F57
Sex addiction
March 28 2017
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
Interesting viewing but disappointed it only went for such a short time. So much more could have been explored. Any addiction which interferes in your day to day life and is hurting you and others, destroying lives is not a "good" thing irrespective of what your addiction is. Only the person who is addicted can really decide if it is a problem or not. Self examination, acknowledgement, acceptance and a willingness to do something about is the first step for anyone dealing with a addiction but that usually does not come for quite a long time and much hurt as already been caused. I prefer to not be in a relationship with anyone who has any addiction, because in the end, their addiction is much more important to them and their motivation in life is their next hit of whatever the addiction is, than you. You run a very poor second, if that, but you get what you settle for Moderation in all things *Disclaimer. Addiction to sex, gambling, drugs, alcohol, food are what I consider to be potential addictions but that is my list. I am sure others would find others things as equally destructive if they were they involved with someone who was neglecting them and their responsibilities for what ever their kick is. And everyone has a different opinion on what addiction is. I also believe that we all have something which is somewhat addictive , that we may not even share with others.
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RHP User
9 years ago
isn't the urge sometimes uncontrolable? So being with someone like that, you'd have to be ok knowing they were having sex regularly with other people (I'd think moreso than in an open relationship situation)I don't think I could be in that kind of relationship...addictions can take over your life and become unhealthy.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sex is natural but I liken sex addiction to any other type of addiction. How is a person getting 'the needs of the addiction met'? At what cost? Are they taking unnecessary risks to get their fill? Even if they're open about 'loving sex' or 'needing sex' so often .... what impact is it having on their life and their relationships? I wouldn't pick one addiction over another, I'd try to be incredibly supportive and give the person the chance to learn how to deal with the addiction. However, even as patient as I am ... I have a 'walking away point' ... call it selfish, I call it self preservation. I've lived with an addict, it can be soul destroying .... Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm wondering if sex addiction is just about having sex or whether it can be about thinking about it and/or looking for it. Or else it doesn't seem relevant unless such person actually has someone to have sex with. And for one person the level of time and thought spent on it is a major problem yet between two people in the same frame of mind there is no problem. The same goes for love addiction, spending too much of your time looking for love, relationships or general dates, presumedly without success but which means you spend much less time actually living life on your own, presumedly less if a problem if you are naturally introverted. On the OP topic, can you be considered addicted to sex if you only masturbate? - Posted from rhpmobile
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teejaylongsword
9 years ago
Nice points Country Touch. I think even masturbation could be part of the spectrum of Sex addiction. Yes it is natural and good for the nervous system, good for depression, good for anxiety etc. Hell, I even use it to motivate myself if working from home. If I am stuck on something or just can't be bothered, I will have a lovely wank. After experiencing my relief, my mind seems reset and I am motivated again. But if I masturbated so until my skin is damaged, and I damage myself often, then I may have a problem. If I can't work effectively because I can't have a wank (because I am in the office), then there is a problem. If I forget to pick up the kids from school because I am having sex or thinking about sex or trying to organise sex, then there is a problem. Sex is great fun. But it should not be allowed to take over a persons life
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sex isn't the addiction. But the pursuit of it is ? And Ask yourself this, would the world be a better place with more sex or less sex ?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Judge me if you will, it has affected my life, but ultimately in a positive way. I always want to place sex above everything, and would need to be with someone the same, so I disagree with the most of what's been said here. My children know but they have embraced the positive changes in me, physically and mentally, I'm an entirely different person to the person I once was. I'm now positive and happy, glass half full, things that used to scare me, no longer do like a brain shift, like something altered there, like flipping a light switch. And the same with my sexuality, my body changed, woke up raging horny one morning and have been ever since lol Sex is healthy, but not just sex, general fitness is healthy, all associated in my world. Fail to see how it could be negative unless the whole cheating thing is an issue, which it wouldn't be for me 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
Apparently I'm a sex addict. 😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yes it is an important part of my life... but I can abstain and often do... either by choice or by circumstance... sadly.
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RHP User
9 years ago
...sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results. For some sex addicts, behavior does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, child molestation or rape. The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (USA) has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” In other words, a sex addict will continue to engage in certain sexual behaviors despite facing potential health risks, financial problems, shattered relationships or even arrest. Fortunately I doubt there are too many true ''addicts'' on this site! Best....... CM
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RHP User
9 years ago
Plain and simple. A sex addiction is no different. I would have thought anyone could see that. When your world revolves around your addiction, everything suffers. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
After being in a relationship with an alcoholic, I will NEVER again be in a relationship wth an addict. Addicts take risks and lie to get what they "need". Anyone who thinks their addiction is positive, or under control, yet they are still giving in to that addiction, is in denial. An addiction will always be part of you. It's up to you to decide how you will allow it to affect your life. Having a sex addiction, or any addiction isn't something to be proud of, but it's also nothing to be ashamed of. Your actions in response to that addiction are what's shameful etc. "I_touch_myself", can I ask why your children know? Just curious, because I know that's not something I'd want to share with my son (even if he was an adult). "ChasinMidnight", exhibitionism and voyeurism isn't illegal, I assume you're referring to them being done without the other parties permission? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Part of the issue here is that most people seem to view a sex addict as just being someone who loves sex and has a lot of sex. That's not an addict. Even thinking about sex a lot doesn't make an addict IMO, not on its own anyway. The term 'addict' when used in relation to sex is just not given the same weight as it is when used in relation to someone who is addicted to alcohol, gambling, illegal drugs etc. I watched that show last night and even it didn't really get across just what being an addict involves and the incredibly destructive things people will do to get their 'fix' (at least one of those guys on that panel was definitely not an addict, he was just a typical young horny guy). They will do things that will put their own physical and mental health in serious jeopardy, as well as those around them. They will put the object of their addiction above everything else in their life and eventually their life will totally revolve around feeding that addiction and dealing with the implications of it. So yes, whilst sex in normal circumstances may be a positive thing, when it comes to a true addict it becomes something destructive and dangerous. That's why I don't think you can pick one form of addiction over another...they all have the potential to cause incredible harm to both the person themselves and to the people close to them.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I never considered being a sex addict until I split with my ex and that was the main thing I missed out the relationship. I never thought prior to the marriage of going into a kinky sex site to meet people. Some of my friends would be shocked and horriefied! Some people may think people on this site that actually chase sex are addicts and some people would say we are addicts because we like different styles of sex not just straight vanilla. Just to play devils avacado ,what does everyone think about this and would they be willing to share with their friends and work associates that they are on this site and chasing sex at times? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Atalanta69' Would Vanilla's consider people on this site sex addicts? ...within the medical definition of addictive and in addiction medicine, there needs to be clear scientific evidence that there is a physiological basis for the addiction to occur and the outcome is relatively predictable over time and in a large cross-section of similar cases. This will also include the psychologically disabling complications of the addiction as well. By example...alcoholism and heroin abuse will over time produce an irreversible residual in the brain referred to as THIQ. Treatment for these two in particular may involve lengthy hospital stays and very extensive long-term medication following a medically supervised detox along with psychological therapy. Other so-called addictions are more a form of an OCD which can range from mild to obsessive...albeit may appear to be as dangerous as the true addictions noted above however will generally not produce physiological withdrawal complications however again as a condition of the mind can produce some amazing psychological trauma. Vanillas would most likely consider really liking sex as an ''addiction'' however not be bothered that they may wash their hands 50 times a day or put their shoes and socks on in the exact same way as anything other than a silly little habit. Several of these have been mentioned above however I will avoid the arena of any discussion of these as there are many opinions and variables that could also be considered. I don't suffer from any of my OCDs.... I enjoy the hell out of every one of them! Best...... CM
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RHP User
9 years ago
Well said CM ! - Posted from rhpmobile
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EarthQueen
9 years ago
Just to play devils avacado ,what does everyone think about this and would they be willing to share with their friends and work associates that they are on this site and chasing sex at times? Know I'm on a site, but they think its RSVP or something like that LOL. They know I talk to people but only 1 or 2 know I hook up. I tell them when I do, they are my wing girls to keep safe if I meet someone I don't know that well. I wouldn't tell them about this site though . I don't want them to look up my profile. They don't need to know everything about me. Would never tell my work.
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RHP User
9 years ago
rhp
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RHP User
9 years ago
Firstly, comparing sex and alcohol addiction, that's just plain ridiculous, whatever your situation was, bringing that baggage in when on the subject of sex? Let's see, how about we throw in drug addiction, and compare that to sex, why not while we're here 😏 sex IS healthy and makes people happy, the only people it doesn't make happy are those that don't want them to be having sex, so let's analyse that part right there. To quote one part of your comment "lie to get what they need" ?? Isn't that precisely the point I made. Cheating is the issue here, most have to sneak around to get their 'fix' lol and directly feeding off that is financial strain because they end up paying for hotels or maybe sneaking out from work, to avoid the partner finding etc. Remove the cheating and resulting financial strain/drain, add in a person equally interested in sex lol giving them the freedom they need, and I mean complete freedom, and then rethink how it would be 'negative'. Some of the other posters above, I would ask you to 'analyse the experts'. I'm not going to analyse them fully, that/they would bore me 😎 I'll also say the definition of sex addition by the so called experts, even sex experts know fuckin nothing about sex and our bodies, paints a dark picture that is in fact everyday activity for many of us here. They probably do find lots of sex negative, poor things 😉 those experts are muggles remember?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sorry I missed your other question. I can't discuss my children on here, but telling them was incredibly positive, more so over time, they needed to know to understand 'all' of me, to complete me, as a person, not just their mother. I also didn't want them thinking there was only one way, and wanted to share my happiness, or explain it lol anyway slipped that comment in simply to highlight how this can all be positive/negative depending on who is judging it, and what their own issues are, with sex, that's usually the real problem. In my case, hugely positive. Have a look at me for Christ's sake, the physical is an example of how women my age can look, they should put a poster of me on every doctor's surgery wall 😂😂😂 seriously, do I look unhealthy? And happy/positive, looking at life like I'm looking at it the first time. So my question to you is, why do your family members have to sneak around lying to each other and how's that working for you? I'd say my open stance makes you uncomfortable, the way it does many women, because it makes you look bad. If you have your issues, don't take them out on me 😉
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RHP User
9 years ago
lol 'devils avacado' 😂😂😂 Well from one avocado to another, just quietly, don't tell the other avocados 😉 I do tell people, try not to declare to the world at every opportunity, that's just tacky, but I have, and will continue to be open and proud. I was chatting to an older lady the other day, told her lol she did go quiet for a few seconds but recovered fairly quickly 😊 but yes, people I trust and/or like, with others I clam up until I know if they're going to nail me to a cross, chant around me and throw used condoms at me 😇
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RHP User
9 years ago
I might, and I stress might, put my pussy and face in different albums if it were required to stop work colleagues laughing behind their desks, or alert them to my scarlet woman ways and possible interest in their bf's 😇 slip under the radar when it suits me 😉
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RHP User
9 years ago
If your sex-having isn't impacting on your life in a negative way, then you're really not an addict. You're a woman who likes to have sex a lot. You can lump alcohol, drug, or any other addiction in with sex addiction because they can all have very negative emotional and physical consequences for people...both for themselves and the people close to them. An addict's life can be in ruins but they will still do just about anything to get their fix, and they will often compromise their own safety and well-being to do it...whether they're using alcohol, drugs, gambling, or sex to fill that void. I already know from other comments you've made in the forum that you take certain precautions around your sexual activities and who you have sex with...if someone meets the definition of addicted then there are often no precautions taken in what they will do to find the sexual activity they need. The terminology really is the issue here, and clarifying what we're actually talking about in this topic. There is a huge difference between someone who really loves sex and has a lot of it, and someone who is truly an addict. And yes, 'vanilla' people might think that those of us on RHP and who go to swinger's clubs are sex addicts, but they would be wrong. Again, just liking sex and liking different types of sex doesn't make an addict.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Glad to say I scored low and am unlikely a sex addict, although my man will tell you otherwise 😝 On a serious note, an addiction is an addiction if you have no control over it - be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or sex - if not treated, can and will ruin your life. So my answer to the OP is no, I would not want to be in a relationship with a sex addict. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Definition of rejection: When a sex addict tells you they just want to be friends...
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RHP User
9 years ago
Earth woman- lol RSVP haha . Thanks Dragon for keeping the definition clear ..., I touch I thought it is great that you have the confidence to be open about it!!!! What about the guys reading this forum do they feel comfortable being open with people about being part of the circle of RHP? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Another important point in relation to a true addiction - whatever type of addiction we're talking about including sex addiction - is that the person is almost always using the addiction to try and fill an emotional and / or psychological void in their life. That program the other night touched on that with the one guy who went and saw the counsellor with his partner - he said he'd experienced trauma in his childhood and growing up, and he had realised that's most likely where his addiction came from. He was using the sexual activity and the associated dopamine release and temporary escape from reality to try and mask the emotional issues and pain he was experiencing. This is a common thing for people with addictions - they've often experienced significant trauma, mental illness, or other emotionally / psychologically damaging events. This is also why successful treatment of addiction really has to try and address the underlying, root cause of the problem otherwise people will be very likely to keep relapsing. This further reinforces the difference between an addict, and someone who has an active, healthy sex life based on the fact that they enjoy sex and it actually benefits them. They're different beasts entirely.
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RHP User
9 years ago
To your last question: family, no (although a couple of them I really trust with confidentiality). Work & very good friends, yes. If word got out about rhp and such interest in sex to everyone, I'd deal with it, in any case life wouldn't change much at all, my most common social circle is only a dog after all! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
define exactly what would classify someone as a sex addict, are you talking unprotected sex and stuff like that? That happens all the time, it doesn't make someone an addict, and I'd really love the references to drug addictions etc to be left out of this, what on earth do they have to do with this topic? Those addictions are using chemical substances and/or draining the finances through gambling etc. Exactly as I said in my post, the only reason that would happen with someone classified as having a sex addiction, would be if that person was having to sneak around, so you haven't told me anything new to back up your argument. I'm all ears
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RHP User
9 years ago
who are you to say a person is or isn't an according to your hypothesis, would just love alcohol, but in fact isn't an addict, right? I place sex over everything else in my life, with the exception of my children who get priority, but there isn't anything else I wouldn't risk for sex, I do believe I would be categorised as an addict by the vanilla so called experts I think it's all a load of hogwash to be honest, I believe they are ignorant and that we are the true experts in our field lol
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RHP User
9 years ago
There is no need to attack me. It is not ridiculous to compare sex addiction to alcohol or drug addiction. They are all addictions. Simple. Why do you think cheating is the main issue for sex addicts? Who says they are all in a relationship and are meant to be monogamous? I fail to see how an addiction, a TRUE addiction, can bring happiness. The very definition of addiction rules that out. Your open stance doesn't make me uncomfortable in the slightest, and you couldn't make me look bad if you tried. 😂😜 I have absolutely no desire to have a sex addiction thanks. What's your looks got to do with anything? My family don't lie to each other, my ex husband lied to me. And as for your question "how's that working for you?", my answer is this: I kicked the asshole out because addicts who are giving in to their addiction, are liars. Selfish liars. It sounds like you don't really know the definition of addiction? Or are in denial that it's so damaging? I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't care. I wasn't taking my issues out on you, I was telling you my experience of living with an addict. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
A friend of mine uses sex as stress relief. So whenever he is anxious or stressed he is compelled to go and have sex. And this happens quite often, he almost can't help himself. I have known him to go to gay clubs over a weekend and he would be with over 30 men... that's when he stopped counting he said. Perhaps this is more like OCD behaviour? Lately he seems to have taken up other (more innocent vices) to deal with stress so probably not a sex addiction as such?? Not sure, but although it may be fun the fact he can't control this compulsion doesn't sit well with him.
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RHP User
9 years ago
There's really no point in getting into an argument about it. You're obviously not understanding the point myself and others are trying to make about addictions. No, having unprotected sex on its own doesn't make an addict - no behaviour does - it's the reason why someone is having unprotected sex and the impact it has on their life that is relevant here. That's whether you're talking about sex, drugs,alcohol, gambling, or any other form of addiction, and whether you accept it or not there are definite similarities between them. I suspect you don't want them to be associated together with sex because of the very negative stigma that exists around alcoholism and addictions to illegal drugs, but it's not the focus of the addiction that I'm linking together, it's the underlying motivations and resulting consequences for the addicted person and those close to them. If you want to call yourself a sex addict then go for it, I'm not going to stop you and considering I don't know you at all other than from your forum posts, you may well be one. Apologies OP, I think I've done that particular discussion to death now.
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RHP User
9 years ago
How do you get that unprotected sex equals sex addiction. One has nothing to do with the other. I agree that some people clearly don't understand what an addiction is or they are in denial as suggested above. Although I don't believe that to be the case btw, if you can put your sex life on hold for a bit because your work is too busy then you are not addicted. My 2 cents.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Haha Country in regards to the rejection comment!! I agree with you, I think if people were to find out we just have to deal with it! It's great you have supportive friends and family. Thanks Dragon (and Meander for further simplified definition)for trying to maintain a clear definitition, it appeared to have met the murky waters in the cheating and the unprotected sexual areas as Kiss Kiss , I Touch and Candy have mentioned. Kiss kiss thanks for sharing about your ex and your view. Candy your friend does sound like an addict although I also see where you are coming from with the OCD. With unprotected sex ( with strangers) I am not an expert and I wonder if it could be considered a part of an addiction from the risk to life quality with disease? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm not addicted, but geez I'm close.I love to please my play mates. It just gets me more excited
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Atalanta69' Haha Country in regards to the rejection comment!! I agree with you, I think if people were to find out we just have to deal with it! It's great you have supportive friends and family. - Posted from rhpmobile I can't say how supportive family is, and I don't want to find out. But they have been generally supportive (careful choice of words) of other controversial (to some) lifestyle choices, such as typically not drinking, not having kids etc. As far as family is aware I have only had the one brief girlfriend not long ago (obviously they met her etc), but they have no idea what has happened since :) Lucky they are not the type to play truth or dare with!
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RHP User
9 years ago
To measure your families support introduce them to a couple you like!!! 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I am sure your playmates love it - Posted from rhpmobile
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Starlet1
9 years ago
A good definition for us if sex addiction is when it negatively impacts our lives - so our own relationship, those with our friends and family, or taking too much time. Hasn't happened, but good to know what the warning signs might look like. The swingers section was fun but too short. It needed to be framed as a 'here's what healthy sexual expression looks like between consenting sex positive adults' and had a before/during/after bit to show how a couple experience a night at a club. We'll put our hands up 😉😋 Still, there would have been plenty of vanillas who were impressed by the incredible lingerie at Our Secret Spot 😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Starlet1
9 years ago
Embarrassing for self-confessed grammar nazis ☺️ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thank God only wish there was more than one woman in the world like youKeep up the good work
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RHP User
9 years ago
That was a great film clip of Our Secret Spot. I kind of thought it didn't really belong in that show as I don't believe swingers are sex addicts, and I agree the clip should have been framed . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
hard sometimes to say what is behavioural problem and what is an addiction. We have the whole spectrum of human interaction.(Ms)
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Starlet1
9 years ago
It was good wasn't it! And the owners came across really well - like a classy committed couple who love sex, I think anyone swinger or not would love to play with them (we've never met them btw) We haven't been to OSS but we'll be heading there next Sydney visit for sure - it's our kind of place :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
The owners are great. I have been there once with a fwb and I was sitting quietly just having a breather, that place takes over all your senses , Lawrence came over and checked on me, kept me company, he and his partner are gorgeous inside and out! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
As others here have commented ad-infinitum, I think you're missing the point and it's really interesting, by the way, to watch you get close to offended by people insisting that you are indeed not a true sex addict (and trust me, you're not). I have had periods in my past of pursuing quick, fleeting, tawdry sex for a quick sexual ''high''. Such periods almost always corresponded with feelings of loneliness, and the feelings of mental gratification faded just as quickly as the physical. It becomes a loop - you look, you seek, you find, you get off, you feel lonely again almost immediately afterward and away you go again. You find yourself losing valuable time and not honoring commitments because you're too busy out trawling. You find yourself taking anything you can get, anywhere you can get it. I was never the ''watching porn at work'', nor did I ever sneak off for a wank in the toilets, but sex would pre-occupy my thoughts at all hours of the day. When I wasn't at work everything else went by the wayside. I would reach a ''critical mass'' where I was like a man possessed, just wanted more and more, more and more often. Thankfully, I would recognize that I was getting out of control and essentially go on ''rehab'', deregister from all sites and just take a breather for a good few months, get everything back together again. Just giving you an alternative viewpoint, I_Touch. I think you need to accept the difference between your healthy pursuit of sex, at no detriment or cost to your life, and others whose rapacious desire for the nastiest sex they can get their hands on which is most assuredly detrimental to their life, and produces feelings of shame.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Great topic Atlanta69 and extremely Intresting views from all. Addiction regardless of what type it is detrimental to the individual and also to any relationship as Meander outlined. Ms Dragon nailed as to why someone may spiral down the road of addiction. Addiction is an illness that usually needs therapy that's hand in hand with cold turkey if your strong enough. Regardless if it's a AA meeting, Drug counseling or a physiologist. It's up to the individual if they want to change or seek help. It can be treated if they want to change. Good Q.Op regarding Vanilla people thinking where sex addicts here ? I'd say there are alot of people chasing and failing miserably yet addicted to the chase. 😉 Then as loveman8 mentioned they're a few addicted to rhp or just being able to express there views on here. 😎 lol 😉 But also some great advice and entertainment value. I believe it's important as ITM2 said to have a healthy balanced lifestyle. As long as you control yourself and nothing or no one controls you. I say live and let live Your body is your temple, Look after it as you only get one chance. ✌✌✌ Sex should be healthy,fun and enjoyable not consuming, jealous or sneaky. Just my 2 cents worth. - Posted from rhpmobile
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