Oh my goodness Aly
I can only offer my limited insights as someone who lost a parent to suicide when young.It will be hard and you willneed support from friends and family to come through this.
Talking honestly to your partner about your feelings will give you both a way to get through this testing and emotionally fraught time.
Don't forget there will be good times as well as bad.
Take comfort and sometimes joy in the time you have together.
Take time for yourself to recharge, if it is going to be as long as 5 years there are going to be times when you are going to be running on empty.
If you have kids its going to be ....
All the best
Is the opposite of death.
You are going through hell, so its natural you want comfort and to feel alive.
You will be overcome with guilt sometimes if you act on your desires.
Be very careful as your vulnerable and guys will use that as a way to get you in bed.
There is nothing anyone can say to really help you with this, except go get professional help to deal with grief. Now and after your partner is gone.
There is an organisation called SOLAS plus other kinds of support groups for what you are going through.
Seek the support and answers there.
We are all arm chair advisors here , though I am sure there are plenty of qualified people who are on RHP its better to get advice off-line, for something so important.
But I do know of one woman on here who has been through what your going through and I am sure she will post to your thread and I hope it helps.
You can always meet women of this site that you can develop a support network with , I have made some great female friends that I meet off-line
Your a lovely women, your alive and your in a difficult situation and your not selfish to want something for yourself.
Red has it pretty much right and most diseases have support groups that provide semi professional help and support networks.
If you know what disease it it is look up the local support and they will give you the numbers of grief cousellors.
of yourself ,and your emotional and physical needs.Maybe why this is such a dilemma for you is ,because you are married, the conventional view would be that you should remain faithful to your husband.
What does your husband expect of you?How close is your relationship?I am guessing that the reason you are here, is because there is no longer any intimacy between you and that is what you are craving.
If you make a decision to find a person to satisfy your sexual needs be very sure that is what you want to do.If you don't, then guilt will definitely get in the way.If you are seeking more from another relationship than sex, then that will bring it's own complications,waiting for someone's partner to die is not a choice most people would choose to make and you will become torn by competing needs,the new lover and your comittment to your husband.
I believe that there are many different permutations of relationships,you need to work out what is going to suit you and your wants and needs.
Perhaps for now, surround yourself with loving friends,people who know and understand what you are going through.
Find an excellent counsellor,if you haven't already,someone you can trust and who is not judgemental.
I hope you find your path Ally,and in spite of all the grief and pain,may you experience passion and joy again.
x Hugs H
My mother lost my father to cancer when she was around your age! Did her life go on? You betcha it did! She was dating within a year of his death (which is huge for an Italian) and finally met the love of her life through advertising in the paper for a date lol. She wasn't going to meet him when the time came as she had met some creeps and I am so glad that I talked her into it as she had 14 wonderful years with my Step Father and they were married for 12! Unfortunately my Step Father had Motor Neurone and therefore he left us in August last year from suicide as he could not bear to put my mother through the pain of watching him waste away and to have to care for him 24/7! While my mother may not date again (she is now in her 70's) life has gone on. She has just got back from a great trip to Europe and has now come back refreshed and is finally putting the house on the market!
Are you being selfish? Hell no! I remember my father on his death bed so many years ago say to my mother "I want you to not cry and to go out and find a man and be happy"...This is how most people that are passing feel. They don't want you to stop your life at all. Life is for living....enjoy it!
There is a girl that I know who is going through what you are going through at the moment and with his blessings she attends parties and has sex with other men and women! At first she felt guilty but she saw the happiness that it brings him when she is enjoying herself! She loves him to death and has the best marriage and husband that I have ever known of! I am sure your husband would want you to be happy and out there doing things that you enjoy..whether they be travelling or socially or sexually! Guilt is a hard emotion...the opposite of Love is Fear and Guilt!
Hugs and Thoughts...xFunlovingx
But of course the friggin internet crashed didn't it ?.... gggrrrrr
So I will just quote my good friend Hesione
Perhaps for now, surround yourself with loving friends,people who know and understand what you are going through
and Hesione is rite (as she is wise) .....
As you know OP, we know each other offline.........and we are both very aware of each others stories and Im very aware of all that you are currently enduring.
....as you know I lost my husband in 2001 and Im still here...I survived..its just different....
I wont write all that I did previously - obviously Im not meant to post it and Im not going to say anything new that I havent already said to you.. ......so I will write this
I love you Aly
My job as your friend is to be here for you..when you are ready ............and only when you are ready...you know my number...and you know I will be there !!! :)
And btw you owe me a homecook meal !!!
Oh Funlovin x .. this is what my husband has..MND. I can't tell you the pain of seeing a capable and proud man being reduced to a baby like status. He has voiced thoughts of ending it already as he loses more and more. It's heartbreaking...
I feel like such a coward...one half of me wants to run away whilst the other, stays stoic and prepared to see it out to the bitter end.
Thank you so much to those who have spoken...It's hardly the place I know for such a discussion - but I am writing from such a dark and terrifying place, that thoughts of propriety are far from my mind. Although they are only 'words on a page' .. hearing from others 'helps'.. I don't know...just to feel not quite so alone.
Velvet .. you are a beautiful woman and once we are back in town, yes.. I will be in contact and dinner is a done deal - I know you understand this 'situation'.. only too well.
you have been in my thoughts frequently and you know I am an ear.... didn't hear back from you last time... so thought you will make contact when you want to talk again....
You can have all the advice in the world... but you will do in the end what you think is right...
Just know your family and friends are there... and the true ones will be beyond... you will know who will be still standing
take care xxxx