The new Male Du Jour

It’s not easy being a bloke. Seriously!

I can just picture the female population of this wonderful website rolling their eyes and wondering what can be so hard about scratching your balls, making up lame excuses and having your dinner cooked for you. But you’ve got guys all wrong. Honest! You see in the universal scheme of things, men have much more to worry about than you might otherwise think.

Aside, of course, from deciding what channel to watch, decision never completely made as long as they are holding the remote, men today have a whole gamut of new problems to furrow their brow. Such as, “How do I get rid of the furrows on my brow?”, “Should my hair be jchzuzing from the back or tweaked at the front?”, “Is this moisturiser too oily for under my eyes?” and, “Should I conceal or leave my blemishes au naturele?” Every day it seems there is a new list of criteria to fit into the category of Male of Moment aka the male du jour, all in the name of endearing himself to the opposite sex!

Yes ladies, we understand that you have had to wear lippy and liner, stockings and stilettos since womankind dragged man kicking and screaming out of his cave. But the truth is men, as humble servants to the female form, spend much of their time devoted to the task of pleasing and impressing you. Even if the motive is ultimately the pleasing and undressing of said woman folk, quid pro quo!

The problem is that men are not sure how to impress you anymore. It seems every month the women’s mags come up with some new and exciting version of the perfect man splashed across the pages between the fashion faux pas and sex advice. As if there was really more to life than how to find your G-spot!! Lets face it ladies I know plenty of guys who would say, ‘thank you God’ and scuttle back to their caves never to be seen again, with that kind of information, if they were equally equipped. But it seems screaming orgasms are not enough, women want their blokes to be perfect too.

But what does that mean! The average man today is expected to be tough but not hard, gentle but not soft, outgoing but not loud, shy but not weak, needed but not needy, starry eyed but not a stalker, smitten but not smothering… You get the picture.

The truth is we are confused as hell, have no idea what it is you want and to be totally honest are not sure you do either!

Here is a snap shot of men through the ages:

YUPPY:

The young, upwardly-mobile professional was the first consumer driver, cultural male mould following the Sexual Revolution of the 60s. Think of Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen, or anyone in Wall Street for that matter. Embraced by women who were glad to be rid of the disco dorks. They splashed out on Old Spice, brought their first Armani suit and acted like tossers with more money than sense and all for what? Over drawn bank accounts, deviated septums and numerous bankruptcy hearings, JR Ewing was the lucky one who got out in the nick of time, as did any self-respecting gal who moved on to better things.

THE REAL MAN:

Tired of the shallow, weedy, wanky, yuppy, woman ditched their Working Girl outfits and looked beyond the Central Business District for a complete change in the arms of a ‘real man’. The real man was a combination of Commando and Rambo, someone strong who could take out half the Russian army with a pen knife and puerile pun. Yes Arnie and Sly were king and every lady on the block wanted her own cock-swinging Alpha male. Like obedient sheep, men obliged to the whim and joined the local gym in droves. Gulping down raw eggs like tequila shots and grabbing their crotches yelling ‘Yo!’ in the faint hope of getting some attention. But while butch was beautiful, brainless wasn’t. What she really wanted, she reasoned, was someone who could understand the complexities of being her.

SNAG:

You wanted it and you got it ladies, the sensitive new age guy came about quicker than you could say Spandau Ballet. Guys were listening intently to your problems, lining up to see Sleepless in Seattle for the eighth time and singing along to the latest Boys 2 Men hit. Of course it didn’t take long for woman to discover that while penning poems with bosom buddies was nice, it didn’t get light bulbs changed or the garbage taken out. Everyone soon realised that it was better to have a boyfriend that cried less than you. Frustrated with yet another shattered ‘ideal man’, women decided it was time to stop messing around and just ask for everything at once. A true dirty Harry meets Sally.

"SEXUALS" AGE:

As if coming out of the Noughties wasn’t tough enough, male sexuality was thrust into the spotlight with a growing number of men taking more of an interest in there appearance; the macho man was forced into an extended sabbatical and the gents began to scrub up, and so the mind bending Metrosexual phenomena was born. The rich kids like David Beckham and Ian Thorpe took grooming and an interest in fashion to the level of the Crufts Dog Show spawning the Ubersexual sect. Like any new-age movement, there were the sub-cultures which faded in and out of vogue.

The Retrosexual pretended to rebel, clinging onto their beer cans and ‘trainers with jeans’ trend for as long as they could, while the boys in the bush brought sexy back, by way of the Ruralsexual, mixing flannelette with Hugo Boss cologne, as it was about time the Farmer found a wife.

So what’s next? And is all this ”Out with the old and in with the new” actually getting any of us any closer to what you want?

It seems like relationships are shakier than ever. Could this be because we keep looking for what’s not real and pretending to be what we are not? After all how long can you keep up a charade? About as long as your last relationship is my bet.

So I’m going to be the first to start a new trend. I declare the era of the JAMIWAM (pronounced jammy wham) has begun, translation "Just A Man Is What I Am".

That’s the funny thing when someone is allowed to be THEMSELVES, miracles happen and they relax and let you be you.

Think about the people you are closest to. What’s the one thing they all have in common? They love you for you not for some silly make up persona you have put on in order to get their attention.

So let’s shun the shallow and rediscover the real. After all life’s too short and loves not a theatre sport! - Kiss a JAMIWAM today.

Let us know if you have found a JAMIWAM? What type of man do you prefer? Are you are JAMIWAM? Let us know your thoughts.