spend time doing things where you get to see each other's sexy qualities again, show your dedication. Up to you. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
It’s more difficult, especially if we have “addictive” personalities. I tend to find something new and get all excited and start researching what it means to me and then I see the darker side and consult my “intuition” and this awful feeling comes over me. Scared or whatever. Did she tell you why the change of heart? How is she really going to feel if you find someone sexy? We don’t naturally have animal instincts as we are ruled by emotions and hormones I think lol I have yet to find a guy that gets me and can communicate without being overly flippant or overly negative. Gosh I’ve had some doozies if ex boyfriends. Communication is definitely the key. Would she appreciate you talking it out with her? I hope you figure it out.
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RHP User
8 years ago
My thoughts exactly. Steam_team.....you’re not a team at the moment, I’d suggest you get off here for now and fully focus on your partner. You chasing sex on your own might give you a thrill but it’s not going to add spice, romance and passion to your relationship. If you care about your relationship then go focus on that and sort it out together. Swinging isn’t the answer to your relationship issues and it will most likely end in disaster. Mr D - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
If there is no "romance or spice or sex life'', then there is a deeper root to your troubles than just the sex. I don't know your relationship or how long you've been together or how committed you are to each other (married? co-habiting? just started dating?) so I think the answer would depend to a reasonable amount on this. If you're just starting out or getting serious and all the spark has gone, time to call it quits I think. If you're serious and co-habiting or married you need to delve further into how you both arrived at this point and see if you can't fix it. There is also the ''reverse the genders in this scenario and people would have a different reaction altogether''. That is, if you were your missus and vice versa, people would probably be calling you an arsehole for messing her around so much.
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
If you know it's not right or question to continue on here, what is that telling you? She has every right to make her own choices and change her mind just like you, have a choice too. Ms Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
Did she change her mind? Do you know? What triggered her to do so? Have the two of you discussed or had a conversation as to why?🤔 I dare say something has happened or something has turned her off for her to do so. Maybe she saw red flags or felt uncomfortable about the situation. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thanks to Gr8distraction Mango69er Nightingale8 FlygirlC Doubleup282 Okeydoke This world is a beautiful place. Thanks for your time and effort to help out a stranger. Apologies for not being clear enough, as i wrote the above in pain. My mrs is my best friend 15yrs since school...a great companion for life and puppy love..but unfortunately not for sex. Lack of sex or passion or romance bothered me me a little. But I did talk about it...she said she was raised in a chritian convent where sex was a taboo not in curiosity but making a female feel bad about her own body..she hates her breasts so she stood droopy so she could hide it etc and would never wanted to talk about it again. But all these discussions were so many years ago. I never gave up to make things very..in the 14th year..that is last year she noticed i was going in depression as life was like living with a roommate. Eventually for the 1st time she too efforts to wear a lingerie that i gifted years ago etc. One day she said lets go to a party and thats when I was like OMG .. wow realy. Honestly you can call me a cuck as i wanted to watch her embrace her sexuality.. get excited ans enjoy enjoy. The only time she had a orgasm was when I talk about she being touched by another couple. So I took the effort in making things better hit the gym sculpted my body got a membership here and although she said she is excited to cooperate she did nothing. Now when I talked about it again she said.. she hates her body (Honestly she is a curvy tan Angelina jolie.. hot and adventurous..). She said at RHP all r so hot and she is conscious about her body and we are back to the same old issue. The media has made women so conscious. Having that said.. I wish I was respected for the effort and patience i had all these years. Meanwhile being an designer i have my urges, passion and desires crying every day. Thanks for all you kind words but please don't look down at me.. my urges are my biological calling at time..but also my mind and soul needing intimacy. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Seems to me from reading this topic and your profile.... that you’ve already chosen your own course of action If I were to offer advice.... and I will as you asked....I’ll say STOP seeking to manipulate her towards your agenda, stop blaming the media, stop blaming the church, stop pushing blame onto her for your dissatisfaction And instead start INSPIRING her through affirmative affection and behaviours.... not discussion and haggling You may never get the swing life you seem to WANT, but at the moment what you’ve said about her is that she is not getting what she NEEDS..... to feel valued, sensual, and sexual Foreplay starts at “good morning” and ends at...... well..... it never ends. Seduction is NOT a goal driven process, but an attitude And I feel with care and time, your attitude must and can change
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RHP User
8 years ago
Mischievous, perhaps I'm a sucker but I'm not reading this with the same level of suspicion as you. I have been in a sexless relationship in my life, driven by her loathing of her own body (plus other factors but this was the major one) and it is very difficult to get someone like that feeling sexy. You can foreplay all you like, try to re-assure her she is beautiful 'til the cows come home. I loved my exes body, I don't think she ever doubted that I did but she did not. It is exceedingly difficult to ''inspire'' such a person. It is also actually okay to blame religion, religious people are notorious for depicting sex for anything but reproduction a dirty thing. My ex was a Christian and whilst she did not suffer from this ailment at all she was readily able to recall countless of her church friends who were ashamed to admit they have sex simply for the sake of pleasure. Mischievous, you seem to assume that OP is lying and just wants to get his freak on in swinging. I have read over his posts again and am just wondering what gave the game away for you, where is the smoking gun? You see someone who is just out for his own dirty ends, I see someone who needs help in a particular situation that I have experienced myself in the past. Sadly, after reading your further explanation OP, the only help I can give is probably what you already know, just don't want to hear. Your relationship sounds like all those other high school romances that continue into adulthood - which is to say it is most likely doomed. It sounds to me like she loves you as a companion (14 years after all) but that is about it. You are both now well into adulthood and either not experienced intimacy with any other, or not a great deal of it - and time is slipping away, you feel like you are both missing out during the tail end of your sexual prime. I have known (only) a few of such couples over the years and they have all resulted in separation (usually in their twenties). It could be that you are forestalling the inevitable?
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RHP User
8 years ago
its a trap be loyal never play alone. its a test
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nightingale8
8 years ago
Everyone arrives here for their own reasons. Each to their own. I don't blame the media though, I blame our societal views about women and sexuality. We're taught early on that sex devalues women, women who hold out are more 'pure', 'classy', and not 'whores', 'sluts'. The idea that you take away a woman's value by having sex with her is destructive. And then we are surprised that after marriage (many) women don't want to have sex! My earlier comments still stand. Dan Savage has some entertaining but insightful thoughts on sex and intimacywhcih may be worth a listen, together. I would add that she needs to masturbate ✌ - Posted from rhpmobile
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boobsandbusted
8 years ago
i suspect there a smouldering fire that needs attention ,look after it ,pay attention to it and put it out ,so you may grow some green grass and a lovely pasture in the future to have some fun in ,play alone or try to push into sex or her into swinging for your needs now ,and i’d say you mays well pour petrol on the fire cause a big bush fire and the soil will be destroyed and will never be fertile enough to grow anything ever again , mr b - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
That second post clarified a whole heaps of questions! You seemed to have tried a lot to keep her interest. It’s not manipulating, it’s encouraging and there is a difference to what @Mischievous was saying. If you are her best friend, this is the best start you can have. What doesn’t she like about her body? Are you telling her everything you’ve told us? She’s drowning in her own negativity and I really do feel your pain. She blames herself for being the way she is. I also was brought up never really masturbating until my mid-late 20s. I still think it’s dirty to use a vibrator but we are only human. Does she really believe in Christianity? There are many who have religions forced into them in childhood but have their eyes opened when they become independent. Since we crave more of the good feelings, when she was in that zone of excitement, what made her think that way? What was the wonder of it all? She does blame herself and telling herself not to do it again. She wants more than anything for you to be happy. But she needs to know that when she’s not happy neither are you 😓 I know she doesn’t want to talk about the issue, it it’s never going to go away without talking about it. I know it’s awful 😓 she needs to let you please her again. She probably feels like you’d be wasting your time. Ask what she thinks is fun and what she would like to try and nurture those thoughts? Then when you plan it, she can’t back out, she just has to go with the flow...? Definitely don’t go down without a fight! 😋
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RHP User
8 years ago
what she likes of course ask timing must be in queue... when she feels upbeat and with a bit of energy to be creative etc. Encourage her to explore those ideas. Very cool that you’re a designer 😄
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ElectricDreamers
8 years ago
Savage Love Dan Savage There are years of archived advice pieces specifically dealing with your dilemma
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RHP User
8 years ago
I dont understand how people in a relationship ever want to play solo..... not judging but just perplexed as in my relationship we both get off seeing eachother getting off in person. I think if your both not in agreeance with what the other half is doing then your relationship is pointless. Your better off being single - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
We would never consider playing solo but we arnt in your situation. I would suggest counselling for you both and maybe see a sex therapist and work thorough both your issues together but dont suprise her with that. if you are trully in love then communicate how you feel without being accusatory and seek therapy if she desires it. I think if you go off and play alone you will maybe drive deeper divisions into your relationshipMischa
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