The Pussy Pump -- The New Sex 'Craze' You Haven't Tried

OK, before you freak out and think I'm some kind of sex pervert (hi, Dad!), let me introduce you to the craziest sex toy I haven't used -- the Pussy Pump.

I recently the discovered the P-pump on AdultToy.com. (Where I was doing research. For a friend.) I like to think I've seen a marital aid or two in my day, but this one sort of boggles the mind.

What's a pussy pump, you ask? Well, you shameless nympho, it's a plastic cup that looks like something a fireman might use to give you oxygen, attached to an air-filled bulb. The purpose, ostensibly, is to make your downtown Detroit all engorged without having to use conventional methods, like getting turned on or having a midget punch you in the crotch (or, ideally, both).

What? Why? Even AdultToy.com, one of the retailers pushing the pump, seems a little mystified. "Why blow up your pussy?" asks the product description. Why indeed! "Some women report increased sensitivity, and men report increased tightness." The site also notes the inclusion of a "Free Demonstration DVD" to "show you how it's done, step by step." (Hey, anything's better than "Glee.")

Still mystified? I was too. So I asked Ian Kerner, sex and relationship counselor and author of "She Comes First," why pump?

"About five years ago the FDA approved a clitoral therapy device for women who suffer from inhibited arousal," Ian explained. "The whole topic in general (the medicalization of low female desire) is a controversial topic, but this therapy device was approved by the FDA and is basically a small vacuum pump that goes over the vulva and sucks air out, encouraging blood flow to the genitals. I would have to say that the idea of using a vacuum pump to encourage blood flow to the female genitals is nothing new, but sexual-science research has shown that female desire is much more complex than merely facilitating blood flow to the pelvis."

Yeahhhh, I don't know about most of you, but if I see genitals that look unnaturally inflamed, that's my cue to roll up my tarp and fake an early squash game. Anybody out there tried this thing?

Source: lemondrop.com