M54 F52
Shy wife
January 18 2019
Comments
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madotara69
7 years ago
but your wife is 'shy' ? (like hates the idea of it, put lightly to us kind of shy) That's not saying something like, "hey we are keen as, the idea we have both come to reason and agree with each other, my wife is a little shy and............" Reads as though you have the fantasy but your wife is shy to your fantasy ? What happens when anyone perhaps finds interest in your couple's profile, in where no mention 'but my wife is shy, this is my fantasy.....hit us up if you want to hook up ? Suggest you may hurt your wife, lose her trust (if any has been established) and chance danger with any wellbeing you both have within your relationship. Is a fantasy you have, even put it out there and into action....worthwhile, including who may become involved if led astray ? This isn't so much for you, it's in case your wife were to read, maybe give her a little courage, self esteem, chase her fantasy but you are shy (sic)? Mado Mado Tara xx
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DynamicCouple36
7 years ago
Could it be ...? That you, the male, are the one who has registered this profile on RHP, without your wife’s knowledge ? That you are the one pushing / wanting to have sex with others ? And that your poor wife is simply not interested nor ready for any of this ? And that your way to describe the situation is that she is “shy” ???
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RHP User
7 years ago
Don't have a couples profile then. And what Mado said, he is more patient than me today.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I am the shy half of my duo however am an active participant.... This conversation is better had with your partner and whatever the outcome respect her decisions, dont belittle her if she does not share your swinging fantasy. The best experiences are ones you have together, actively and wholeheartedly participated in by you both, from profile looking to chatting to flirting to seducing to ultimate nakedness and sexual satisfaction - it’s mutual all the way!!
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
Eye roll
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RHP User
7 years ago
Ditto on the eye roll. Really it’s a convo to be having with your wife
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RHP User
7 years ago
If your wife is shy and would like advice she should make a post, from what I’ve seen people here are really kind and supportive in posts like that. The fact that you’ve posted this and the way that you’ve worded it will not encourage kindness and patience at all! It looks like you want to find ways to coerce her into living out your fantasy and I don’t think you’ll find manny people here who support that kind of shit.
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BlueDMB
7 years ago
All but one of the replies so far have assumed or implied that the OP is disingenuous and that he is trying to inappropriately coerce his wife into doing something that she doesn’t want to do. Poor form people. Re-check your own biases, pre-conceptions and sarcasm and perhaps think twice before jumping down someone’s throat. The OP asked for advice, not put downs.
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MissBishere
7 years ago
Be nice to your wife and if she isn’t into it then seriously consider whether the fantasy needs to become a reality or can stay as a fantasy. If she is interested but wants to go slowly then do that. Otherwise you might find yourself with no wife.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Is ot possible OPs wife is quite eager and excited by the idea but shy in swinging enviroments? OP, be sensative of your wifes feelings and at the same time encouraging, let her know you have some anxieties too but have ballanced those fears with posible rewards of experience.. I am sure most of us have experienced this.. good luck with your journey together :)
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RHP User
7 years ago
Thanks all for the respond. Actually we have discussed about my fantasy and she is interested. However it is not easy to make it real. We will join a very soft swinger for starting. Let's see
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RHP User
7 years ago
Wowh! It makes sense to reach out to the community to ask such a questions and it seems like you’ve got to be prepared to be swamped with some heavy hitting critical comments. Makes you seriously cautious about posing questions right? To answer your question, I’ll draw from my experience. Respond to messages together, view photos and webcam from interesting couples before meeting, have a social drink and then organise a meet. Decrease the pressure and expectation and set the rules. First meet will only involve kissing, bra and nickers still on... If she is able to feel safe, see the hunger and wanting in everyone’s eyes , it may be more comfortable. I know it sounds simple but, being shy isn’t easy especially when you’ve got all these fantasies... dreams and thoughts you want to fulfil. I’m shy and I see that it’s easy for others more comfortable with the space to judge. I’ll take your comments and questions at face value because none of us really know what’s going on. There are stacks of thoughtful considerate lovers on this platform. Good luck hunting x
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RHP User
7 years ago
Sharing the love? 👀 👃 👅
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madotara69
7 years ago
Quoting 'BlueDMB' All but one of the replies so far have assumed or implied that the OP is disingenuous and that he is trying to inappropriately coerce his wife into doing something that she doesn’t want to do. Poor form people. Re-check your own biases, pre-conceptions and sarcasm and perhaps think twice before jumping down someone’s throat. The OP asked for advice, not put downs. Blue, it's only if a nerve is hit, the bloke is not fairdinkum or just another feller dragging the missus around too what suits him in particular and it happens. (sarcasm and bad form ?) Otherwise, as you can see, the OP has come back cool calm and collected, should be chuffed his wife has been supported, her best interests defended and you see it how you like. Protecting a woman who may be being deceived, not only by her partner, 'but' advice or suggestions from us... well we become part of it. It's the sandpit here and if anyone is full of shit, it'll show. anyhow...
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RHP User
7 years ago
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
Mado 👍🏻👍🏻
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RHP User
7 years ago
Well put Mado
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RHP User
7 years ago
he said she was shy don't see where he said she wasn't a willing participant maybe some of you can elaborate.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'MarkusAdam123456' Thanks all for the respond. Actually we have discussed about my fantasy and she is interested. However it is not easy to make it real. We will join a very soft swinger for starting. Let's see Unfortunately your forum question was a bit brief and came across as many other similar questions come across on here - a lot of blokes trying to force their partner into doing things they are not comfortable with. As a result, the usual suspects have pounced. They sit and wait for such things. Don't expect any apologies from any of them after adding your clarification quoted above either.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Its because we have all come across guys in "couples" whose wife is shy. Or working nightshift. On her period. Visiting a sick mum. So you cant blame people for being wary. Couples who are actually just a guy or a married guy looking for a sympathy root. Not saying that its you OP but there are those guys out there .
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BlueDMB
7 years ago
I can completely understand and respect the wariness and desire to protect others. I’m wary too. I’ll also be the first person to speak up to defend and protect anyone who is being mistreated (and have been). But, it’s a big jump from wariness to implying or outright accusing someone of trying to coerce their partner to act against their will (there was absolutely nothing in the OP words that suggested such a thing) Maybe it’s tome to change that narrative and accept people on face value until evidence to the contrary becomes apparent? As mado said, if someone is bullshitting it will reveal itself anyway. By assuming the worst intentions from every male poster, we may very well be preventing other potential posters from asking legitimate and important questions that may ultimately result in safer and more respectful experiences for their partners. Not everyone is a wordsmith and not everyone (especially people new to this environment) yet knows the vocibalulary nuances that more experienced members take for granted. Making assumptions can be very counterproductive. Just my 2c, Enjoy the rest of the weekend all. x
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madotara69
7 years ago
Your heart is in the right place, unfortunate you're taking some to heart as a bloke and that blokes do it tough in joints like this. (fair suck of the sav, tarred by the same brush) Not all though, blokes like you seem to do ok, your profile is too the point, clearly what's what and what's not, you have a few friends and a note from 'bonobo' who has vouched to you being a wonderful guy, surely something special in some kind of way, thanks bonobo for sharing your thoughts in such a positive light, perhaps a little concerned atm, although blue is doing ok, just a conversation all in the intentions for better understanding one and other, with meanings if we dare. Hey blue, take a look at the OP 'MarcusAdam' Couple profile Face value No assumption, just a question.. say by an calculated guess. You might find yourself 'The ambulance at the bottom of the cliff' ?By no means derogative, truly believe you are acting in kindness and certainly don't wish to upset bonobo. We put up a thread once, posted to the folk of the forums, here in the pie, sandpit, admittedly a lot lot more dirty fuckers then, no assumption (confetti on an elephants bum) then to now, raw emotions and all. Our topic was simple by nature, on topic 'Tara was feeling discombobulated' Confetti on an elephants bum, to the assumptions I embraced :) Damsel in distress, countless fellows assuming they needed to fuck her, She'd feel much better lol, come to think of it, most of the women probably did too Yeah I wish you were there then blue and bonobo too.
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
Ahh the good days in the Sandpit Mado...... 8 or more years ago to now..... huge difference.
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NightToRemember
7 years ago
Quoting 'leelud' Wowh! It makes sense to reach out to the community to ask such a questions and it seems like you’ve got to be prepared to be swamped with some heavy hitting critical comments. Makes you seriously cautious about posing questions right? To answer your question, I’ll draw from my experience. Respond to messages together, view photos and webcam from interesting couples before meeting, have a social drink and then organise a meet. Decrease the pressure and expectation and set the rules. First meet will only involve kissing, bra and nickers still on... If she is able to feel safe, see the hunger and wanting in everyone’s eyes , it may be more comfortable. I know it sounds simple but, being shy isn’t easy especially when you’ve got all these fantasies... dreams and thoughts you want to fulfil. I’m shy and I see that it’s easy for others more comfortable with the space to judge. I’ll take your comments and questions at face value because none of us really know what’s going on. There are stacks of thoughtful considerate lovers on this platform. Good luck hunting x Maybe also:- talk more about your fantasy together, does it excite her at all, or is she worried that you're just looking for an excuse to fuck someone else, and she doesn't like that? Do you mention it when you're fucking? How does she respond? If your fantasy in your head is about both of you and she gets that and she still doesn't like, then maybe leave talking about it again until next year, it has to work at some level for both of you.- if she does want to take it somewhere, then write your profile together. Don't post it until you're both enthusiastic about it!handing back to leelud.... (btw straight sex together in the same room as another couple is another place to start.)
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RHP User
7 years ago
It's sad how often the OP is blamed for the responses he engenders. It is totally gaslighting. Peachy
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BlueDMB
7 years ago
I couldn’t agree more Peachy. I can certainly see that newcomers would be reluctant to ask for any advice on the forums after seeing some of the responses to the OP. Very sad.
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madotara69
7 years ago
Quoting 'PeachyPearL' It's sad how often the OP is blamed for the responses he engenders. It is totally gaslighting. Peachy To gaslight, totally requires knowing in person the person involved, then alter the person's known reality by creating a perception otherwise, further to blame the person with all perceptive wrongs with intent to cause self doubt, insecure feelings engendered.Gaslighting is totally not the appropriate term to insinuate Peachy, tossed out a little loosely perhaps :)
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RHP User
7 years ago
Gaslighting does not at all rely on knowing anyone and I suggest anyone who leapt to agreeing with that have a deeper look into it and understand it is not a personal thing at all. Happy to bore you with a snatch from Google to support my point rather than just denying yours. Considering the reality that Gaslighting is denying someone's reality, in this case forcing on someone that they must be here for this reason... and then BlueDMB's reality was denied by telling him he's only looking at it in face value. I'm standing by my point. Peachy
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RHP User
7 years ago
gaslight /ˈɡaslʌɪt/Submit verb gerund or present participle: gaslighting manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity. "in the first episode, Karen Valentine is being gaslighted by her husband"
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madotara69
7 years ago
Blue made a remark about seeing things at face value, I suggested he look at the OP's profile... there is no face, no pics, nothing much at all, no friends, no validations, the profile name is a guy's name, no description other than a travel plan. We may have to agree to disagree on the gaslighting Usage: An abuser's ultimate goal is to make their victim second guess their every choice and question their sanity, making them more dependent on the abuser. A tactic which further degrades a target's self-esteem is for the abuser to ignore, then attend to, then ignore the victim again, so that the victim lowers their personal bar for what constitutes affection and perceives themselves as less worthy of affection.[14] There are two characteristics of gaslighting: The abuser wants full control of feelings, thoughts, or actions of the victim; and the abuser discreetly emotionally abuses the victim in hostile, abusive, or coercive ways.[15]
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RHP User
7 years ago
But Gaslighting is not restricted to relationships. It is something that has been in my mind for a few days having become aware of how thoroughly I have been gaslighted over time by people I don't even know. That my realities have been denied while I struggled to maintain some sense of self in a midst of confusion and turmoil. Also, we watched a movie on the weekend where the wife was made out to be a nutcase by a house guest who wanted her out of the way. It resonated with me. Rather then railroading this topic though I think the OP is done here, I'm going to start a topic on gaslighting because it is a fascinating thing to understand how people manipulate situations to deny other people's reality. Happy to agree to disagree. I don't know the genuineness of the OP but I do know he came back and agreed that his approach was not the right one. So, I'm happy with that. He took on what was offered and moved on. I agree with Blue that we do judge people on here with very few facts, an empty profile means nothing on the site these days. So many don't have any writing at all but they are fully accepted into the forum with no qualms. The problem here is the topic and the typical leaping to assumptions that someone is forcing their significant other into something they don't want to do based on a few simple words and a blankish profile. Cheers, Peachy
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RHP User
7 years ago
Apparently I did not offer the apology I meant to, so I hope you will accept that I did mean to apologise considering my incomplete understanding of the topic but my empathy lay with the OP who never stood a chance. My sincere apologies to you and any likers of your post that feel I was incorrect in my statement of a case of gaslighting when I don't know enough to be completely competent in my argument in reply which was why I changed tack to an area that makes sense ot me. Cheers, Peachy
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'PeachyPearL' Apparently I did not offer the apology I meant to, so I hope you will accept that I did mean to apologise considering my incomplete understanding of the topic but my empathy lay with the OP who never stood a chance. My sincere apologies to you and any likers of your post that feel I was incorrect in my statement of a case of gaslighting when I don't know enough to be completely competent in my argument in reply which was why I changed tack to an area that makes sense ot me. Cheers, Peachy We did agree to disagree and I have apologised to the best of my ability on this thread. My thread on Gaslighting is not the place to argue my behaviour that you disagree with unless it specifically has to do with gaslighting. Thank you in advance for your respect and understanding. Peachy
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RHP User
7 years ago
My wife was shy until we had our first MFM, After that she wanted to do it every weekend lol
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RHP User
7 years ago
We reached out to a couple profile only to be messaged by the guy asking for tit pic and to arrange a date and make it look like a random meeting.. “she will be into it when you get there but pretend it’s a chance meeting” So his partner has no clue he’s arranging these meetings.... I of course said no as We want both parties to be fully on board... if you’re both not into it, then don’t do it!
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