F52
Trying to Understand Swinging
April 04 2014
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Only people that are confident in themselves and in their relationship should go swinging I think. Seeing your lover with other people is very hot, exciting and a complete turn on. Of course you still feel that connection with each other, its in the looks you give each other, the conversation you have during the act.... you may be fucking other people but that connection between you is always there. I am not so sure about couples who have boyfriends or girlfriends outside their primary relationship....... I think I could handle it but I would have to know them too. None of this don't ask don't tell business.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My current swinging partner continues to see me with genuine affection and interest which shows me that she cares and respects me. It's all I need for it to work, and she doesn't take me or the freedom we found together for granted. We continually reflect and comment on our experiences and people we may meet. We also know that while pleasure may come from other people who are joining us it's not a zero sum situation and won't affect what we can provide to each other another time.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Fraught with danger? Not necessarily any more than any other relationship. For swinging to work the couple have to be completely honest with each other at all times, they need to put their relationship above any other. To me, I think you only start feeling jealous when you feel excluded or you are scared of loosing your partner. Therefore you have to be honest within yourself and speak up when you are feeling left our or like this. Don't let it fester......if you are with the right person they will assure you and make you feel safe and comfortable straight away. You have to care for each others feelings and put each other first always. My 2 cents anyway.
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jenniecruising
12 years ago
Maybe your last comment sums up your post. Swinging does not sustain a relationship it enhances it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Had some great experiences with couples who were very secure and comfortable, and where I didn't feel like the odd one out. I will only play with experienced couples though. Reading things on profiles like "we've decided to spice up our relationship" send up red flags for me.It's like they are saying they're here to fix something, rather than make something great even better. As for me, I'm not sure if I could swing with a man I'm in love with. Time will have to tell.
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RHP User
12 years ago
But you and your FWB are not in love, are you? If you were, do you think it would make a difference?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' But you and your FWB are not in love, are you? If you were, do you think it would make a difference? We aren't in love, but are fantastic friends. I don't think it would make a difference if we were. I think monogamy and exclusive relationships ultimately lead to issues most people (and society as a whole) are too afraid to face - not the most popular opinion but one that feels true to me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
you need a very solid relationship to start with and the early days will be stressful, regardless of how OK either of you are with it until you've 'proven' to yourself and each other that you can trust in the relationship and be ok after an encounter. once you reach that place it can be fantastic. we had a bumpy start getting through the early days but are now loving it for the experiences and self realisation it can bring to both of us. yes we could stop tomorrow if either one decided they needed that - and that is as important as being able to do it in the first place - you need to be able to walk away and resume your relationship in a strong place. if you can't then it is just masking a greater problem. and the one thing that makes it work is communication, open honest and timely communication. and respect - that if either of you is not ok with a situation that you are able to communicate this and the other respect it and be prepared to walk away with you. but it's ok to not like it or want to do it or to be uncomfortable with joining in with couples. everyone has different needs and boundaries and that is healthy. it is when we push them or ignore them to 'fit in' that there is trouble. thanks for asking the question - always good to think about why we do what we do :) have a great day Wren
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RHP User
12 years ago
I suppose I'm perplexed at how inviting others into what is the intamacy between couples can be enhancing. I understand that swinging is not cheating, it's not betrayal, but for me, when I love someone, it's somewhat consuming, rather than sharing. I don't see this as selfish, it's just that for me, love means I keep myself for someone and they do the same for me. Maybe my inability to get my head around this is because I'm single, or maybe I have bigger trust issues than I admit? I guess what I'm trying to understand is how can swinging not be dangerous or destructive to the intimacy of a relationship? I also wonder what happens when the swinging partners become regular, what happens when the original dynamics shift? Are all parties then buying into the relationship because it now no longer belongs to a couple but a group? - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
12 years ago
It's Mado, the guy and I know how you feel. I am very emotional and my love for Tara still hurts after twenty years, it will never change not now. The thought with Tara having sex with another man because she needs something I don't seem to give, makes me feel ill. The thought with Tara having sex with another man while I am with her and losing that connection to her makes me feel ill. (only fools call that jealous and insecure, they don't know love) We have become best friends, well we were from the beginning, time has just stood by us for it to be a real thing, not pretend. I believe being in love as best friends changes some of those feelings for pain to passion. It is no easy task explaining feelings, though when we have sex with some one else together, the feelings are fantastic and no pain, only that love we have that keeps us from being apart from each other. There is sexual encounters we wish to share and have done, as we really enjoy sex for each other, It's double penetration and fucking Tara while some lucky bugger she gives head too,either way round, is what turns us on. Though as much we want to enjoy ourselves we wish for the other person/s to enjoy that love we share for the passion that can't be had without that love we share. I don't expect this to make all sense as again it is not easy writing down feelings, I try my best. Think it is all trust and giving and communication is the one thing that keeps it true, without that no it would not be a wise thing, got to be friends, true love. Group sex without that love is a different thing, before hand pending the argument coming. Mado Mado Tara xx
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
I at times believe that couples believe if they join a swinging site it will Miraculously make their relationship better and that single ppl are looking for love... However a marriage needs to be solid for swinging to work - just a thought
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RHP User
12 years ago
That made me feel a little sad hugs xx Q
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Fraught with danger? Not necessarily any more than any other relationship. For swinging to work the couple have to be completely honest with each other at all times, they need to put their relationship above any other. To me, I think you only start feeling jealous when you feel excluded or you are scared of loosing your partner. Therefore you have to be honest within yourself and speak up when you are feeling left our or like this. Don't let it fester......if you are with the right person they will assure you and make you feel safe and comfortable straight away. You have to care for each others feelings and put each other first always. My 2 cents anyway. Jealous is not a simple feeling, there is a lot of beautiful feelings for it to become something negative, it does not have to be a negative feeling, it sure does exist for reason and meanings, I think the feeling is used loosely and not very well understood. Like many feelings they can get all mixed up. Insecure is commonly used as a partner to jealousy, I believe it has become a term for anger and mirrored by many who use the term as to themselves not prepared to accept their own blame for losing someone, maybe they thought they owned. Feelings hurt for reasons, I believe, and it takes a lifetime of meanings to even begin to understand them.
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Paradisepair
12 years ago
They're all negative emotions. It's a rebirth of your connection together when you can drop them and truly trust that even if your partner bangs someone hotter, prettier, more confident etc than you that it's not going to change your connection. If anything being so trusting and secure together strengthens it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you for your answers, and for the honesty in them. I know that swinging is not for me as it only offers confusion which is why I thought to ask these questions. I appreciate you taking the time to answer me. Like I said I don't judge it all, I just know it's not a path for me and I think that knowing is healthy as I won't just go along with it for the ride, so to speak, if it was offered in a relationship, I would only damage things for myself Easiest option is to stay out of relationships which is a successful move thus far, ha ha. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you for your answers, and for the honesty in them. I know that swinging is not for me as it only offers confusion which is why I thought to ask these questions. I appreciate you taking the time to answer me. Like I said I don't judge it all, I just know it's not a path for me and I think that knowing is healthy as I won't just go along with it for the ride, so to speak, if it was offered in a relationship, I would only damage things for myself Easiest option is to stay out of relationships which is a successful move thus far, ha ha. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
Before we started to take this journey on rhp almost 6years ago now!! I (mrs Cheeky) was a very jealous person.... Mr cheeky would only have to talk to another girl and I would be instantly jealous... So you can only imagine the things that were going through my mind when we were about to indulge in our first play date - what if he falls in love with her, what if she is better in every way..... It never crossed my mind that maybe he was having some of these 'what if' thoughts too.... But funnily enough and this will not happen to every couple that joins RHP, but it has seemed to have cured my jealousy... I like watching Mr Cheeky with another woman, I allow him to see other women without me there, I encourage him "pick up, flirt, spend time with, txt, send pics, talk to other women.... We can allow each other to do this because we know that we have a connection that we cannot find with someone else.... As long as he has a good story to tell me and got pics of the event then im all smiles!
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JohnAnn2227
12 years ago
We have been swinging on and off now for 15 years. For us it is all about having fun, sharing amazing experiences and pushing our boundaries and having a naughty secret that our families could not even imagine. Jealousy does not come into the equation for us as we love each other and have no doubts about our relationship. We love bringing in extra partners to bring each other even more pleasure. When John shares me with another partner it is him telling me he trusts me to remain his, he loves me and he would do anything to make me happy. We understand that it is not for everyone, or even most, but for us it has always worked.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Somethingnew... I think everyone knows what you're saying. What you are thinking is more the norm than not... Couples'. married or single go through the same thought process . While some choose to stay safe and do nothing , others choose to dip the toe and see what happens.. Couples who decide to give it a whirl shouldn't be judged swingers until they digest the experience and decide if they want more. In my experience' couples that do swing are confident people and comfortable in their own skin.. I don't agree with Meander... where first time couples who state they want to spice up their relationship usually do so after much discussion. Every couple has to start somewhere so to ignore them because they are inexperienced is wrong...
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Two_Tarts
12 years ago
For us Swinging was about the right time and place in our relationship. A gift to ourselves and each other. The perfect gift for people who already have everything they need. An adventure that we share together. We have often wondered what it would have been like to have become swingers when we were younger and with less wrinkles. But back then we were too busy working on the teamwork necessary for our relationship, children, work, mortgages, bills, and figuring out who we were as individuals and a couple as our lives went through our rapid changes. For swinging to make sense you need to have a very clear and confident picture of yourself and your relationship and that seems to come with time and the diminishing stress of those other hassles in life. It seems the majority of couples we have met seem to find swinging in the same natural and organic way that we did, and at about the same point in their lives relative to their relationship. There just came a point where it made sense and where we were mature enough that we could figure out how to deal with the inevitable challeges that any good adventure holds. We have just been reading a book by Terry Gould called The Lifestyle - A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers. An extremely thorough and scientific approach to explaining why so many couples simply love the adventure of swinging and find it such a positive experience. A good read for the benefit of those who have not yet walked in our shoes but are interested to understand why it works so well for us and our friends.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am sure there are many couples for 'whom this didn't work......so was it because there were already in trouble or did it actually cause trouble for them?......it would be good to hear the other side xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'd say they already had problems and the play could possibly made it worse.. Then again , it might have had a positive effect.. ? Good question , and hopefully we get some first hand experiences..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you for your further responses. I've seen in threads were people say swinging enhances or strengthens their relationships, but there seemed to be little arguement to back that up. Hence where the questions started brewing. You're answers really are appreciated. I'm single as I've mentioned, so this lifestyle is only something I'm seeing from the outside. I do wonder though like I asked before, are there circumstances where the relaionship belongs to a group and no longer a couple? - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'somethinew' Thank you for your further responses. I've seen in threads were people say swinging enhances or strengthens their relationships, but there seemed to be little arguement to back that up. Hence where the questions started brewing. You're answers really are appreciated. I'm single as I've mentioned, so this lifestyle is only something I'm seeing from the outside. I do wonder though like I asked before, are there circumstances where the relaionship belongs to a group and no longer a couple? - Posted from rhpmobile Not the relationship you want. That belongs to no one else, don't think anyone owns each other, though they own the relationship that is built between each other to become partners with anything in life. Swinging is not love so much for others to take, it is something to share if say for example, you find that love with a partner that cares for you more than anything else, not family love and other love, just the romantic love. Then that can't be taken, only cared too. Yes it may be difficult to feel those emotions, without the other half to support them with you. You need that first, you would need him first.
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him_and_me
12 years ago
Quoting 'somethinew' I do wonder though like I asked before, are there circumstances where the relaionship belongs to a group and no longer a couple? I think that any interaction you have with another person (be it romantic, sexual or platonic) builds a relationship. Entering into a play situation with another couple, especially if it is a recurring thing, means sharing a relationship with them but I can't see that it would ever be the same as my relationship with Mr Him. Our relationship is unique to us (and I don't mean that in any wanky 'no-one-is-as-good-as-us' kind of way), it's built on years spent together, growing up, travelling, having a family, caring for each other, creating a home and so on. One of our (his) early concerns with swinging was what happens if/when I meet another man who is 'bigger or better' than my husband. It may happen but I'm not going to run off with that person. Sex is only one element of our relationship. I know people who can cook better than my husband, but I'm not going to leave him for them. I know people who are 'handier' than my husband, but I'm not going to leave him for them. Mr Him is my best friend as well as my husband and the father of my children and my travel buddy as well as lover. He's great! We're still really in the beginning stages of this journey but we talk about it often and how it makes us feel within ourselves and about each other. For us, our relationship is paramount and we have 'rules' in place to help us maintain that. As we_want_to also said, we have a very claer picture of what our relationship is. But I think you're right OP, swinging (like anything) is not for everyone. And that's ok. x Me
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'him_and_me' Quoting 'somethinew' I do wonder though like I asked before, are there circumstances where the relaionship belongs to a group and no longer a couple? I think that any interaction you have with another person (be it romantic, sexual or platonic) builds a relationship. Entering into a play situation with another couple, especially if it is a recurring thing, means sharing a relationship with them but I can't see that it would ever be the same as my relationship with Mr Him. Our relationship is unique to us (and I don't mean that in any wanky 'no-one-is-as-good-as-us' kind of way), it's built on years spent together, growing up, travelling, having a family, caring for each other, creating a home and so on. One of our (his) early concerns with swinging was what happens if/when I meet another man who is 'bigger or better' than my husband. It may happen but I'm not going to run off with that person. Sex is only one element of our relationship. I know people who can cook better than my husband, but I'm not going to leave him for them. I know people who are 'handier' than my husband, but I'm not going to leave him for them. Mr Him is my best friend as well as my husband and the father of my children and my travel buddy as well as lover. He's great! We're still really in the beginning stages of this journey but we talk about it often and how it makes us feel within ourselves and about each other. For us, our relationship is paramount and we have 'rules' in place to help us maintain that. As we_want_to also said, we have a very claer picture of what our relationship is. But I think you're right OP, swinging (like anything) is not for everyone. And that's ok. x Me It sort of sounds like your hubby had the concerns, though the way you have put it, sounds like you are looking for that with swinging. Has your hubby gotten use to feeling that way, or have you confirmed it? Or is it simply not how it is meant to be read? Mado Mado Tara xx
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him_and_me
12 years ago
Mado, no, I'm not searching for someone who is better in bed than my Mr Him. If that's how it came out sounding I guess I didn't explain myself properly. Like I said, we've discussed many aspects of this and it's not something that he's concerned about anymore. Have I confirmed what? I'm confused by that question...? What I was trying to say is that sex is just one element of many in our relationship and having sex with others isn't going to be detrimental to that relationship. x Me - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
12 years ago
I did not think you meant it that way, it's easy to read things out of sorts, just letting you know how it may sound, that's all. Confirmed only applies to what you did not mean. So it is no longer a question.
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him_and_me
12 years ago
You were asking if I had run off with a better root? x Me - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
12 years ago
Just that hubby may have experienced you being fucked by a bigger better man than him. Confirmed his concerns. As said it was curiosity to the thoughts you expressed, lead to the feeling you love your hubby, though he is not much good at anything. It's the way it was written suggests that. I know how it feels to be misunderstood in here, so there is no aggression with anything with our conversation, we all have different thoughts, learning from others is something we have come to many conversations with each other. Your thoughts leave us a little confused to what you mean, that's all.
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him_and_me
12 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' As said it was curiosity to the thoughts you expressed, lead to the feeling you love your hubby, though he is not much good at anything. It's the way it was written suggests that. Your thoughts leave us a little confused to what you mean, that's all. Oh gee. If I made it sound like he's not much good at anything then I really fucked up my first response to this thread. And if that's how everyone is reading it I must appologise to my husband! That also wasn't meant to be the main point I was making. And OP, I'm so sorry to have hijacked this thread! x Me
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'him_and_me' Quoting 'madotara69' As said it was curiosity to the thoughts you expressed, lead to the feeling you love your hubby, though he is not much good at anything. It's the way it was written suggests that. Your thoughts leave us a little confused to what you mean, that's all. Oh gee. If I made it sound like he's not much good at anything then I really fucked up my first response to this thread. And if that's how everyone is reading it I must appologise to my husband! That also wasn't meant to be the main point I was making. And OP, I'm so sorry to have hijacked this thread! x Me And somethinew, tell us we are wrong, though I believe this is exactly why and what the thread is for. Hijacking it would be challenging the topic and trying to change it. Fair to say this aint no easy a set of emotions and feelings to express, in just a sentence. Hard it is this lifestyle, not to hit nerves now and then. Gee I am sorry x Me!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Your debate, discussion and banter is warmly welcomed. The whole point of the thread was about seeking answers to something I don't understand. I was contacted privately by a gentleman who shared his thoughts which was very enlightening and much appreciated. I am thankful for the frankness of your responses. Sexuality is a fascinating subject and deserves exploring. If I don't ask the questions then I remain ignorant. Whilst I'm not judgemental, I probably have not been as sympathetic to the lifestyle as I could be. Sometimes I've gotten the feeling that swingers see themselves as somehow superior in their relationship abilities. But I think there's always people who think they're better at love and sex than others. I'm still not sure if swinging will ever be for me, but I have to find a lover who makes it past the audition round and gets a call back before I can contemplate other cast members. I was wondering how much emotion gets involved in swinging and I'm starting to see that for some, probably more than is initially realised and that not every swinger is just playing a game . - Posted from rhpmobile
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DTE_couple
12 years ago
The are a lot of good things to take out of swinging. You just have to look at the positives not the negatives.Positive's -1. After playing we talk about certain things that we liked and before you know it my partner and I are going for it again and again. And sometime even days after or weeks after. For us we can watch our partner being pleasured and look at it as a turn on.......2. Every one likes to do different things sexually and you learn lots of really good things to enjoy with your partner.3. Nothing beats 4 people having sex right next to each other with hands and tongues going everywhere as well.4. We also enjoy the social aspect of the swinging lifestyle and talking to like minded people.5. Then there's the flirting and getting to know each other I could be here adding more but I think these are the main things Cheers
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madotara69
12 years ago
Your feelings for love equal that beauty, the day you say "we", is the day you shall no longer be so confused. Try think of it this way, could you trust yourself not to hurt your lover if you swung with him? As if he loves you, then same answer.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' Your thoughts leave us a little confused to what you mean, that's all. Quoting 'him_and_me'If I made it sound like he's not much good at anything then I really fucked up my first response to this thread. And if that's how everyone is reading it I must appologise to my husband! Mrs Me, that's not how I read it at all. You clearly stated you think your husband is great and you're not after anyone else. And Mado, a lot of your posts leave me confused, but you knew that. Riff on ;-)
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madotara69
12 years ago
Why is it that the ones closest too us always hurt us the most Won't someone lend me a helping hand Won't someone try to understand Screaming jets Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'madotara69' Your thoughts leave us a little confused to what you mean, that's all. Quoting 'him_and_me'If I made it sound like he's not much good at anything then I really fucked up my first response to this thread. And if that's how everyone is reading it I must appologise to my husband! Mrs Me, that's not how I read it at all. You clearly stated you think your husband is great and you're not after anyone else. And Mado, a lot of your posts leave me confused, but you knew that. Riff on ;-) Quoting 'madotara69' I know how it feels to be misunderstood in here, so there is no aggression with anything with our conversation, we all have different thoughts, learning from others is something we have come to many conversations with each other. Your thoughts leave us a little confused to what you mean, that's all. I did say, we thought we read it wrong, for that very reason, why it has developed to this?
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RHP User
12 years ago
You have consenting couples and singles who enjoy playing with other consenting couples and singles..Move on!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Asked a legitimate question,some people have shared how it happened for them and how it works for them.....but clearly it doesn't always work for others......nobody has posted to that point yet....to just dismiss the OP with a move on response is as silly as dismissing someone with a query about for instance anal or bondage xx Q
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'Luvnya69' You have consenting couples and singles who enjoy playing with other consenting couples and singles..Move on! Very deep
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RHP User
12 years ago
We started this journey together last year and it was because as a couple we wanted to try fantasies that both of us shared as a couple. Our first experience was at a swingers party and both of us agreed that if either had any doubts or concerns we would leave. But we discussed it all and made sure that as as a couple we were both in the same place. We know our relationship and who we are, my husband loves to share in my pleasure as I in his. For us its about sharing experiences together if tomorrow we both decided we didn't want to anymore we would be fine with that.
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flashjack7
12 years ago
You have summed it up perfectly DTE - my thoughts exactly! Mrs F xx Quoting 'DTE_couple' The are a lot of good things to take out of swinging. You just have to look at the positives not the negatives.Positive's -1. After playing we talk about certain things that we liked and before you know it my partner and I are going for it again and again. And sometime even days after or weeks after. For us we can watch our partner being pleasured and look at it as a turn on.......2. Every one likes to do different things sexually and you learn lots of really good things to enjoy with your partner.3. Nothing beats 4 people having sex right next to each other with hands and tongues going everywhere as well.4. We also enjoy the social aspect of the swinging lifestyle and talking to like minded people.5. Then there's the flirting and getting to know each other
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well for us we feel that the pleasure we give one another is to good to be kept between us. After all sharing is caring, and as a couple you have to be 100% comfy with each other. Or all hell will break loose. And swinging is a life style that is 100% trust with each other, and the way we see it its just sex or fucking its not MAKING LOVE, so its just the raw animal feeling that helps us serperate what we do.We agree 100% swinging is not for everyone.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It seems that an established relationship is the key. If you were to swing as fairly newly involved then the cracks might appear or if the relationship is damaged in the first place then swinging is just asking for trouble. The confidence that you have in your relationships surprises me. I've never seen cheating as a reason to end a relationship for myself personally, it's a symptom of trouble, not a cause, and I guess I've kind of viewed swinging as a type of cheating but having your nose rubbed in it. Fair assumption. And as for my asking these questions, where else could I start this conversation? Swinging is kind of secret society stuff, sure here it's in the open, but it's still only open conditionally, it's not like in the real world people are advertising that they're open to the conversation, most people I know would be mortified if I said "so you two...like to watch or share...or is it just a closed bedroom for you?" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
My first rule is to just meet have a chat socialise etc.. No expectations of playing until keep reading.. From there couples suggest their rules boundries and whether or not they are interested in playing..first rule for me is male should be at least 50% involved in conversation communication and discussion in social setting.. This demonstrates to me a couple is secure in a secure relationship and genuine swingers. - Posted from rhpmobile
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him_and_me
12 years ago
Quoting 'somethinew' It seems that an established relationship is the key. If you were to swing as fairly newly involved then the cracks might appear or if the relationship is damaged in the first place then swinging is just asking for trouble. I guess I've kind of viewed swinging as a type of cheating but having your nose rubbed in it. You're right, this is exactly the right place to ask these kinds of questions! I guess one limitation you might find with the answers though, is that the people for who swinging didn't work (for whatever reason) are probably not in here anymore to give you their insights. And yes, I don't think swinging was something I could have done in the early years of our marriage when I was less secure in myself, but now our relationship is well and truely established and there is no doubt in my mind about the solidity of it. For us, it's only cheating if there is lying involved. As for having your nose rubbed in it - perhaps it might feel like that if you weren't both completely onboard but if it's consentual and open then there should mostly be delight that you're both doing something that you both want to do. x Me
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'him_and_me' Quoting 'somethinew' It seems that an established relationship is the key. If you were to swing as fairly newly involved then the cracks might appear or if the relationship is damaged in the first place then swinging is just asking for trouble. I guess I've kind of viewed swinging as a type of cheating but having your nose rubbed in it. You're right, this is exactly the right place to ask these kinds of questions! I guess one limitation you might find with the answers though, is that the people for who swinging didn't work (for whatever reason) are probably not in here anymore to give you their insights. And yes, I don't think swinging was something I could have done in the early years of our marriage when I was less secure in myself, but now our relationship is well and truely established and there is no doubt in my mind about the solidity of it. For us, it's only cheating if there is lying involved. As for having your nose rubbed in it - perhaps it might feel like that if you weren't both completely onboard but if it's consentual and open then there should mostly be delight that you're both doing something that you both want to do. x Me The ones who it didn't work out for are probably spiralling off into outer space buy now, don't think it would be pretty to try swinging for the wrong reasons. We have told a few friends what we get up to, though they would have heard sooner or later anyway, not the point, though when we have told them, in Tara's case the lady has said "how could you do that I could not imagine another woman with my man" The guys I have spoken to, just ~grin~" But not long after, they all start asking questions about it, start sharing their more commonly private bedroom activities (naughty) and whether they want to swing or not, we find they are all dirty fuckers too. Ultimately everyone seems to get a little frisky over the idea.
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madotara69
12 years ago
By now. And no spelling does not really make it to the bedroom, can't spell most bedroom talk anyway, sounds muffled, high pitched, or generally sort of exaggerated. Some of the words do not even exist, most of them. he he
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RHP User
12 years ago
Bloody learners go visit POF or Eharmony if u dont get it stop wasting actual swingers time yeah!!!!!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Time wasters with negative comments are definitely here Josh Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's a sport I'm not in the habit of often commenting on forums but this forum has caught my eye. I haven't really had a good look at the other comments here, however in a direct response to "somthinew" I would make two observations; As a single it is far easier to "swing" because there is only your pleasure to think about from your side. If you are seeking out couples or couples are seeking out you then you are always going to find bias. (You can always just walk away if it's not working for you - in fact you will find that you can be quite demanding because you're "helping" them out.) The magic of being single and adventurous is that you pick what you do and who you do it with - all the way from simply watching to to full bodied sharing. Along with my partner, I treat "swinging" as a sport, or at the least a workout. We separate "love" from the activity of sex when we are in the "game" mode. Sex can be a massive release, not only physically but mentally. Great sex produces a cocktail of naturally occurring opiates including endorphins and adrenalin and because of this it is a real rush. There are some very good "sports" clubs around that support singles and include other singles in their membership mix. Don't write off swinging because of one or two bad or uncomfortable experiences. :>)
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RHP User
12 years ago
To all of you who have added value to tjis thread, thank you, and those who contacted me privately. Your honesty about your chosen lifestyle shows how comfortable you are in it and its from people like you that I'll learn something and maybe even re-evaluate my boundaries. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
what you are asking for could literally fill a book. And even then, it isn't likely to click for you. Simple answer is that for you, being single, would first have to fathom the emotion and depth of a relationship you have not yet had. Tall order. Then, you would have to attempt to evaluate that mythical relationship in this context. You simply cannot create all of that in your head. Nothing wrong with you at all. You just have never been where many of us are. Not to say all swinging couples are in it for the exact same reasons, but speaking for us, we are here because of the power of what we share, our commitment to one another, and the level of deep, deep connection, trust and communication we have developed over the years. We've raised kids, moved around the world, run businesses together... We've been through a lot. We also have a great deal of self confidence. Without that it simply couldn't work. If either of us was not okay with who we are, and more specifically our value to the other, it wouldn't work. Are there still little fears that can crop up... Sure. But we talk... A lot. For us, this is part of evolution within our marriage. We cannot imagine someone or something pulling us away... There is no void to fill. If either of us ever begins to feel differently, we are committed to discussing it, and we trust one another to do so. That trust has been developed over many years and lots of communication about not just the good, but the to tough stuff as well. Our best suggestion if you truly want to attempt a glimpse of understanding, would be to open yourself to seeing and feeling the connection and love between 2 people who are deeply connected and in love, and in this lifestyle. Maybe you'll then at some point get to sense a glimpse of it and gain at least a morsel of understanding. Maybe. You may never. Who knows. At any rate, that's our best stab at explaining it. :-)
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree with the last comment you must be sure your relationship is secure. My wife and I have been swinging and it was very sexy, watching her lick a woman for the first time was such a turn on, likewise when I watched her sucking another man I was extremely aroused. When we went home after we had the most intense sex with each other. It is not something we do often but when we are feeling like we need something more and want to spice things up and we don't cheat on each other.
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LifeUnscripted
11 years ago
Do you get jealous or excited when you think about someone else with your partner? If it excites you then you are a good candidate for swinging. If it doesn't then probably not. Have you ever heard of compersion? It is basically the opposition of jealousy. And we rank high on the compersion scale. We both love watching each other with others, or hearing about exploits. It is exciting to us and a huge turn on. That, along with a fantastic marriage and complete openness, trust and honesty, is what makes our swinging relationship work. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was in a relationship with a swinger for a couple of years. It neither excited me or made me jealous......I was kind of neutral about it. After a while I thought 'what's really in this for me'? If I want to have sex with other women, I would prefer to have a wider choice of women than those who were in the scene, so for me, it became somewhat stale and boring because the bulk of her social life revolved around the scene and those in it. I don't have sex for sex sake and I saw a lot of that going on in the scene
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RHP User
11 years ago
The fun of not knowing what will happen is the turn on.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've never partner swapped or watched my partner with another man. I've had bi partners who have shared me with other women n I've always left the option open to them if they would like another guy to join us, however this has never happened. We made a rule that it could never be with anyone we knew personally and it would never be more than a one night stand. At the end of the day, 2 is always better than 1 n I wouldn't denie her of that experience as I gotta admit I loved having someone else join us. I'm currently looking 4 a fuck buddy to attend group parties or partner swaps now I'm single as I couldn't think of anything better but I don't think I could be in love and frequent that scene
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