F62
Judgement
March 03 2015
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
First of all the attitude that he has the ability to leave his wife and kids "destitute"....ummmm, pretty sure whether you leave or stay he has to pay for his kids school and housing costs. The guys sounds like a total douche !!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
What a completely inappropriate and unnecessary message to receive out of the blue!!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Anyone on this site will be judged by others, like it or not. The key (IMHO) is to not allow yourself to be judged. That's what I've found, anyway. Go rangas! - Posted from rhpmobile
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LifeUnscripted
11 years ago
Just like everyone else you have the right to set your preferences here. It might be frustrating to others but that is their problem not yours. A married man cheating on his wife adds all sorts of additional potential complications that a single man (or married man in a true open marriage) doesn't bring. So try not to let it get to you. You are completely fine and within your rights to exclude him. It is his problem he can't pass you by and find someone who matches better. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
You have your preferences and they're perfectly fine because they're yours :) sounds like he just has the shits on because was outside of it. Don't think on it too much xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Arrogance and entitlement xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sounds like a template message me and you just got in the way of his rapid fire mass marketing campaign. Shame I am not a woman as ever since I made my deal with the devil I get quite kick out of responding in kind to such messages. Oh well I live i hope that some dick will cross my sensibilities some day as I have a million thing I would love to say. It really is not fair that us guys just don't get messages from wankers...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Of course, you're enitiled to feel the way you do, no questions asked. And he should not have sent that message. :-( . You have been clear about where you were coming from in your profile, and that's what I think he has reacted to. . It is my preference that you are unattached ie: NOT MARRIED or in a relationship, having been in a long term relationship where my partner constantly cheated, without my knowledge or consent, I do not wish to be the cause of another unsuspecting woman's pain. . I believe it's his reality, as he sees it, that he's thinking about in his message. That he has few choices and he doesn't want to leave "everyone" destitute by leaving is the heart of his message. . "Honey how come married men cheat and why is it the crime of the century? Is it a crime to pay your mortgage and put your kids thru private school or is it better to walk out for sex and leave everyone destitute. Get a grip on reality pal."
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RHP User
11 years ago
I thought that after year or so of reading and participating in the forums I'd seen or read it all, but clearly not :/. A totally unsolicited message berating you for having a preference? WTF? I have the exact same 'preference' on my profile, and for the same reason reason as you do... my ex husband was (and still is) a serial cheater. And I agree with you, we're perfectly entitled not to want to have any part in putting another woman in that situation. And like you, I'm completely bewildered as to why this dickhead felt the need to take you to task for it?! Would love to know how you responded to him. I would have wanted to reach through the computer to slap the living daylights out of him. Or worse lol. Much love, Elle xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've been shopping in the wrong store myself. Every partner I've had cheated on me, more than once. I'd let it slide, telling myself I loved her, she needed sex and I'm rarely there due to working hard to create a better life for myself and her. -Then to realize I'd been stolen from, lied to and treated like utter shit later in the relationship. I know about trying to make it work, and how it feels to be treated like dirt. I'm not saying "I'm a nice guy, I finish last" but I have never cheated, never will, and would most certainly never go with a married or attached woman. I'm selective as a result, careful and find it hard to trust quickly or easily. For him to say what he did is merely him beating his chest, playing out some alpha male bullshit and pretending he should cheat in order to keep his flimsy relationship alive. Poor man, poor partner that puts up with him. This isn't the same as a couple that explore sex together or apart, it's lying. Lying isn't trust and without trust, you can't have a relationship. Period. But in regard to his.. hissy fit, I learned something many years ago the hard way- What you put in, you get out. Don't give him anything, don't feed it, don't give it any thought. He clearly thinks he's a player and has convinced himself that cheating is a good way to provide for his family. What a poor soul. I can respect any woman that doesn't want married men, or attached. I can't bring myself to respect any woman that will seek out married men for sex, without the wife knowing about it. It works both ways. Staying with a partner "for the kids" is merely a delusional notion perpetuated by these self-entitled mouth breathers who have their dick in their hand when conversing with any woman, thinking only of sex in any interaction and not of intimacy, companionship and most of all- trust.
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RHP User
11 years ago
A case of someone thinking "Like. Want. Shall have", only to find themselves facing a road block. This person by the sounds of it had already decided you were fair game and was not impressed by being rebuffed by you before he even tried. You took that away from him. How dare you!
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RHP User
11 years ago
He's trying to convince himself by convincing you of his "righteous" position. You have every right to your preference and as another woman who was unknowingly being cheated on for years by a now ex-husband it's a position I have the utmost respect for! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've had initial messages like that from guys not meeting my height requirement (it's only in my profile twice). They thought they'd write to me just to make sure I know how shallow I am.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Can make any person say the wrong thing to the wrong person. The key board is a weapon of mass deduction. We make the most silly judgements on each other all the time here. He was wrong no two ways about it. But he is also right in how he is functioning in his relationship at home. I have been that woman at home and got cheated on. But now I see my husband was just not getting the appreciation he needed at that point in time. He was also going about things the wrong way. I always admire a man that supports his family. Too many people bail if the sex is not good. They say fuck this and go get some new relationship. And leave a lot of hard times behind them. That being said every person here has their own individual story abd as we don't know that story. We can sometimes hit a raw nerve when we act inappropriately. On the Internet consider your self a duck on a shoot the duck game. You go around and around and sooner or later a shot is going to hit its mark. I do not like to read the absolute anger tat women write in here about all married men who cheat are arse holes. You hardly ever see men say up here all married women who cheat are total bitches. So yes he fucked up. But no he may not be a total jerk or arse hole he might just be a man in pain. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Rubenesquered' I'm genuinely bewildered. Why wouldn't you just swipe on by?? Some people just like to complain about their lot. You can do the next best thing to "swiping left".... Dodge the bullet and hit BLOCK, and delete. You don't need that kind of brittle ego negativity. DG
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6exxy
11 years ago
Are you going to punish us? Tie me up, handcuff me? Arms hung from the ceiling? 😎 I promise I won't do it again, unless you ask me? Or maybe we can just.................kiss and make up 💋 bump uglies and make up or all the above🎉
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RHP User
11 years ago
Its all hunky dory until the Mrs finds out. Ive been there....it was like being kicked constantly in the guts for a few months, trying to keep my chin up for the sake of my son who also got a huge shock, and having to change my whole life around. The thing I cant forget was the smug look on his face when he admitted to having a much younger gf. So its maybe not Crime of the Century, but its a shit thing to go through, as the other ladies who have been in the same position can attest to. And yes, we still had a sex life but he gave into his massive ego yet again. He wasnt a man in pain. I wont go with a married man, I dont want to cause those awful feelings to anyone else. I appreciate some guys have huge problems at home...Why cant they talk to their wives, tell them they are not happy and try and work something out. But no, far easier to fuck around and think they are the man, or jump on RHP expecting sex on tap. They can still support their families even though they are separated. Do I sound bitter? Yes. I now struggle every month to keep our heads above water, and have a not very healthy wariness towards other men, but hey, Im much happier without the worry of "is he doing it again?" Worst are the ones who sneak on here pretending to be single, but thats been done.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think its the tone of the message, the guy has a chip on his shoulder. I don't think the morality of cheating is really at issue, but that is up to the OP I guess. The message was rude and judgmental, what type of dick sends something like that to a total stranger? Over a year ago a thread was started about some guy wanting some on the side and the meat hooks came out from the regulars. Then a month later another thread with a similar story, this time it was on the other side of the gender divide and there was only back patting and support. Morality here is decidedly ad hock. Cheating is cruel and selfish, mitigating circumstance may change the key of the song, but its still sucks and is personally intolerable. Its not the act of cheating, it is the deception, lying, and misuse of trust that is the evil of a cheat. Truth may hurt as well, but it is far better than ongoing selfish manipulation.
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QLDtwo4fun
11 years ago
Such a charming guy, how can women resist. If that's an introduction line, to a stranger I can guess why he isn't getting anything at home.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Perhaps...I get that people sometimes have shitty lives but this particular man from his message sounds like he has a privileged life...He has made a choice to maintain the Titus quo in his life...but he is also looking for sex and because this site appears to some,to be a site for volunteer hookers,he is probably angry that he can't find one....Most of the men over 50 that contact me are married.One man clearly states on his profile that he is bored.He has been on Internet dating sites for ten years.In this time he has had a number of affairs....the quick fuck at her house before work,the working back late excuse and going to a hotel etc.He says his wife is beautiful and that they have a great sex life.He just wants the extra bit of excitement....even though he knows that if his wife finds out his life could quickly go to merde.....He has a privileged life,a professional man,he lives in an upper middle class suburb... His children go to private school....he is a pillar of the local church....but he craves his secret life...a counterpoint perhaps to all the middle class hypocrisy of his other life...So for him at least,and I suspect for many married men here,it's not pain Peaches,it's just plain boredom....looking to spice up their lives as is stated on so many profiles...which is not a bad thing,it's just how people go about finding that spice which can cause pain to so many others,that is bad xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
it when people take the time out to write to you to point out that YOUR PROFILE, doesn't suit them Like WTF ? It annoys me as well OP, as I have similar wording in my profile and I'm very strict about my selection criteria as well. Note I wrote MY CRITERIA I used to take time out to justify my profile to said people, more fool me. I'm me I like what I like, and know what I don't like. AND ??? So if someone wants to waste their valuable time messaging me to tell me what it wrong with my profile, sure I read it but I sure as hell don't message back anymore justifying nor changing my profile to suit one I now ignore, shrug shoulders and click on Next with a smile on my face
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes I have had a couple of out of the blue messages from grey ghosts that I have had not any prior communication with. One married guy cheating on his partner wrote to me to tell me that I must be a complete loser with no life because I was on RHP just for the forums. That I needed to get a grip on reality. ..... well you can imagine the new hole I ripped him. I told him about my wonderful sexual adventures and all the people I have met on RHP while he is skulking in the shadows cheating on his wife like a low life turd. And another couple wrote to say they have read my comments on the forum and they would like me to stop posting and go away and die. That I should grow up and get some commitments and family so that I could understand what life is about. Sadly, I refuse to be bitter and old and grumpy. (well only grumpy sometimes. lol)
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On_Safari
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'And another couple wrote to say they have read my comments on the forum and they would like me to stop posting and go away and die. That I should grow up and get some commitments and family so that I could understand what life is about. Sadly, I refuse to be bitter and old and grumpy. (well only grumpy sometimes. lol) Can't believe any couple would say that to you or anyone else though Meeks, that's just terrible!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
The reality is he has no right to address you that way. However, we are giving it oxygen now...... Delete, block and chalk it up to him being a wanker. From my point of view, you are right and should not take on board his judgement or twisted logic. That aside, the topic of not wanting to be a part of a cheating situation is an interesting one. I also don't want to ever knowingly be a part of that scenario either. Ultimately it only destroys trust
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RHP User
11 years ago
They sent you the message because they want to access you and they are saying:'you are being mean to me and judging me because I am married' .. This is how they feel, it is their feeling and you have no responsibility for that. You have set your boundaries and have been clear bout that - nothing wrong there - in fact that is bloody good..Ultimately you dont know what he was really thinking at the time he wrote the message, but you do know that you dont agree with what he said. Where does he get off.. ???- he is overwhelmed with guilt and feels bad that he is doing what he is but he will continue because the bad feeling is also a thrill! he does not want to know your story! which suggests a certain shallowness or a desire to escape reality for a little while he is not judging you i think - he feels judged.. why not swipe on?? he feels so bad about what he is doing and is just pissed off that he is excluded from your game.. go well
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RHP User
11 years ago
I cant really say what this guys motivation is. I can only see what I see with the married men that I do bed. Each has his own story, each to me so far has loved his wife. I can see it, and hear it in their voice when they sometimes talk about their wife. Perhaps I am the volunteer hooker, or the free whore, but I like to think of myself as a concubine. The pillow talk girl. I have a lover that has a bunch of kids, the wife is ill and has been for some time with depression. That guy works long and bloody hard, and sleeps in a spare room and has done for a long time. He says I cannot jut abandon my wife because she has a mental illness same for a physical one, hands up women that know of a woman that got cancer and the husband bolted? I have seen that a few times in my day. I do not condone his attitude but here he is in a cage, RHP is not kind to married men. He lusts after the lovely red, he wants you , there you are all luscious and tempting. And what can he do, he can snarl at you from behind the bars of his frustration. Not all guys are like the one that Freya talked about, yes they might seem like a bunch of fuck heads cheating, but I think its not that simple. we are all bound by convention, think of it this way, are we cheating the conventions of mother hood by being here, can you think what would my kids feel if they saw mum up here flashing her bits and fucking random guys. All their trust in you as the Madonna mother goddess would be crushed, your are being unfaithful to the ideal. Marriage is an ideal. It is a contrived situation that came with agriculture. Being thin is the ideal, so when you stuff your mouth when you know its wrong, does the guilt trip in? when you have that smoke and feel that guilt and people say, your wrong your killing yourself because your a parent and have a responsibility to stay healthy for your kids..that's an ideal I am flawed, I have feet of clay. I cannot for the life of me pick up a stick or stone and hurl it at any married man. I am married and even though i had the talk with my husband I know he feels i have not actually done the deed and that gives him peace of mind I think. So I appear doting wife. I keep up appearances as it were. I understand the utter betrayal that people have felt here. But do not project that anger of your particular circumstances on to this man, for he has done just that. lashed out and bought his own set of circumstance to the door step of a beautiful woman that he can never have. Lady T
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RHP User
11 years ago
We have to agree to disagree..You and I have had quite different experiences of married men xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
And yet we remain the best if friends. See you soon xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think he is just trying to justify his behaviour by projecting onto you. Maybe he read it once too often and the guilt is getting to him and he has lashed out. I too have NO MARRIED GUYS on my profile.
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sweetgem
11 years ago
Answer to your question RubenesqueRed..........I guess one would get off sending such message when they keep getting rejected by single women. Instead of accepting the reality, losers like this man in question would do their hardest to find excuses to justify their cheating behaviour and take their anger out on a random person! If I received such an email, I would reply with the details of some well known Psychiatrists in his surrounding areas, then block him after sending my reply! lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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IamMrSilly
11 years ago
Don’t argue with idiots because they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. —Greg KingAnd move on without responding.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Why are so many trying to explain away this man's message? When is sending this kind of message ever ok? Just because he is frustrated does not justify him sending a rude message to a complete stranger. Just because he is not fulfilled in his marriage does not justify him sending a rude message to a complete stranger. Just because he is angry does not justify him sending a rude message to a complete stranger. Just because he is in pain does not justify him sending rude messages to a complete stranger. His message shows him to be rude, arrogant and aggressive. Someone who has no respect for another's likes, dislikes and boundaries. Block and Delete.
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RHP User
11 years ago
for your input everyone :) I actually didn't respond, just blocked, deleted & swiped left :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Unsolicited advice... seldom finds a welcome, unless it's from someone we love and/or respect. That's his big mistake. (OK I think some of his sentiments are pretty low too.) As you say, what makes him think he knows enough about your circumstances to offer such advice, much less such judgemental advice. Of course the irony is, the judgemental "mee too" dogpile that these forums so often are. Not convinced we know any more about him than he knew of you. We can't even be sure he sent the message these days. But that's never stopped anyone... E.
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