M50

First time swinging for a married couple

June 01 2009

Hello all and thanks for taking the time to read this post. I'm sure this has been covered in the past at some stage but I'm after some real feedback from real people, not what the books tell me or my mates who are a little biases at times. I'm a married man of 5 years and enjoy a good relationship with my wife. As with all relationships there are ups and downs. I'm a very sexual person and so is my wife but for whatever reason we have been on a long road to less and more boring sex as the years pass us by. I have considered the option of swinging to help us spice up the sexual side of our relationship. I did very gingerly broach some ideas to here way back when we meet but at that stage we didn't need to consider anyone else as the sex was great. Unfortunately it has deteriorated since then. My question is to all those out there who have been in a similar situation. How did you approach the subject without fear of damaging an otherwise wonderful relationship. I know it all comes down to communication but I am so nervous about even broaching the subject. Unfortunately I can see our marriage suffering if we can't improve the intamacy side of things. So who out there can tell me their side of the story, would love to hear from both guys and girls as to how they were approached or approached their partner about the subject. I guess I'm afraid she will see me as some sex craved maniac who will leave her if I don't get to sleep with someone else. That couldn't be further from the truth and I only want to do this to improve our relationship in the long run. Looking forward to any advice I can get from other RHP members, more than happy to defend my ideas as well if need be. Thanking you in advance.

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RHP User

17 years ago

Hiya new Firstly if u have avery good relationship with your wife... why dont u speak to her about it... u may find she is thinking the same thing.. Or secondly... tell her u are curious about the swinging scene and ask her to go to a club with you to sus it out... Honesty is the best policy i have found. then theres no misunderstandings..I have found that new couples that go to a swingers club tend to have a lot of fun and come back again and again. The people at a swingers club are all like minded and some are even in the same boat as you.. You only live once.. Life is too short.. enjoy what you have and enjoy life while you can. :)

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RHP User

17 years ago

I was in a similar situation, and we are crrentl embarking on this journey together. A few questions you need to ask yourself is, are you doing it for her, for you or for both?? If you have grand visions of sharing your bed with your wife and a hot young chick, good luck. Especially if she is not bi. I don't really know what your situation is, however in your profile, you have stated that 1-you are attached- Being married is VERY different to being attached 2-You are seeking Women only. I would suggest that if she has not broached the subject before and you hint you would like anoter girl in th bed, she may take it, um how can i say this, very badly and may want to poke you in the eye with your own appendage, once it was removed, if you get my drift. If you truly want this in your life, and want to broach the subject, then read on- Role Playing- Have her tied up and blind folded, this lets her imagination run wild. When in the fits of passion suggest how sexy it would be if another BLOKE was touching her breasts and then her pussy. Nothing More than this YET! This allows you to guage her response without harming her ego or making her feel like she is not the ONLY one you need. If she gets excited by this then keep working at it over many sessions, gradually turn it into a couple scenario and then a woman only scenario. Find out what turns her on, what turns her off. Be prepared for all outcomes. You may find she loves the thought of you and another man being with her, and repulsed by having another woman in the bed, or sharing you! It's testing time and could take a long time. But if you treat it like fun which it is, then the process will really let you know more about your Wife than you could imagine. For the record, it has taken us 2 years to get to the point we are now ready for the next step so good luck

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RHP User

17 years ago

Agreed with above, don't just suggest another girl, that will only make her wonder why... Maybe suggest watching another couple, or having same room sex. Do it semi-casually, not "Can we sit down and talk"... Maybe when you're both getting 'warmed up', or when you're lying there covered in sweat after a session...

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RHP User

17 years ago

Never swing to fix a relationship it is bound to fail. Swingers are self assured and confident in their relationships. They are content with each other and love each other and trust each other to the point that they are able to share with others without any fear of jealousy or losing the one the love. They communicate and talk, talk, talk. No one is more important that YOU as a couple and dont ever try to fix a relationship by sharing or entering in the lifestyle, it will not work for sure.

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RHP User

17 years ago

Think back to when you first met and what you did to rev things up a bit. Think of things that she likes and do them! If you're really unimaginative and lack creativity then buy her some sexy lingerie, nice perfume and champagne to share. Book a nice room in a 4 or 5 star hotel and pamper each other. Or, take a few hours at work to think about something really great you can do with her that can lead to sex. If things have got boring, then it's as much your fault as hers. You need to do something to get her interested again. Once that interest has been sparked again, then maybe she'll think of something to do for you... or maybe you'll have to think of something again. I've found sex gets boring in relationships because people stop doing special things to get it. Think of her as a girl you've just met and you're trying to impress instead of someone that should just give you sex because that's what is expected. Once you've got your sex life working between you again, and things are exciting... THEN think about going to a swingers club. And yeah, be prepared for her to want a guy, it's only fair. Good luck with it.

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RHP User

17 years ago

Im not sure how most other people started into swinging - but we did in bed - to spice things up we started talking about being with other people while we were umm.. at it so to speak. You get the drift.. "Imagining having .... From there it was sort of a natural progression to "have a look at whats out there". Long before the actual act of swinging happened for us we had used the idea as a turn on - if the same works for you it can very easly move forward from there. Sure people swing to spice up a relationships sex life, but there is more to it than that - most (at least the ones I know) genuinely enjoy seeing thier partner having fun with others regardless of any actually sex happening (thats not denying that we love playing with others as well of course). Most of it though is the people you meet and the open nature of the convo's you can have. Listen to the warnings posted, jeliousy is a ugly head. You have to be certain it will make u stronger as a couple otherwise.. well just enjoy the thoughts it can give u and for some - that is plenty enough.

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RHP User

17 years ago

Try being honest with your wife though I don't see how you're going to explain to her that you already have a profile on RHP ostensibly looking for a woman to call a friend and lover. MrP (wondering what it's really all about)

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RHP User

16 years ago

. First of all you need to be open & honest with each other . I don't need to tell u the right time to talk about something delicate . Ask her if she's interested in exploring more . You will entertain her desires and fantasies to ensure she is happy/satisfied .. . then you may be surprised to see that your partner is only too happy to reciprocate (that is erotica , kink , swap , vouyer etc) get my drift . yanno this all revolves around some honest chat with boundaries established & an honest level of trust . She has sum fun , you have sum fun , smiles & talk . No green monsters or separation anxiety here. Get my drift .. for wat it's worth . Mike .

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First time swinging for a married couple

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