Make Up Sex

Hands up who likes make up sex? It is a truth universally acknowledged that an argument is useless unless followed by make up sex.

Romeo & Juliet, Charles & Camilla, Carrie & Mr Big. Some of the world’s hottest couples have dealt with make up and break up sagas. Whether it’s make up canoodling after an argument or going out of business sex marking the end of an era with someone. Reconciliation romps are just part and parcel of modern dating and mating.

Make up sex is one of life’s more unusual little bonuses. I must admit one of the downsides of having a great relationship is that you never get to argue and hence miss out on all the fab hot, sweaty, abandoned make up sex. But what is it about arguments that bring on this panacea of passion and when is it time to say enough is enough?

For many people life can be a bit of a rut and lets be honest, relationship dramas do give us a warped sense of purpose. It’s a sad fact but true. A lot of fights could easily be avoided, but the rush of emotions that are generated from a good blue, also pump endorphins and adrenalin around your body, which is of course addictive.

Have you ever wondered how two people can go from “I wuv you my little snoopy pooey’ to “You drive me F@#King insane you F#@king F@#K!” It’s called insult addiction and it starts with that slightly niggly feeling a few weeks into the relationship and ends months later in all out war, and of course wild make up sex.

Once you get a taste for the rush you get from yelling or putting someone down, it is very hard to stop yourself wanting more. I’m sure you have all experienced times when you’ve said something and thought after “Wow, did I really say that?” You couldn’t help it and as much as you may have affections for that little sugar plum fairy or snuggly daddy bear, if you’re not careful it starts to erode one insult at a time. What should have been a great relationship turns into one big drama as it gets easier and easier to make an excuse to fire up the senses and get your fix.

So why is it so intense and how do you get that make up sex high while not spiralling down into insult addiction?

Firstly the reason the feeling is so intense is because after an all out emotional exchange your body is overflowing with the big daddy of all hormones - testosterone, responsible for both aggression and sex. When the argument loses its momentum your brain is left in a heightened state awash with sex chemicals. Suddenly you see the person in front of you for that sexy spunk you did when you first started dating. Why? Because what’s going on in your brain chemically is exactly what was going on when you first started dating. Of course just like it did then, over time it drops back down and you’re left to deal with real life.

So to get the benefits of the buzz without suffering the agony of the argument there are a few simple things you need to be aware of.

1. Start to notice when your reactions are simply to make you feel better and not for the greater good of the relationship. It’s often the case that if someone feels bored or unempowered in their life they will try and rectify this and the most common way to do this is through arguments or putting people down. Often at the expense of their partners. Be aware if you notice yourself doing this and take action to change how you feel about yourself, that doesn’t cost your relationship with those you love.

2. Take up a wild or sexy activity; try exciting, naughty or slightly aggressive role play. Have some fun with your natural urges and enjoy it together rather than at the other person’s expense.

3. Keep your ego in check. Recognise when you are being childish. Even if you don’t acknowledge it to your partner, don’t kid yourself, noticing is 90% of the solution.

4. Make an effort to stay out of the rut. Lethargy lowers attraction. Go sky diving, have a big night out, learn to dance together or do anything that gives you a chance to get a rush out of the ordinary, and feel alive. Sex after doing something exhilarating rivals make up sex because it also pumps testosterone through your system.

5. Remember make up sex does not make up for having a bad relationship but it does make it more tempting to go back for more. If make up sex and arguments are the most exhilarating part of your relationship it’s probably time to move on. After all what’s the worst that could happen? You could have a fight about it and have to make up all over again.