I get a lot of men saying to me, “So will we have sex when we meet?”
Why they ask it is beyond me, I guess they want a guarantee that they do not waste their time with having to talk over coffee all for nothing.
I live about hours drive from the big smoke, its a straight line on the Free way but I can understand for some poor fell with dick in hand that it could be quiet a hike. Let alone the cost of fuel, (depending on the car) it may even peek at ten bucks round trip. Then there is the cost of the coffee but I do go Dutch so that could be 4.50.
Total that its nearly a whole 15 Dollars! far enough I think they should be guaranteed a root.
I will work out said document so please feel free to add any clause you like.
I guarantee that I will turn up in stockings and ten inch heels, and no panties. This is despite the heat wave at the time, and the fact that the heels are so high my nose bleeds. I do not mind taking the risk of slipping over and showing my nether regions ,to all and sundry after all I live in a holiday town so they expect a bit of entertainment. I shall however yell out to the mums and dads with ice cream licking kids in tow to avert their eyes as I do my best laurel and hardy slip on a banana.
I guarantee you can plug up my arse hole, that has never had the privilege of a cock in it for you,
just cause your spesh, and I want you to rip me a new one.
I guarantee you can cum on my face, my tits my pussy and the curtains if that takes your fancy.
I guaranteed that after you are finished and and say do you have a girlfriend, that I will dash next door and get my neighbour who is has never gone past the missionary position and will convince her to fuck you and me and the parrot you bought with you.
I think ladies and gentlemen this legal document needs a few more clauses in here.
Ya Think?
You are funny
.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, you ask -
"Why do you want to know?"
I do not flirt, and do not advertise unless I am going to deliver the goods. I have an add in the paper for my photography work and get a lot of men asking me if I will be nude when I take the pictures.
I say sure , if you want to loose your hard on I am your girl.
Some call and say baby come over now, and I say sure just let me get my zimmer frame, and I am bit tired cause my girlfriends and I drank to much sherry at my 70th birthday bash last night. I am a bit sad as my friend Mavis fell and broke her hip, but I did warn her about naked twister at her age.
Relationship? I cant even grow a plant let alone one of those.
My panties belonged to Bridget Jones :)
My purse has moths in it
I want you bad, Stalky sexy monster. I get a moist on just reading your posts. ( shit I just flirted)
Looks like I have to read flirting 101 again right after I thumb through shagging 101 and positions you should not get into after you turn 50. Kindle readers are soooo coool.
...even with all that stuff, where's the guarantee that you won't be a dud root anyway?
|
.....it does happen.
I can guarantee that!
Its down the bottom of the contract
see have a look
Section 69) the Star Fish Clause.
it says ...... and further more....... and.......
see its in the small print.
I think there is a Midnight amendment: where you do all the hard work, to wake up said dud root, and turn a dry sows ear into a wet silk purse.
Egads woman your right! its slim pickings at the old folks home, and with one finger typing and not being able to see the screen it takes so long just to write me. Those old blokes need to know that they can take the blue pill with the prune juice so they can cum and go at the same time.
I think I will have to go younger, bugger now I have to take lovers under 25...sigh! Just to be on the safe side so they do not die on my nest.
...now why didn't I think of that, Chilli? That almost guarantees that we'll have fun...well, I will anyway. As for the psycho ex's....they don't worry me much at all, seems a lot of ladies have them...just wonder what in the hell makes them all that way? Maybe there should be an island set aside for them....you know, just Exile them along with their female counterparts. Christ just imagine what the next generation will look like on the island.
Oh well, maybe somebody will push them down the stairs when they are leaving church...their parole officers usually insist that they "find god" or some other excuse for the way they act.
......ropes, the "no guarantee" guarantee.
Hehe...Welll at the end of the day.. (Or should that be time?) at least you will end up with a "stiff" of some sort!
Have a good 'un!
I also am still chuckling. too much to type properly and get out the "guarantee". What a top thread TR. There is always the guarantee if you now go for the under 25's that they could get a thick ear if they are a dud, *looks back at* CM and TR.