Tis the Season for Pleasin’
On The Ground
Tis the Season for Pleasin’
Christmas is that wonderful time when boys and girls add up their Christmas lists and contemplate just how...
Christmas is that wonderful time when boys and girls add up their Christmas lists and contemplate just how naughty and nice they have been over the last 12 months. So in the spirit of all things festive we thought we would have a look at some of the ups and downs of silly season dating and the activities available to curl Santa's toes and warm the cockles of your heart.
For some reason it doesn’t seem to matter how old you get there is a part in most people that temporarily suspends reality around Christmas. I don’t mean good tidings and good will to all, presents and sparkling children’s eyes. I mean “Party” and the “What the hell, it’s Christmas” attitude. That burning desire that creeps up on us to revert to a time of no responsibility, preferably now wrapped in the arms of a hottie from the office party. Or dancing long into the night with a warm vodka induced glow wondering how you hadn’t noticed how sexy ‘Gr8one4you’ was at the last RHP get together. Yes grown ups become kids and the candy usually has 2 legs and a come hither smile on its face. So how do we get through this crazy rush of Christmas cheer with our dignity in tact and hopefully a date for the New Year.
1 THE FLIRT
At no time on the calendar is it quite so acceptable to flirt as it is at Christmas. In fact it’s as traditional as mistletoe, the shrub of choice for the seasoned flirt. Interestingly mistletoe was invented by the Celtic Druids to aid fertility.
On the sixth night of the moon, six white-robed Druid priests were to cut the oak mistletoe with a golden sickle. Then two white bulls would be sacrificed amid prayers that the recipients of the mistletoe would prosper. An awful lot of hassle that probably had the same effect on their prosperity as buying your Dad a pair of socks did last year. Still it’s the thought that counts as long as you’re not a bull! Anyway, later the Greeks, probably the male ones, added the act of having a good pash. While the Europeans in the middle ages hung it on the ceiling to ward of evil spirits. Although most girls I know today would argue it has the opposite effect at the office function.
Of course at a time when every single person is preparing to party, knowing this highly useless information may just help you jump the queue in the memorable stakes next time you’re faced with trying to make an impression in the 30 seconds you get before or after the mistletoe kiss.
TIP: if you think you are not a very good flirt then you probably won’t be. Confidence is 9/10th’s of the trick. Even miss placed confidence often works. Remember Xmas is a time when people give others the benefit of the doubt. The perfect time to turn up your sass appeal and have some fun being a little extroverted. You may find you like it and you may also find others do to.
2 THE OFFICE XMAS PARTY FLING
The office Xmas party fling was invented over a mole skin rug of fermented lichen and crushed elder bugs some 10,000 years ago by a bawdy wench named Lilly McFeah and the dung scrapers son Liam. Okay I’m making that up but it was a long time ago and if you haven’t shamed yourself with a co worker at an Xmas party you really haven’t experienced the meaning of Christmas. Although to be honest the office Xmas fling can run into some difficulties. So here is my advice.
Unless you work for the Mardi Gras council try and keep amourous activities to the opposite sex to avoid confusion at a later date. If you can’t tell which sex the person you are kissing is then its probably better you do some less potentially embarrassing activity like pass out. TAXI
If you do hook up with someone you normally wouldn’t e.g. they are 5 points less attractive than you, or happily you are 5 points less attractive than them and you are hoping to hell the fact you found your camera in the punch hasn’t erased the evidence, then I suggest you remember the following.
Don’t feel bad:- Humans, thanks to their chemicals are designed to feel extreme emotions very quickly under the right stimuli, e.g. flight or flight etc. Just because you or they had a rush of said emotions is absolutely no reflection on anything other than you were both chemically high. Guilt is not only overrated but destructive to self esteem. So get over it. In fact no matter how potentially embarrassing the encounter may have been it’s my recommendation that you have a laugh about it. Don’t ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen. Look ‘em in the eye and have a giggle. It will dissipate the energy and make being around them and you so much more bearable. You never know it may help them see a side to you they hadn’t and lead to a better friendship and it will certainly make sure you are not afraid to strike when the iron (or you) are hot in the future.
3 THE CHRISTMAS HANGOVER
They say what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger but I wonder if this applies to the hangover. In case you weren’t clear alcohol is actually a poison hence the extreme lengths your body goes to remind you of this fact when you drink too much. Additionally alcohol actually reduces testosterone in men, making them in fact more female. Hence the inability to get it up when it counts, and the addition of ‘but I really love you’ to the end of every sentence. It’s actually quite interesting watching or better still feeling how intense your emotions are when heightened with alcohol. I think it gives us a little insight into the minds of others around us who feel things on different levels to us day to day.
So next time your Xmas vice alters your brain chemicals and you find yourself behaving differently remember all of us are always just a few hormones away from happy, horny, hurt or hung over and a few chemicals away from loving, lecherous, loud or low. So in the interest of Christmas spirit and good will to all, try and remember that when judging others, especially yourself. Have a guilt free great Xmas
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