Movie Reviews

A film about male strippers promises Showgirls (or at least Burlesque) levels of camp guilty-pleasure fun for female and gay-male audiences. But look again, because the trailers are misleading.

Ok, let’s just say this from the get go: if you walk into The Expendables expecting anything more than a cheesy stroll down memory lane then, one: you’ll be disappointed, two: you’re an idiot.

They should have called this film Bugger-all Activity. For the rave reviews this film has been receiving and the insane piles of cash it’s taking at the box office you would expect a little more than a slow burning psychological snooze fest with a sum total of 45 seconds of action.

Sam Raimi, you beautiful bastard. You’re as whacked out as ever and thankfully, you’ve retained that adolescent streak that made your take on horror so damn enjoyable!

Back in the early naughties, director, Todd Phillips had a cult smash with the debaucherous comedy Old School. The film reintroduced us to the fantastic frat-house comedy stylings that American cinema had been lacking for so long; it also introduced us to Will Ferrell’s arse.

When a film’s directed by some clown calling himself McG, the trepidation sets in early. Is McG short for something? Is it in fact an acronym? Multiple Cliché Guy springs to mind; or how about Massive Cinematic Gaffe? Whatever the reason for his ridiculous moniker, once the world bears witness to Terminator Salvation, McG will spell mud...

J.J Abrams has got balls; big shiny brass balls that must drag on the ground when he walks into the offices of Hollywood CEOs. Taking on a franchise is a surmountable undertaking, period, let alone one the most fervently worshipped franchises in history. Sure Star Wars is the poster child of the science fiction genre, but the workhorse and quite frankly, the eternal torchbearer, has been Star Trek, in all its glorious and not so glorious forms.

Well hasn’t it been quite the year for Aussie A-lister Hugh Jackman. He was voted Sexiest Man Alive, hosted the Oscars and now the all singing, all dancing thespian is reprising his role as Wolverine, the hairy handful from the X-Men franchise.

Well it appears Mickey Rourke may indeed be of use to society after all. Over the last decade Rourke has rarely bothered the industry radar; in fact if it wasn’t for his compulsion to flash his tackle in public we may well have dropped old Mick from the memory banks all together… until now.

Three words – worst movie ever. Ok, obviously not literally but by Christ, if this steaming turd of a remake doesn’t sweep this years Razzies (worst film awards) then the end times are upon us and we’re moving into the bizarro dimension. From the awful, awful dialogue to the awful, awful, awful directing of Scott Derrickson, The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008) should never have made it out of the pitching blocks.

You know what to expect going in so don’t whine when it’s served up on a plate. Yes if you’re hoping for anything more than dick, fart and boob jokes you best look elsewhere, for Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay follows in it’s predecessors footsteps in the content department. Its gross-out humour for the kids and if you can turn the intellect off for a couple hours it works just fine. From the facial sperm shots the dick sandwiches being served up to doughnut hating terrorists in Guantanamo, each shot is pretty cheap, you know it, they know it, but we’re all ok with it.

Ben Stiller… he’s a hard one. For most it’s a love or hate deal; you either bust a gut every time his awkward antics push his rubbery face into another panicked outburst or… you don’t. What ever your thoughts on the man, his new production Tropic Thunder may win you over which ever side of the fence you sit on.

After the tragic passing of Heath Ledger a few months ago, The Dark Knight was always going to be the most anticipated release of 2008; not only did Ledgers death rob us of an amazing talent, it has also burdened the second of the of the modern Batman incarnations with the unfair responsibility of book-ending a career that was set to explode. Luckily, director Christopher Nolan and his amazing ensemble have crafted a dark epic that can carry both itself and Ledger's memory.

Will Smith, Charlize Theron and Jason Bateman… good so far yes? Well throw them into a part-superhero – part self discovery Hollywood blockbuster and the results… well they kinda vary...

Die hard fans of the cult 60s TV show, will probably feel jilted by the modern day revival of Get Smart. By morphing this celluloid classic into a big budget film for the big screen, director Peter Segal seems to have “missed it by that much."