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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about an old Jew who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She goes to the Western Wall and there he is! She watches him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview. "I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 50 years." "50 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Jews and the Arabs. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for our children to grow up in safety and friendship." "How do you feel after doing this for 50 years?" "Like I'm talking to a fu*****n' wall."

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  ... and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, “I’d like to buy those two beautiful ladies a drink.”The bartender replies, “It won’t do you any good.”The man, with a confused look on his face says, “I don’t care what you think, I want to buy those ladies a drink.”The bartender delivers drinks to the ladies and the women acknowledge their drinks with a nod of their heads. Twenty minutes later, the man approaches the ladies and says, “I’d like to buy you two another drink.”The women both reply, “It won’t do you any good.”The man says, “I don’t understand. What do you mean it won’t do me any good?”The first lady says, “We’re lesbians.”The man replies, “Lesbians? What are lesbians?”The second woman replies, “Lesbians… We like to lick pussies.”The man says, “Bartender, three beers for us lesbians.”

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  ANDY ROONEY ON SEX   ·         When I was born, I was given a choice - a big dick or a good memory...I don't remember what I chose. ·         Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. ·         A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. ·         Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..." ·         There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together. ·         Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly. ·         There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly. ·         Virginity can be cured. ·         Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity. ·         Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. ·         I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialler were too small. ·         Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. ·         Question:  What's an Australian kiss? Answer:  The same thing as a French kiss, only down under. ·         A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing. ·         Question:  What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? Answer:  Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't. ·         Question:  Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer:  Breasts don't have eyes. ·         Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!   Send to the men who need a laugh and the women with a good sense of humour!

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