once upon a profile

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once upon a profile

Aug 08, 2012
coodi_yowie
ABOUT ME...

This is God... I live in the sky and i am the man so to speak, i'm also very modest. I'm old, wise, grey and hairy... although one of my many talents is shape-shifting, so i could be anything you want me to be. I've been up here for a very long time watching you kinky fuckers and i'm now wanting a piece of the action...

I'm not perfect by any means, just look at some of the animals i've created on earth... birds with wings that can't fly and the sort. However, I'm an exceptional lover... you know this to be true as i always speak the truth. I'm very creative in the bedroom, just look at what i've done in creating the universe... pretty fuckin' awesome hey. When i'm not creating stuff, i'm normally causing havoc on earth... you see, it's all about balance and some of you fuckers just need to be punished... having said that, generally I'm a quiet, reserved kinda guy. Also, it's not true what you've read, i do like sex with other blokes, so i consider myself experimental.   

Sorry if i don't respond to your message straight away, as you know i'm a very busy God, a lot of my time is spent answering prays and attending church services. Sunday is obviously not a good day for me, however i'm free most week days and i'm very flexible as i never sleep.

WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR

Sex with humans... angels and spirits just don't do it for me anymore.

MY REDHOT FANTASY

To smoke a joint, scull some tequila and have an orgy in a bouncy castle lathered in baby oil



... have fun and create your own
   


Aug 08, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
jensman1903   Man 50yrs

...And there you have it.

Man created God in his on image.
Aug 08, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Miketheduc   Man 53yrs

Dear Dog

Dear Dog, since I don't believe in you I expect you to not belive in me.

 

I would like to point out most of the people you seem to be punishing are children and women. I propose that instead of advertising for anonymous sex you should be punished by NO SEX FOREVER.

 

Now bugger off and bother someone else.

 

Mike

Aug 08, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Hesione

whenever

I have sex, I scream,moan or yell your name .Strange really as we have never actually met x Hugs H
Aug 08, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
justswingingbi   Couple Man 40yrs Woman 35yrs

Hesione

LOL hillarious... well done!
Aug 08, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
countrymeat

gods one kinky guy

he sat above watching..created adam and eve.they had caine and able.then caine killed able so that just left adam and eve,yet able  was able to take a wife..now the sick  kinky bit..there only three of of them so he either did his own mum or adam  and  eve had a daugther and caine did her.seems to  me  for the first 20  years or  so  until there was a bit of in breeding,partners  where few and far between...
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Look_For_You

G.O.D Gone Out for Dinner

While God was resting on the 7th day Adam and Eve had an apple so they joined RHP and found the   ...
Aug 09, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Dark_Moon_Lilith

dear god

So your sex change operation that took you from being a hermaphrodite to being a male went well then, and you are feeling good?  And what did you mean when you told me "the when god created man she was only joking?"
Aug 09, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Litonya   Woman 56yrs

once upon a profile

What’s wrong with you humans, yes I made you in my image you are all perfect….... I gave you everything, everything is provided in plenty. 

I didn’t make the rules, you did. Yaa you say I did, but I didn’t you did, because you power crazy. The only thing I gave you was free will and choice. And what do you do with it…..nothing. You blame me for everything. And that’s stinks big time. Don’t blame me for your greediness, power hungriness, short sightlessness, hate, and sheer nastiness. I did not do this to you, you did. I am a loving God. And who told you I am a male…I am everything, don’t put a label on me.

Have a look what you created and take responsibly for once in your life, it’s easy to say I God didn’t help you. Its bullshit, look around look really around open your eyes your ears and listen and watch…..I gave you everything……only you are not honest and need someone to blame.

Dont you know that we all one! You are me and I am you.....

 

Aug 09, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post

I bought a T-shirt..

For a woman I was seeing some time ago.. 

It said "Atheists scream your name during sex"

~laughs~
Aug 09, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
tuscanred   Woman 60yrs

God Botherer

Dear God


I am not fucking you again, I am sick to death of being virgin

Yes you fucked me but then you put your hand down there again , and bingo I am healed again!


Yes your always yelling out like the second cumming of yourself.


And stop calling me Mary, it creeps me out as I am not sure if your yelling for your mum or that whore Mary Magdalene. Yeah I know your mothers perfect but you really believe she was a virgin when you were born? Yeah right


Learn to cook, I am fed up with fish with bread all the time.


And that burning bush you gave me, well it took a week on penicillin to fix it.


Yeah and how come you rose from the dead, but cant get your cock up after you turn the water to wine?


Thank heavens I am older now so those priests you hired are not after me any more. Once I turned ten I was of no interest to them at all.


Yes its called a missionary position cause you lay back and say ohhh god I hope he is finished soon.


I am not worried if I go to hell as I hear the Devil has more of an imagination and is a dirty fucker, my kind of guy, I have seen Dante s inferno and they look like they are having a hell of a time.


Yours truly


TR who will confess and be a good girl, who will blow St Peter at the gates to get into heaven

Seems fair as St Peter will think he has gone to heaven and back after I get my lips on his cock.



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wowwow11   Man 40yrs

Use your Brain

Dear God could you please ask your seniors in command to stop molesting children , expecting us to believe in a rabbit that lays chocolate eggs and that some fucker was nailed to a cross for me…. Oh and while you’re at it can you please stop the Mormon’s & Jehovah witnesses knocking on my fucking door  ( oh this could be too much to ask …But so is believing in a god pffffft as if ) .

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Nudierudie2   Woman 42yrs

Thoughts on God..

I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I've got to tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
Something is really wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption,  Big Brother
Something is definitely wrong.
This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being.
This is the kind of shit you'd expect from a McDonald's drive through attendant with a bad attitude. 
In any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.
No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this.
So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit,which would explain a lot of these bad results.
Aug 09, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
MadamDragonfly  

Woman 61yrs

once upon a Profile:)

hi! Coodie Yowie.. Self Proclaimed "God" ..

Thanks for that sample of your Profile I got a great laugh out of it....Plus it passed my time whilst I wait for my Next TV show to begin..So far a very Positive encounter.. he!he!

it has raised a question or two  in My mine....

Do you change sexes at will?... because it still hasn't be proven 1 God exists 2 If the Entity does... are you Male, Female or Both ..Ha!ha!

Or is it all in My Mind that you "God" is the creator of all..If so Get out of My Mind Please I haven't finished with it..ha!ha!

1 more thing it's said in a Sunday service "God Be with You " Um..so how come you haven't contacted me as yet.. so I can show you the ways of Sexual Encounters have my way with you turn you into a very Hot sexy  Devil too  ha!ha! ...That was fun ..

Aug 10, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
newkee   Woman 41yrs

oh dear God...

Ummm so you are saying you are kinky?
...and on the 6th day God created ... scat? oO

I am never going to be able to look at rain the same way again...


Aug 10, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
cavey50   Man 53yrs

Zecharia Sitchin

Google this fella... and the Sumerian texts which are currently moving through some of out major museums...

They Portray "God" as somewhat different entity :)

And, I might add, one which certainly explains a lot about why shit is as it is.. answering a lot of the topics I read as underlying many of your issues with God as you are taught :)

 

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Bratzilla  

Woman 36yrs

Chocolate

Yep, baby, that's me. Sweet, ready to satisfy night or day. Can fill you up whenever you feel like, I wanna be inside you, oh yeah. I come prewrapped in my very own plastic, I'm never too soft, I'm the best thing you'll ever put in your mouth! You know you want me, even when you're all pms... you know you want me, after all, even your lover gives you some of me when he's trying to fix some dumbass shit he's done. WANT ME. *ahem*                                                                                      WHAT IM LOOKING FOR: a luscious hottie with big lips to devour me whole.                                                      MY RED HOT FANTASY: to be inside you and melt at your touch.

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