F55
Two sides
April 09 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
shows the Titanic...heading towads a tiny weenie little "tip of a iceberg"-..... the shot shows it from under water perspective.. - with a massive iceberg lurking rite neath The Caption reads : Never condemn someone based on a little something that someone told you, theres is a lot more to the story I chose this pic as my screen saver to remind me of the job that I do in order that I gather, collect and examine ALL facts before I draw a conclusion and present my report accordingly - the outcome of my decision has massive ramifications far deeper than one would think so I have to be damn bloody sure of what I sign my name to I like to think I do this in my personal life as well..however the problem with our personal life is that it usually entails emotions so therefore I know at times Im not always clear cut as I woudl like to be...basically my heart gets in the way So in answer to your question OP Yes I have done that...and yes I am aware of when I have "done that"- I am very self aware person and will find fault with myself long before anyone else does This awareness only coming about due to age and experience...I believe that I do try actively see anothers position.........and in my personal life I am not stubborn.. ( I wish though at times I was) but in my work life..I am beyond stubborn ..I will not easily give in..if I truly believe I am rite..again my belief system (at work) affects many.. I have no issue saying sorry when I am wrong...Im a big beliver is sayng sorry..people fuckup, people make mistakes...and not every actoin is malicious......it takes a big person to say sorry ..a bigger person to forgive...Im currently begging forgiveness from someone..cause I did i fuckup..a genuine and stupid msitake on my part but they have chosen to ignore me and not forgive..saddens me but it is what it is..if this is part of their DNA then in all honesty I dont wish them in my life anymore..my apology is genuine and sincere.....I can only wish them the best.............and good health What frustrates me is when I am judged - without my side of the story being told or heard..........and sure it hurts........but then its meant to isnt it ?.............It used to bother me when one made judgements againt me without the persons concerned knowing anything about me - absolutely nothing at all except based on what they had heard.......but now I have decided those people are irrelevant and incidental in my life...what matters to me is the opinion of my close friends and colleagues....( I have no family ) A person said to me recently when I was upset about a issue that was written about me............"surely your integrity as a professional and as a person has been questioned before ? the thing is in this case, you know you are being judged..but lets face it, if I hadnt told you you would never know, so does it really matter ? "- those words rung in my ears and yet today remain with me He was rite.............and Im grateful that he said that to me.................. As long as you can look in the mirror each day and be ok with the person that is staring back..........and being kind to each other....is all that matters. ..nice topic OP.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Shinas' What frustrates me is when I am judged - without my side of the story being told or heard..........and sure it hurts........but then its meant to isnt it ? A person said to me recently when I was upset about a issue that was written about me............"surely your integrity as a professional and as a person has been questioned before ? the thing is in this case, you know you are being judged..but lets face it, if I hadnt told you you would never know, so does it really matter ? "- those words rung in my ears and yet today remain with me "... but then it's meant to isn't it?". I think you're right that sometimes taking sides is a sport and it's meant to make someone else feel bad. Bullying in schools is a bit like that. I guess I was referring to that kind of thing when I said I occasionally feel a little thrill at the drama of it all. Yuk me. Thinking of it the way you just wrote about it reminds me how very important it is - to me at least - to strive to be non-judgmental. One because being judgmental is a bit ugly and two because it just hurts people, plain and simple. Interesting how some judgments of us are easier to tolerate or ignore than others. Matters of the heart are always tough, I find. I've spent the past two years burning with the judgment from a man I loved, some of it justified I guess, some of it so, so, so unjust. But as I've been denied a voice I just need to deal with it. Gawd it's bloody hard when you think you've been dealt an injustice. But it's also incredibly character building and I'm sure I'm going to end up a better person for it all ... one day, hopefully, maybe ... :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Are a better person for it :) ... Your the best !!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Shinas' I have no issue saying sorry when I am wrong...Im a big beliver is sayng sorry..people fuckup, people make mistakes...and not every actoin is malicious......it takes a big person to say sorry ..a bigger person to forgive...Im currently begging forgiveness from someone..cause I did i fuckup..a genuine and stupid msitake on my part but they have chosen to ignore me and not forgive..saddens me but it is what it is..if this is part of their DNA then in all honesty I dont wish them in my life anymore..my apology is genuine and sincere.....I can only wish them the best.............and good health I am sorry Shinas but it seems you are now judging someone else and insinuating things about this person, that they are unforgiving etc. Do you think these comments help your cause? You have admitted you were the one that did the wrong thing in your example above. Yes we all fuck up at times and it is good to apologise but we also have to accept that the other person may not always forgive us. Sometimes we have to realise that we may hurt people in a ways that we are not even aware of, and of course sometimes people also need time to absorb things as well, that they need a little time. For me I think apologising is great but you can't assume that the person will react in the way that you want.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting you above "Sometimes, and this is something I really don't like about myself, I get a little thrill out of the battle and drama of taking sides, and value this over truth and fairness"To be honest anything I want to say to this comment will seem really harsh. I know I sometimes act like a nut and my emotions get the better of me however I truly believe what I say at all times. What is the point of arguing when you know something isn't true or fair?I truly hope that I am mature enough to always consider both sides of every story... even if I have no idea what the other side is I realise that people have their own agenda and bring their own beliefs and value system into everything they say therefore you shouldn't just take everything as a given. Particularity in this online community where some people have never even met each other. CheersMeeka
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Quoting you above "Sometimes, and this is something I really don't like about myself, I get a little thrill out of the battle and drama of taking sides, and value this over truth and fairness"To be honest anything I want to say to this comment will seem really harsh. I know I sometimes act like a nut and my emotions get the better of me however I truly believe what I say at all times. What is the point of arguing when you know something isn't true or fair?I'm not saying I do it often, just that sometimes I catch myself getting caught up in drama and realise I'm stuck in a view without even having all the facts. It's never malicious or intentional, but perhaps a bit blind or misguided. I realise I need to take a step back and listen, give people the benefit of the doubt etc. I could kick myself when I do that ... but hey, who's perfect :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes I am assuming that they aren't forgiving, that so very true and it would be fair to say that I hadn't looked at the situation from the perspective that you just wrote. Your comment has given me food for thought and I appreciate your take on it. I will mull this over and take your comment on board . This has been a learning experience for me too. Your rite, i would very much like their forgiveness but perhaps i dont deserve it, that could be so very true . I know you are aware of the situation so accordingly I thank you for such a fair and thought provoking comment which I hadn't honestly considered. I do hope in time our mutual friend will forgive me and make some sort of contact and if not naturally I wish them nothing but happiness. I appreciate your posting
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RHP User
13 years ago
many years ago,I would always support women no matter what.It was unconditional.I had a very close male friend but I sided with a female friend when their relationship fell apart. It turns out that I was so wrong.She stalked him and made his life hell.I sometimes think that my support of her enabled her to behaviour so badly. The truth is,we judge people all the time,what is now important to me is to try and take a balanced view,not rush to a judgement,not accept what is said at face value,but people do behave badly and sometimes that bad behaviour is simply unacceptable.
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Cheekyarses
13 years ago
There are 3 sides to every story - 'your side, their side n the truth'
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RHP User
13 years ago
... I think you may be right :-) and there lie-nth another problem. In life sometimes a person will choose not to disclose the whole story. They may do this out of respect and a genuine affection for the person that has wronged or hurt them. They will publicly own their mistake but choose not to air the mistakes of others. Op its a difficult one :-( Hope you are able to shine a light on your own situation soon. KK xx
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RHP User
13 years ago
... was tired when I wrote my last post! Hope it makes sense :-/ KK
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RHP User
13 years ago
The drama of online is pathetic. People have imagined relationships and invest emotions into cyber interaction Unless you have meet a person, talked to a person, had interaction with a person or even fucked their brains out they are a figment or YOUR imagination. As am I till you meet me, I am a phantom, you project what you want on to me. Would I have emotional feeling for anyone I never met , hell NO Would I be pissed at what a person wrote about me, perhaps, but then I would not know who they are anyway. Why get bent out of shape by some internet persona who has delusions about themselves. Look at moi look at moi Internet figments of their own small life, where they make a person , they create themselves an alter ego as it were. So online I have no clue about the story...the drama and the down right numbing stupidity. Off-line, I don’t want to hear the story, I am not interested in drama care factor O What I care about is war, famine, women’s rights, mens rights , child abuse and if I get passionate I want it to be about something that counts, not days of our lives. I do not forgive easy, I just walk away when I find out some one has been pissing in my pocket for no reason except they get turned on by drama in their lives. Just ask my family , its a fuck of from me if your going to be high maintenance , I have paid my dues listening to drivel and I am not filling up my gum boots with shit any more. So I don’t wade through it funny that I have a life....and that is one of the reasons I work for myself and alone most of the time the old office crap would make me have nose bleed it got so pathetic, not unlike cyber land Make your life count, and do not get tangled up with other peoples stories especially if its some online fiasco. get a switch off button, where you go deaf but you keep on nodding If the so called story is an internet fable, then dont forget to wear your internet costume the knight to the rescue, the wicked witch, the poor princess the joker, the King the queen take your pick there is a cast of thousands here.
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LemonDance
13 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' The drama of online is pathetic. People have imagined relationships and invest emotions into cyber interaction Unless you have meet a person, talked to a person, had interaction with a person or even fucked their brains out they are a figment or YOUR imagination. As am I till you meet me, I am a phantom, you project what you want on to me. Would I have emotional feeling for anyone I never met , hell NO Would I be pissed at what a person wrote about me, perhaps, but then I would not know who they are anyway. Why get bent out of shape by some internet persona who has delusions about themselves. Look at moi look at moi Internet figments of their own small life, where they make a person , they create themselves an alter ego as it were. So online I have no clue about the story...the drama and the down right numbing stupidity. Off-line, I don’t want to hear the story, I am not interested in drama care factor O What I care about is war, famine, women’s rights, mens rights , child abuse and if I get passionate I want it to be about something that counts, not days of our lives. I do not forgive easy, I just walk away when I find out some one has been pissing in my pocket for no reason except they get turned on by drama in their lives. Just ask my family , its a fuck of from me if your going to be high maintenance , I have paid my dues listening to drivel and I am not filling up my gum boots with shit any more. So I don’t wade through it funny that I have a life....and that is one of the reasons I work for myself and alone most of the time the old office crap would make me have nose bleed it got so pathetic, not unlike cyber land Make your life count, and do not get tangled up with other peoples stories especially if its some online fiasco. get a switch off button, where you go deaf but you keep on nodding If the so called story is an internet fable, then dont forget to wear your internet costume the knight to the rescue, the wicked witch, the poor princess the joker, the King the queen take your pick there is a cast of thousands here. I wish there was a "like" button for what you've said here Tuscanred... or a "very close to ditto" button...
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RHP User
13 years ago
The bigger the front the bigger the back... Clean out your own closet before you decide to clean someone else's ..... You will never fully, wholey and souly understand someone else's situation.... If you decide to judge someone, prepare to be judged yourself..... What you say does not define you, what you do does.... The more judgemental you are of others, the more insecure you are and the less time you are spending on yourself.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
... really loved your post :-) KK
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RHP User
13 years ago
cheekyarses You are wise. I agree with you . Spot on!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting you above "Sometimes, and this is something I really don't like about myself, I get a little thrill out of the battle and drama of taking sides, and value this over truth and fairness"To be honest anything I want to say to this comment will seem really harsh. I know I sometimes act like a nut and my emotions get the better of me however I truly believe what I say at all times. What is the point of arguing when you know something isn't true or fair?I truly hope that I am mature enough to always consider both sides of every story... even if I have no idea what the other side is I realise that people have their own agenda and bring their own beliefs and value system into everything they say therefore you shouldn't just take everything as a given. Particularity in this online community where some people have never even met each other. CheersMeekaBRILLIANT PIECE OF WRITING!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' The drama of online is pathetic. People have imagined relationships and invest emotions into cyber interaction Unless you have meet a person, talked to a person, had interaction with a person or even fucked their brains out they are a figment or YOUR imagination. As am I till you meet me, I am a phantom, you project what you want on to me. Would I have emotional feeling for anyone I never met , hell NO Would I be pissed at what a person wrote about me, perhaps, but then I would not know who they are anyway. Why get bent out of shape by some internet persona who has delusions about themselves. Look at moi look at moi Internet figments of their own small life, where they make a person , they create themselves an alter ego as it were. So online I have no clue about the story...the drama and the down right numbing stupidity. Off-line, I don’t want to hear the story, I am not interested in drama care factor O What I care about is war, famine, women’s rights, mens rights , child abuse and if I get passionate I want it to be about something that counts, not days of our lives. I do not forgive easy, I just walk away when I find out some one has been pissing in my pocket for no reason except they get turned on by drama in their lives. Just ask my family , its a fuck of from me if your going to be high maintenance , I have paid my dues listening to drivel and I am not filling up my gum boots with shit any more. So I don’t wade through it funny that I have a life....and that is one of the reasons I work for myself and alone most of the time the old office crap would make me have nose bleed it got so pathetic, not unlike cyber land Make your life count, and do not get tangled up with other peoples stories especially if its some online fiasco. get a switch off button, where you go deaf but you keep on nodding If the so called story is an internet fable, then dont forget to wear your internet costume the knight to the rescue, the wicked witch, the poor princess the joker, the King the queen take your pick there is a cast of thousands here. You are so right TR! Beautifully said! x
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RHP User
13 years ago
In using the evidence that I see at the time to generate my decision on any given situation. As a crowd controller back in the day, I was working a "techno" section of a nightclub, where at times the only light available was from a strobing light. Bugger of a thing that was. I was approached by two ladies, that I knew personally, one of them I went to school with. They complained that another female patron had hit one of them in the face. After the alleged offender was pointed out to me I approached the 3rd party and asked if that were true. Her response was "yep I hit her, but did they tell you they spat on me?" Well, no they didn't, so I asked her to stay away from them and I would instruct the other 2 to do the same, but all 3 would be asked to leave if I noticed them near each other. The response I received was somewhat disappointing, as I hadn't seen anything transpire prior to the complaint and didn't really want anyone to go home and miss out on their fun. However, I told the 2 people who'd complained what I told the alleged, and was greeted with "I thought you were our friend." In this case yes I stuck to my decision. However, I am open to having decisions I make change upon discussion, with all parties concerned to achieve a mostly happy outcome for everyone. As for apologising when I'm wrong, if I make a bad choice I take responsibility for it in my mind, apologise, but not always do I move on straight away from it. I pull the situation apart in my own mind, trying to see what I missed that brought about the miss judgement, however I need to stop this as quite often it does my head in lol I hope this helps - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
All I know is the odd snippet second hand, so I am not saying anthing about anything because I don't know anything!! LOL. I was making a general comment as I think sometimes we all forget to take into account the other person's feelings and history. :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
There is not much about people I hate more than telling half truths, incomplete stories, gently massaged or manipulated stories and perpetuating these schoolyard games. The best part of leaving high school was leaving that crap behind. I flatly refuse to participate in debate or argument if I even have a suspicion that I or the other person is missing a piece of the puzzle. Any time I have been incorrect or unfairly judged someone or a situation apologizing comes as a relief.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Reading some of these posts I realise I'm surrounded by saints. Whose feet should I kiss so that some of the saintliness rubs off on me, I wonder ...
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RHP User
13 years ago
You are more than welcome to kiss my arse. :D Hahaha Saints... Well we all do the best we can. I know that if someone hurts people I love I wouldn't be worried about fairness or right or wrong. I would attack first and ask questions later. Well I am half Italian! Hot blooded and perfectly unreasonable at times.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I've never been much of a brown noser though. I do agree however that, despite a lot of the "I can't stand" and "I would never" comments on the thread, most of us fuck up from time to time, jump to conclusions and take sides without having all the facts.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I doubt there would be anyone here that hasn't fucked up. The general of what you described in your OP isn't a big deal but there are people out there that exhibit behavior to the extreme and cause enormous unpleasantness to all and sundry. Unfortunately I have encountered enough of them to have left a terrible taste and extreme low tolerance of anyone not playing a straight game on important issues they affect others.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm an incredibly sore loser and I hate being wrong! Thus I always try and make sure I've done my research and learn about all sides of the argument. Then I can argue it until I'm black and blue, knowing I'm right :D
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RHP User
13 years ago
... and I'll sit on it.
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RHP User
13 years ago
... just make sure that fence has a smooth surface. Splinters can be a real bummer ;-) KK
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RHP User
13 years ago
Some researchers looked at how social media and technology is influencing people's behaviour. It seems that people today prefer to have connections rather than conversations. They are becoming more insular, looking for people who have similar beliefs as them. At the end of the day, people use online platforms to control their interaction with other users (not people, users) rather than handle the real world where they have no real control over it. Look at messages written on forum posts. It tends to be 1 to 2 paragraphs. Anything more and people lose interest. Unfortunately in life, those who stand in the middle of the road get hit by traffic from both sides. You will have to take a side, it just depends on how you do it. The thing I've learnt is that you can only control the thought's of one person, yourself. You do not know what other people are thinking or if they are even telling the whole story. There is a saying, ask four witnesses at an accident and you will get four different stories that it seems like they are talking about four different accidents. Watch the chinese movie titled Hero. The same scene from different points of view. The same characters looks very different from another person's view. We have our own picture of ourselves and of other people. Someone else has a different picture of ourselves and those people. They might be different from us. I've found generally that the problem is usually the symptom and not the underlying cause. I used to take the side of my friends when younger. After all, I only hear the one side. These days, I ask questions and through that get my friend to reflect on what happened. Boy, some (most) don't like self reflection and tend to keep away from me. Due to my training, I tend to look at all sides before making a decision. However, if I get it wrong, sometimes badly wrong, I own up and apologise. I try and make up for it if I can. That is the best I can do. That is all I can control. I have no control of the other party. Some refuse to accept the apology, most do. It can hurt especially if you still treasure the friendship/relationship but I keep reminding myself, I did my best to own up to my mistake and if they do not accept it, it is not my problem anymore. It is theirs.
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RHP User
13 years ago
One thing I do before I pick a side (most of the time) is ask a LOT of questions and gather a LOT of information. I admit I test people a lot, try to trip them up, make sure their story is straight before I buy any of it. I've had pathological liars in my life before - in fact I remember one whose outrageous claims still make me laugh 20 years later. I'm pretty good at discerning what's real or even just what's probable and - despite my OP admitting I do fuck up from time to time - I pride myself on impartiality until I have pretty strong evidence. In fact, I'm trained to think that way due to the field I work in. So friend or not, I'm not going to pick their side unless I'm damned clear about it.
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RHP User
13 years ago
... just had my morning cuppa and had a little think about this topic. I've done the impartial and even that has proven to be problematic (sometimes you just can't win!). However, I do know I don't like to be drawn into a discussion based solely on idle gossip. In those such situations I feel I'm not qualified to make "the call" as it would be based on heresay and emotive opinions only, rather than facts and concrete evidence. So I try not to comment on situations where I don't know the parties personally. For example I try not to comment on forum "in house" squabbles if the people involved reside interstate and I haven't even met them in person. I just feel it would be very unfair and amiss of me. On reflection it really is a difficult topic.
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