Couple breakups after using RHP

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  playfulminx

  14 years ago

  It's funny you bring this up as in the last year or so, at least 3 couple friends of ours broke up. All three were together for a long time and in the scene for just as long. Ultimately they broke up for the same reasons people outside of the lifestyle break up so it's not really related to what you're asking I guess :|I do know of quite a few couples who have been together less than a year that found the scene a bit much for their budding relationship. I don't know if they broke up but they've wisely taken a break.As for longer term couples who discover the scene and break up because of it, not so much although I've heard of partners who discover other partner's partner to be more compatible and things have gone awry. Still, I guess that happens in the vanilla world too?In short, perhaps the swinging scene is just a trigger for relationships that were heading south already?

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  Innercircle

  14 years ago

  Fact is, couples break up all the time, and swinging isnt the reason all the time. Swinging can certainly assist in breaking up couples that weren't stable, especially when it's used as a 'relationship enhancement'.Without communication, and mutual respect, the relationships are doomed usually, regardless of being actively in the scene, or not.Communication is the key to any relationship, and with swinging, that is even more important.We know of a handful that haven't had that communication, and have not been so honest with each other within the scene, to their detriment.We also worry about new couples to the scene, that go all gung-ho, forcing them apart. Too much too quickly? One person wants to jump in feet first, while the other goes along hoping to find their way over time.We took the approach that if this is a lifestyle we want, then let's take our time getting involved. When we host parties and new people come along, we try to encourage them to take baby steps... lead up to the big moment. What's the rush?We know one couple, that we have been forced to end a friendship with, based on their lack of communication with each other, jealousy, and due to one being a hell of a lot more keen that their partner, who is really only somewhat encouraging their involvement to stop the other one 'playing around' behind their back. It really sux to see that, because unless they sort themselves out, and are both honest, comfortable with each others actions, and communicating, they are no doubt going to end up going their seperate ways. Sad really.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I am loving our/my world atm.... Our relationship is strong. When my partner is home 1/2 the month we have a great time reuniting ourselves, and playing together with others and when he is away I get to explore my 'sexual freedom' as an individual.... we tell each other everything- no secrets and it seems to be a work in progress as we live and learn- so we both stay flexible. :) Seem's harder for single people to understand our relationship, I have to at times remind myself that our situation is not so common and we are part of a minority group here.With our constant reassessment and honing, our situation is kept dynamic and keeps getting better despite life's natural challenges. My one issue is that I wish there were girls in mining towns so he could play more when he is away... it has happened but it's rare. :( We have not introduced anyone so can't comment on that... but I definitely think swinging is a make or break exercise depending on so many factors :)Cass xxx P.S I wish everybody all the best in their endeavours, which ever way it goes- I hope it's for the better ;)

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  PartyOrg

  14 years ago

  When I first discovered this site, I thought to myself, couples on this site must never want to break up. They have the choice and comfort level to want to discover new sexual adventures and effectively taking the need of "cheating" out of the equation.   After being on this site, for about 4 years, I have noticed people on the site like normal or vanilla people break up for the many thousands of reasons people choose to end their relationship. Your friends just happened to be on RHP. So to state that people break up because they swinging, I would say is not looking at the whole picture.

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  playful4u

  14 years ago

  We have introduced one couple who joined RHP about two years ago and are still together. I would say that they are leaps and bounds ahead of us now. We love seeing them at parties, they are soooo much fun.   We have seen one couple come apart, possibly due to boundaries, but would prefer not to speculate.   I would agree with the wise comments above, RHP if anything may have been a trigger, but if the underlying base of the relationship is not solid or boundaries are not agreed upon, then it is only a matter of time till it all comes apart.   Honesty with each other, including sexual fantasies and sexuality need to be discussed and disclosed between couples. Honour each other and treat the other as would like to be treated yourself and the trust will grow.   We have been recently popular with younger couples, whom may like the concept of sharing sex but some struggle with the reality of the situation. We think parties is the best way to meet others and we always look forward to them and often refer newbies to meet us at a party if suits. A party was our first RHP experience, little did we know that three other parents from our school were also there :o   We have had fun and meet some lovely people here. xx

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Speaking from experience in swinging in different situations/relationships- swinging creates an extra dimension to a relationship. Any relationship whether that be a commited bf/gf loving one, or a fwb situation.Having swung in both situations, I have found that they are quite similar.You are essentially adding an extra dimension. An extra hobby, an extra thing that you do together that you do with none of your friends. You operate in a team. You plan, get to talk about your partner/relationship with the other couple/person. During the event you look out for each other. We bounce off each other, slip in sneaky hand holds and my bf's lips are off limits to anyone else for kissing. Also discussing what happened afterwards, what we would change, what we liked etc.Doing this adds an extra risk. Like if you arent quite evolved in yourself and in your relationship to see your partner with someone else. I have to admit, when it comes to this, sometimes I am more fragile than other times. Sometimes I couldnt care less, sometimes I wont let anyone else touch him. I know he operates the same. Your trust is tested, your love, your confidence and everything else.But with these risks, come rewards. Rewards for us include extra time together (planning, the event, the debrief afterwards), being able to make each other happy (the smile on his face is the best), the extra pleasure, the extra adrenaline and excitement, the naughtiness, the bonding... and not to mention how much it enhances our sex life when we are on our own. (Not that we had any problem with that before...) For us, the risks are sometimes there but the rewards far outweigh anything else. We love our life and wouldnt change the fact we are swingers. If we were to break up, it wouldnt be because we are swingers. It would be because we were not the right people to complete each other.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  that some people just go along with it because they are afraid of losing the partner. While it is beautiful and amazing if two kinky people meet in their vanilla lives and both have a deep interest in the lifestyle, but basically, I think that any convincing that's done may be a sign that it's not right for you as a couple. Another bit is sexual fantasy versus real emotions. I am turned on by the idea of swinging, but I know that in the context of a solid relationship (or a relationship I'd want to last), I couldn't possibly do it because I don't think I'll ever be fine with seeing someone I love be with another person nor would I ever want said love to be fine with someone else being with me. A boyfriend I'm not really that into? Perfect! A real love? F--- NO! What makes for great fantasy doesn't always make sense for your real world life and emotions. I would assume/hope that the couples on here are equally into it and that both parties are able to separate "play" from everything else. If you're not both able to compartmentalize, then it's not going to end well.

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  QLDtwo4fun

  14 years ago

  Couples break up all the time. Sometimes when one couple splits up other couples in that group follow suite, it become more socially acceptable. Are the long term relationships outcomes for swingers statistically different to that of other couples? Our only evidence is anecdotal. My guess is the same pressures exist whether you swing or not. Trust, honesty, empathy and respect, are critical to most aspects of a relationship and swinging brings them to the front. Most swinging couples we have met have rules, these rules rely upon being open about your desires, understanding your partner's position, trusting them, and respecting their rules. For us, swinging required us to reassess these values and has strengthened our relationship.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I have no factual evidence to this only what I know to be true and that is I have know 4 couples who have been on here as a couple and also with single profiles that have split up and gone their separate ways. I know 3 of these couples well enough to chat openly to and they all decided to join rhp to spice things up so it would appear the relationship was under pressure to start with. This by no means indicates anything at all...... People break up all the time..Why ?? because we can if we chose to

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  WHY_NOT_LOOK

  14 years ago

  Hey i use to be carntbe on here 6 years ago i have meet alot of people off here that have stayed together and broke up along the way. I had a casual relationship for 6 months with someone and still enioyed rhp and cix together. Then my next relationship from here lasted 5 years in his mind he still wanted to do what we had been doing but he was posesive and controlling, always bringing the idea up but as soon as things started happeneing he would loose it. So now after 7 months single im back on here being my old self carntbe, i wont ever let another man try to change my ideas on a health happy relationship, i like to be watched and watch others, doesnt mean i want to fuck them all. Its all very visual for me. even in my married life my ex wanted to swing as soon as we did he said to me how could you do that and like it...... ffs he pushed me for a year to do it. Happy im just looking now WHY NOT ;-)

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