Great Expectations?!?

I vividly remember the last time I was ditched.

What was odd was that only one week earlier the very same girl who was now looking me in the eye and coldly declaring I was ‘not her type,’ had just about begged me to marry her. And all this just 8 months after getting divorced from a 7 year marriage from hell, to the other,‘love of my life’!!

I mean, how is it possible to get so many serious relationships so wrong. Had I learnt nothing?

About this point in my dating career I had what I call a Monty Python moment. A realisation that things were so ludicrously unfunny that they were in fact quite funny again.

But the real ‘Aha’ moment came when I realised most of my friends were also neck deep in their own dating dramas.

I discoverd that whilst perfectly designed for millions of years to explore each other, have sex, fall in love, build families and get lashing of pleasure from it all, the only thing that had changed over all this time was our EXPECTATIONS.

Every generation has different expectations as to what a relationship ‘should be like’, how they should treat someone, and what they should expect in return. And when these expectations are out of whack – KABOOM! A dating rollercoaster and a 60% divorce rate.

So if you want your next relationship to be a really good one, be it a booty call, torrid romance or a happy ever after, here are a list of some ‘EXPECTATIONS’ you might want to remember and some you might want to forget.

DON’T EXPECT

1) Don’t EXPECT them to act and think like you.

Lots of people make the mistake of projecting their thoughts, beliefs, rules and expectations on their partner. This is the fastest route to disappointment. Let them be them and you be you and love them for the differences.

2) Don’t EXPECT that just because you are together you have some divine right of ownership over them.

Ownership erodes love and kills the spark of life you were probably attracted to in the first place. Freedom builds real trust, love and growth and nurtures natural closeness.

3) Don’t EXPECT them to change for you.

Whenever you want your partner to change for you, you’re acknowledging you are not prepared to change for them. If you don’t like the toilet seat up, how do you think they feel every time you put it down?? If you don’t like something, fix it yourself, live with it or move on! Just don’t complain about it!

EXPECT

1) EXPECT life to work its magic.

When we let nature do what it does best, it generally takes care of things just fine. It’s when we come along with all our preconceived ideas and start squeezing round plugs into square holes that our little fantasies get shattered. Just enjoy the relationship one day at a time for what it really is, not what you want it to be.

2) EXPECT the best!

The benefit of the doubt is a beautiful thing. If you’re the kind of person who remembers every little indiscretion, let it go. The only thing you achieve when you drag this stuff up is to kill the relationship one nag at a time. Forget the past and you’ll have room in your thoughts and heart to enjoy the future

3) EXPECT to give without reward.

Real relationships are not a giant trading post. Be prepared to give yourself fully in the relationship, without reward. Not every one will work out, but at least you will know that it wasn’t because you held back. Many potentially great relationships never stand a chance because one or both people are too scared to open up without guarantees of rewards. Sometime we need to take the biggest risks to earn the greatest rewards.