Affairs

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  It's certainly not black and white, and I feel for you, no matter what side you are on. I will warn you, however, that this has the potential to be an extremely controversial issue on the forums, and some people get very heated about it. I will say, no matter what you are dealing with, that you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself. It's so easy to get cushy up in the whirlwind of the situation and lose sight of doing what is necessary to protect yourself. xoxo - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  A hypothetical question? If you are considering an affair then be aware that whoever the other person is,will not be emotionally available and won't have much time for you..you deserve more xxFreya

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Read your post on the Married Men thread. I think you should post it here to give some clarity to your question ..in that context I will say that a man you have been seeing for eleven years and is now engaged to another is just not that into you and has you as a spare xxFreya

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  He has been part of your life for 11 years but has now passed you over for someone else? You deserve much more than that. Even if you love the guy, it will only end in sadness. There are men out there who will love you and only you, I hope you find the strength to deal with the situation N.B. Ive been cheated on, it fucks you up for other guys and makes you behave badly sometimes. but things always get better xxx

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Look after yourself and your emotions. Everybody is beautiful in their own unique way. Love thyself first... (just not in public as you may get arrested.. and the courts frown upon that sort of thing.. no matter what you say.."I was testing it your Honour" just doesn't cut the mustard). Seriously. . Love yourself and the universe will love you back. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  with freya , 11 years and he still over looks you , you certainly deserve better than that.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Very good points. Have known each other for 11 years yes, hasn't always been an affair for the want of a better word. We dated for a while, and went our seperate ways and then bumped into each other and he was engaged with a lot of family issues (sickness etc) and I suppose it just went from there. Id been through what he was going through and communication became a big thing. Don't worry I have my boundaries and know my end game :) was just putting the question out there! - Posted from rhpmobile

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  Katkat

  10 years ago

  the grass is always greener on the other side. Yes guys will cheat but u don't need that move on or get even. But there is always another person that will make you happy & only you might not happen now but just enjoy your time now fulfill all your erotic desire live life to the max! One day that special one will come & sweep you off your feet at least u had your good times then right? - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  been left for someone else.. found partners having affairs.. been lied to.. told they were leaving their partner for me.. blah blah.. blah AND.. done the same..Some say I BRAG about, and am proud I was/am a cheating piece of shit..BUT, it is not the case.. I admit my actions - I have done what I have done and it cannot be undone..AND one day, I will probably get shot for it.The one thing I learned as a teenager.... and it has EVERSINCE fascinated me(AND it was PROBABLY because I became self aware of my proclivities then...)is this....."IF you take someone off someone else.... someone will someday take them off you.." It is honestly naïve to believe that YOU are the person that person honestly WANTS to live his/her entire life with..Those of us who play up on our partners.. do it BECAUSE it is in us to do it.... like a dog chasing a cat.. like a rabbit eating your lettuce..Hell.... I know women who SWEAR they don't WANT to be "Like That" .. but they swear they cannot help themselves..(I don't bother discussing this shit with men -- so I don't know what excuse THEY use..)'

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  MsJonesy

  10 years ago

  It is black and white... and many shades in between. It just depends on who you are and you view on the situation. To you it isn't black and white - you have feelings for this man and are allowing the situation to occur. You mention family issues and sickness...... they are NOT reasons for having an affair, they are just poor excuses for poor behaviour. You are definitely in the grey zone. To him it isn't black and white - he may or may not have feelings for you, but he is certainly happy that he is getting sex on the side, you being the accommodating chick who is giving it to him. He is in the grey zone. His fiancee - she would definitely be in the black and white zone, there is no question of that. No woman gets engaged (with all the connotations that has of making the pledge to spend your lives together in the not too distant future) and expects to be cheated on. Doesn't bode well for the future really does it? Married to a cheater, I wonder how she will feel when she finds out....and I have no doubt that she will at some stage. Just let him go, don't be the one who is an easy lay for him, because that is what you are at the moment. And if not, if you think he has feelings for you, then stop seeing him, let him sort out an exit strategy from his engagement then have a proper relationship with him.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  A close friend of mine is currently in this situation and I asked her this question... If this man does leave his wife for her would she ever trust him? Knowing how his wife is unaware of his activities, how much will she be able to trust him if she becomes his wife? Is that a life you would want for yourself.... Constantly looking over your shoulder and double guessing what he might actually be getting up to? I think that is a very very difficult road to travel. I wish you all the best and hope you find someone who you can openly share your life with. Personally I'm totally ruled out of cheating or having an affair. My memory is so pathetic that I would trip myself up in about 5 minutes flat!!! Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I've put some thought into this before posting (unusual I know 😯) but I have to agree with kissk. He's using you, which i'm not judging on it's own, with casual hookups, we're all using each other for pleasure really, but it's the feelings you have for him. You're opening yourself up to get hurt, if he was into you, he wouldn't have let you go. Attached people rarely leave their partners and neither should you expect them to. It's the ongoing feelings you have for him that is the problem, I don't pass judgment on anything else, that would be the pot calling the kettle black. How does this make you feel? I'd personally move on, easier said than done though I know, good luck 😃

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  It's mostly black OR white When the hubby rang me, I was a little embarrassed but I was none the wiser, after a good chat and a beer , we both let her go and now are mates Its just really important to be so careful as this situation could've got real ugly Just smile because that doesn't hurt anyone - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Well looks like her moral compass has be re-aligned, for the better I hope. Weird how women automatically see amoral women as victims, she is not a victim or being used, the only victim is the poor woman engaged to the cad. People who cheat, and it takes 2, in my opinion are base. We all have free will for better or worse, she has the ability to walk away, or not be led.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Quoting 'social_suicide' Well looks like her moral compass has be re-aligned, for the better I hope. Weird how women automatically see amoral women as victims, she is not a victim or being used, the only victim is the poor woman engaged to the cad. People who cheat, and it takes 2, in my opinion are base. We all have free will for better or worse, she has the ability to walk away, or not be led. Enough gumption to ask questions then after the cavalry arrives to give advice ,,, the user account is closed or hidden.Wonder if the user gained something from it or the responders helped the situationDunno,,, but it happens all too often

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Are just needy. IMO. Start liking yourself and the rest is easy. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I agree with all the of above posters, wise words indeed. I feel for you immensely though. It's a decade of your life just gone. My advice, move on to someone who does deserve you. This guy truly doesn't deserve the time of day! Frankly, it sounds like he's kept you there in the background all these years, as a stop gap, just in case something better doesn't come along. I'd like to use a few choice words here but I'll resist. 11 Years and you then go and get engaged to someone else........ seriously where is your head at as a person!!!! It's also incredibly self centered and selfish on his part, it's restricted your movements for all these years, limiting your opportunity of meeting someone who does want to be with you on a full time basis. And yes, I know the alternative argument is that it's been your choice all these years, much harder though in practice when you're with someone that you're crazy about and bring emotion into the equation. It's a little bit like the train that said, 'I think I can." In this case the voice in your head keeps saying, 'this year they'll commit, this is the year where things will get better.' And the years just keep morphing by. I've had friends in situations similar to you, and I was in a long term relationship in my late teens / early 20s that spanned years, dragged on forever and went no where. (So I can really empathise with where you are at.) And, I'd NEVER, EVER date a guy again on an exclusive/ monogamous basis unless he actually asked and it was discussed that we'd be exclusive only to each other. Better to remain a free agent. Even, then have a get out of jail clause, - you meet 'the one', it's exclusive but they don't want to commit within a reasonable time frame - I'm outta here! Life is just too short and temporary to be dithering around. You've dodged a bullet. People don't change. He'll continue treating people just as he's treated you. That said, moving on is easier said than done. The whole situation sounds absolutely heartbreaking.

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