F56
Over thinker?
May 23 2017
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
So when I met my man I tried to finish with him when it started to get serious. My exes were narcissitic and cheated. A wise young friend said to me " How will you ever have any kind of relationship if you keep looking down the line?" There are a lot of good guys out there, its a case of shutting down the fear and allowing yourself some happiness. It wasnt easy, but Im glad I took that advice.
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RHP User
9 years ago
If you want to avoid overthinking a hookup just do what (some/most) guys do and follow your groin ! If we're talking any sort of relationship then thinking is required, to avoid overthinking just try and stick with the facts not the assumptions, sheet of paper, positive column negative column, then flip a coin. Seriously, just go with the flow and take each moment as it comes. Assumption is the mother, oops parent, of all fuckups.
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EarthQueen
9 years ago
Quoting 'Sailbadthesinner' Seriously, just go with the flow and take each moment as it comes. Assumption is the mother, oops parent, of all fuckups. Have been working on this hard and trying to channel the 'feel the fear and do it anyway' kind of vibe. Mostly with success but maybe this part is just going to take a bit more time and practise. Sticking with the facts and not assumptions is often where I come unstuck. Good to remind myself of this
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RHP User
9 years ago
yes i am and I dont know how to stop.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Think Too Much - a and b tracks /thread
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RHP User
9 years ago
Terrible over thinker when it comes to "relationships". It's just best I stay single and not do my head in or theirs. :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange73
9 years ago
When I wasn't sure what I wanted in this site when I first joined. The uncertainty definitely gave me insecurities in any meets, initially, from the perspective that I mistrust the men I met. Now, I still have reservations but more open to the possibilities. In time, as my needs and wants got clarified and have consolidated my thoughts and needs with my experience on site, I.have come to the conclusion that I should enjoy the ride for what it is, live for the moment and be open to the possibilities and potentials. Not to plan too far in advanced. Que sera sera. As long as it sits well with my conscience and moral compass, my gut instinct will kick in and I will stay or walk away from a man that I feel does not fit into my life and needs. Empowering myself with choices of whom to meet at this site, friends or lovers.
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Seachange73
9 years ago
When I wasn't sure what I wanted in this site when I first joined. The uncertainty definitely gave me insecurities in any meets, initially, from the perspective that I mistrust the men I met. Now, I still have reservations but more open to the possibilities. In time, as my needs and wants got clarified and have consolidated my thoughts and needs with my experience on site, I.have come to the conclusion that I should enjoy the ride for what it is, live for the moment and be open to the possibilities and potentials. Not to plan too far in advanced. Que sera sera. As long as it sits well with my conscience and moral compass, my gut instinct will kick in and I will stay or walk away from a man that I feel does not fit into my life and needs. Empowering myself with choices of whom to meet at this site, friends or lovers.
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RHP User
9 years ago
everything Now life is too short, just ask anyone alive and living in Manchester today Now, just do it, risk it all and if you get hurt along the way, well that was part of your journey Let the good, the love, the adventure outweigh the sad and hurt It is worth it, it is
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RHP User
9 years ago
This includes all relationships, be they platonic, romantic, business, or sexual. I agree with Sailbad on the subject of bringing yourself back to what you do know, rather than what might be. And, for what it's worth, what you *don't* know can also be a part of what you do know. That probably sounds all sorts of confusing, so let me explain... Back when I was still doing 9 to 5 IT work, I recall my manager coming into the office in an obviously bad mood, and he made eye contact with me on his way past my desk. Naturally, the over-thinker in me put two and two together and came up with a very big five, and I started checking over all my open tickets, trying to work out where I'd screwed up. Halfway through the list, I caught myself. What did i know? I knew he was in a bad mood. I knew he tended to make eye contact with people he walked past as a matter of course, I knew that when someone looks at me while in a bad mood, it looks like they're all kinds of pissed off at me. What didn't I know? I didn't know that he was angry at me. I didn't know of any screw ups that I might have made that day or in the days prior. And I knew for a fact that, apart from him being angry and briefly making eye contact, I had no reason to think that these were possibilities. I took a few deep slow breaths, and the anxiety mostly passed away. A few minutes later, he gave one of his classic "Reasons why IT support clients suck" rants, everybody laughed along (his rants were famous in our office), and then life returned to normal. What stopped me from having a minor nervous breakdown? Stepping away from what I was *feeling* in the moment, and *thinking* about what information I knew, and by acknowledging that all the bad things that *could* have happened, I didn't know for sure that they were coming my way, and I *knew* that I had few reasons to think that way. Also, a meditation habit can help you step away from the emotions in the moment.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I once overthunkit 😉 actually I screwed up royally, or I thought I did, until I eventually realized my 'overthinking' was bang on the money. The player does that, that divert to you, make you doubt your actions/words/thoughts. He got shitty with me and told me I was overthinking, and no it wasn't cheating, I couldn't give a crap about that, monogamy is not my thing, but lies and sensing I was being played. Later admitted it, but at the time, diverted to me, I came down on myself really hard. I was devastated and felt like my right arm had been cut off, all because of my over thinking, my belief at the time. Turns out I wasn't over thinking, it was instinct. I believe that over thinking is thrown out as a diversion and if they throw that at you, odds are they just weren't into you, the way you were them. So no, definitely go into each new relationship fresh, leave anything negative behind you 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' When I wasn't sure what I wanted in this site when I first joined. The uncertainty definitely gave me insecurities in any meets, initially, from the perspective that I mistrust the men I met. Now, I still have reservations but more open to the possibilities. I stayed fairly silent my first 1-2yrs on RHP, and other sites. Just looking, reading and "learning". My only previous experience was in a bad marriage, so when anyone contacted me I tended to overthink it down to the smallest detail, wondering what every little comment, 'lol' or emoji face meant! I still think things through, to a degree...but now I'm more of a "meh, can't control any man's actions or reactions in our interactions ( ) so whatever happens".
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EarthQueen
9 years ago
Thanks for your replies all. I haven't had a good chance to read them properly yet but will later when I get the time 👍 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
If I knew how to shut my brain off and then my emotions, I'd be able to deal with things differently. I don't know how to stop but I think, respond, think, communicate, think again ... it's the vicious circle for me sadly! I have taken to writing things down and then writing down if whatever I'm thinking needs to 'be actioned ' -say or do something. If it doesn't need anything and isn't really affecting me, why am I thinking about it? So the self talk does help me move on. Though I haven't 'destroyed' any relationship because of it, I definitely put a lot of strain on myself and those around me, especially my gorgeous men :( They're both great at responding to me appropriately, and they can often tell whether I'm just becoming manic or legitimately I'm impacted by something. Sometimes seeing the situation through others eyes helps too. Mary xx
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jerryc
9 years ago
I trust way too much. But have had some good travels along the journey too. Call it under thinking
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RHP User
9 years ago
Nothing wrong with being cautious. Our past experiences will usually inform our present. If something doesn't "feel right " it probably isn't . Take the emotion out and look at the logic. Hugs.Q
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RHP User
9 years ago
...over-thinkers, toss in over-assumptions of outcomes and the very natural rejection complex and damn if I don't need to call a PhD in in some sort of discipline that might help. Do you know how fucking boring it gets when you talk to yourself? I've decided to go with the the well thought out plan of being incredible nice, sarcastic and creative then hitting up every woman that I think I might connect with on a physical, mental or emotion level. I take all of this as serious as a heart attack however survived everything from that to crashing my Porsche doing about 200kph around a corner marked at ''Slippery when wet'' and only 40kph on dry days. Shit happens... I'll live with it and try remedial RHP communication! Best....... CM
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RHP User
9 years ago
Loved the way you dropped the Porsche in there. Smooooth ! 😉😇
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'd love to think that I am just over thinking things all the time, which I normally am. Except... experience has shown me that at times that my intuition has been correct, and there was a problem, when I feel someone withdrawing to some degree (or some other manifestation of actions or words), and in past cases I have chosen to overlook my feelings, hoping it was just overthinking and it was nothing, but it turned out it was true, and my apparent neglect in tackling the issue when it first showed clues meant that by the time it was well and truly obvious, it was too late to rectify. But the opposite has also happened, I have actually been overthinking and made a mountain (and problem) out of a molehill, or even when there was no molehill. So now it pains me to say sometimes I can be quite insecure, if I sense a problem I can feel indecisive and stressed at what course to take if any. Whie people will say I'm a nice guy, respectful yadda yadda, in a relationship you have to deal with problems, big and small, and if you cannot overcome problems, there's a problem (so to speak). Of course I try hard t not cause any in the first place, but then again there is a place to be challenged as that is how we grow. As for misreading a situation, unlike the city, where you can probably find someone new to date/meet/see every other weekend, making the wrong decision between what could be doing the right thing and making a royal f*** up, means it is a long time between drink for the next chance (with someone new) In this day and age, with time and convenience being a priority for most, second chances after a mistake are rarely provided especially if only in the beginning of a dating encounter. Thus most people that know me well will also describe as extremely cautious. But at least once and if you get to know someone better, you can have a better idea of their naturaly character, and form a more reliable intuition on whether or not you are overreading into a situation/words/text/actions etc. OP I strongly relate to your words and predicament, but unfortunately, I have not found the answer either.
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RHP User
9 years ago
money can't buy looks/body/personality/hotness/desirability to the opposite sex/sex Hope I can still get a root as I get older, otherwise it'll just be me and my Lamborghini, hangin out together 😯 Major eye roll
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EarthQueen
9 years ago
In the overthinking department. I won't reply to each person but just want to say thanks to you for your input it definatley gives me greater clarity. To be honest I put myself in a situation I knew was probably not the smartest move but you live and you learn. Country Touch you actually described my thought process in your post and I can empathise with you. It is way easier living near a bigger city. Can dust yourself off and move along. Mary wow girl. Two men and an otherthinker and you make it work. Hat is off to you 😄 Thanks guys x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Not really my intention at all to be self-promoting although typing in ''Porsche'' was much easier than typing ''Turbo Carrera''. That was a walk down memory lane...2 ex-wives and 3 kids ago in fact! Ahhh how I remember my early single years when I still had that ever-elusive thing called disposable income! ...man, just don't overthink it!
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'd posted another comment 🐒 oh well, still rolling eyes, turn 'off', not 'on', appears to be a bit of confusion with that?? The forum is used by many men to try to slip through, get a foot in the door, some would never get a foot in my door, or any other chick's door. We're not stupid. Seriously with some, I wonder about the grey matter in between the ears or lack thereof. I suppose you'll carry on creeping everyone out. 'Best' I don't read your comments anymore, just revolting
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RHP User
9 years ago
I used to over think everything. Then one day I just realized, it's not worth it. What will happen will happen, whether you worry about it or not. Now, I just don't really care, whatever happens happens. Helps me lead a healthier happier life.
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Dryphuz
9 years ago
I over think everything. My last girlfriend called me 'cold and calculating' and i'm still not recovered from that body blow. I definitely spend more time thinking than feeling, which doesn't mean i'm not feeling anything, i'm just so busy thinking about it it doesn't come through in body language. Don't know what i'm supposed to do about that one. Over thinking it is also why I've struggled with employment all my life. I keep building things up in my head until the stress and anxiety becomes so great i feel my only option is to quit. I've left a wake of bewildered employers who thought things were going great only for me to scatter like a startled rabbit. And of course i so anxiously over think my leaving i'm too embarrassed to get my job back or ask for a reference. From what i've read in the scientific fields it mostly stems from your early formalised education and getting the wrong answer. This is the first time you get negative reinforcement so frequently that it begins to curtail your natural curiosity and imagination. You don't have to stay that way though. Science (again) indicates that its possible to curtail your over thinking behaviour and learn to just go with it. Its mostly exposure therapy from what i've seen (actively behaving in a way other than you would normally until this other way becomes almost normal too, thus giving you another option in almost any situation). CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) comes up too, but that seems counter intuitive because that's just over thinking about how you're over thinking everything...
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