Sex without emotion? Can you do that? It must be pretty ordinary! Even with a random hook up you can get some emotionally stirring good vibes out of a sexual encounter. That last fleeting snuggle before you both come to your senses and recognize the person you're with is a total stranger. :p But a regular fb? Now that leads to expectations... which, if not met, cause you to feel unhappy. negative vibes. Someone is always (ultimately) disappointed. Hugs Stalky

I personally think it has more to do with the mind set that you enter your liaison.  If you are lonely and are meeting people to fulfill this need then you are at a higher risk of being used.  However, if you can take a step back and look at this as experiencing new things than you can use any new encounter as a step toward finding a life partner or partners. 

Your question is about trying to distance yourself from emotional sex but what you need to do is embrace the right emotion going into the encounter, not is he the one, but is this a step to finding the one.

Emotion is such a strong word, I prefer to have sex with someone who I have some chemistry with, I like their smile, or their body or their voice there needs to be something there.

 

I have had sex with someone that I didnt fancy and  I found it very clinical yes I orgasmed several times, but it was like going through the motions.

 

I suppose it really is a very personal thing, Stalky if your ever up this way, I think we could have some fun and a snuggle afterwards.

 

Hugs

Meggy

I'm with him.

I'm a huge fan of tag and release.

Of course i get emotional...dreadfully fond....deeply in lust....even....gasp....the F word! Yes! Friends, heaven help me I have made friends of my lovers!!! Meep! Never thought it would come to that.

People don't realise that THEY actually have control over their emotions if they choose to.

I am dreadfully fond of a lover/friend of mine and could quite easily fall in love with him .......if i allowed it.

But, I'm just out of a 15 year marriage/relationship, he is also separated and frankly staking a claim to anything except the WHOLE bed and ALL of the hanging space and the shoe space is out for me...that would be just stooooopid!

Believe it or not, you control your emotions, they don't control you and when they do we have the tail wagging the doc and that always ends badly. I actually "allowed" myself to fall in love with my hubby when i met him.  There came a point where i allowed the love, i felt it but kept it under control to a point that i could walk away any time and not stake a claim. When it felt right and safe to do so,I allowed myself to love him. Well, that was 15 years ago and now although we are not together we are thinking of getting appartments in the same complex. He's adorable, i love him, i always will but he shits me to tears and i offer the same service to him......not in the same house is good

leave the emotion in the bedroom.

Let's face it good sex and emotion encompasses each other.

it's all about detachment. l feel the emotion when there has been a disaster in someones life though l am detatched so it doesn't effect me in so far.....

Just my opinion

...but they make miserable masters.  There is nothing at all wrong with being emotionally available and yes, even men are capable of that if they want to be and you allow them the privilege.  Many simply choose not to be...even on the level of being a true friend, much is the pity as you can love your friends and hold them in the circle of those that you will want to keep in your life forever.

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Was your Freudian slip showing there,GG...I hope you really don't doc the puppies tail? What were John Bobbitts first words to his wife after she sliced him and he had it surgically reattached? Lorenna...that's not what I meant when I asked for a trial separation!

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Love is not a singular emotion but the compilation of many...and rests on a fulcrum so delicately balanced that a thought that would weigh less than a grain of sand can tip it one way or the other.

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We always find...what we are truly seeking. 

Stalky I will fuck your arse with plenty emotion ... Promise. :p

I have met people through RHP, men and women, some I have bonked, some I want to continue bonking, & some others that I plan to bonk. I have regular contact with most of those people, some every other week and some almost every day. Do I love them? I suppose, don't know but I do know that I care about them and if they ever needed anything they could ring me anytime I would try help in anyway I can. They are good friends ... Who I like to fuck. :-)

For me to have good sex there has to be chemistry between us, a good sexual attraction, or I just have to be damn horny on the day. LOL. If that isn't there the sex is boring or just plain bad and I don't go back for seconds. 

Sorry, really blabbering this morning. To answer the question, no I don't need emotion for good sex and I don't feel used when I have sex with people and it's a one off.  Although, I assume by emotion you mean feelings of friendship, or love or fondness of the other person, not sexual chemistry which you can feel with a complete stranger.

Xx

Meeka

Did I even answer the question then? I think my starting point is different to yours Cupcake. I kinda bonk people first then ask questions later. Therefore I rarely have an emotional interest in the person first up. That probably says something about me .. But I hate to self-analyse. :D

We play as a couple, the emotional bond is between us,  it's just sex with the other couple.  But we do  appreciate and respect our parters.  We don't play with just anyone.

 

 

“If any women have found the solution, please let me know”

this is my solution

I love one man, always have always will. I am a swan I mate for life, even though I am divorced.

but

I have sex with other men and I have no attachments to them at all.

I can separate my heart ,mind and soul from my lust it works wonderfully for my needs.

Each person is different, it comes to emotions

In all fairness men also become attached , it happens

The irony is hon the less you care the more they want it, stuffed if I can figure out that one.

The reason I can separate these parts of me, is that all my other needs are taken care off. I surround myself with people I love and who love me.

Its not the emotion so much its attachment, that causes problems for all humans.

Agree mmmmhot. :)

I'm with you Kate... detest NSA and the whole concept.  I am a woman, I have a woman's makeup.  If I could be dispassionate  about it (sex)... I would become a hooker.  If I am going to fuck without some emotional content - I might as well be paid for it.  As it is, I am a warm, loving, funny, generous, tender and beautiful person who deserves to have at least a modicum of care shown back to me in return by a would be lover.    Not settling for less... unless you want to tempt me with a handful of crisp $100 notes and you supply your own condoms .

Recently hooked up with a very loving guy from this site, he said all the right words and the sex was out of this world. Thought this guy might be the one but after a few dates he decided he needed some time apart to get things straight in his head. His loss yes I know but I am totally smitten and cant stop thinking about him !!!

I also usually have sex with someone pretty quickly but if I see the person more than once (which is generally the case) my emotions will get mixed up in it all.... Someone once said about me that "I fall hard for people but fall apart even harder".... Dunno what this says about me lol...

With everything put together that everyone has said its an opinion and mine alone " but I sure dont have sex with anyone I'm not attracted to"  with that being the case, a slight emotion has already been brought to the mix. Its best to know this part and what you what to do with it then.

Recently I was with someone and at first didnt think I could handle it, but things were ok, then something was said about another etc. My emotion at that point kicked in so Game Over for me.

 

He doesnt understand that and I'm not into denying him his own, so I let go. By the way he made his directions clear and I was good with that, but if it became to much I took responsibility for me and what his requests were.

 

Ouch little bit sore but it was a nice time     

hey how do i unlock my account?? only new to site and wont let me private message any says its locked??

I agree with what Chilli has said! I share this view in its entirety. Thankyou for managing to articulate this so clearly. If I had have tried, we all know I wouldn't have done it as succinctly as you have

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Flirty x

We are not all like that Chilli, not all of us have this desire to only be with one other person or in committed relationships. Not at all. And why have you placed so much importance on sex? Who says we are supposed to only have sex with one other person and it has to be someone you are in a committed relationship with? Who decided that? You know in some cultures sex is considered something you share with friends.

Look, I understand that is what you are after at the moment however this too could be a "phase" you are going through. Who is to say that you will always feel this way? Personally I think you are placing far too much importance on sex. I know most of my friends do... I think one day alot of women will wake up and think. Why the hell did I waste all those years not getting any, waiting for Prince Charming or the one? I include myself in this too. We were all taught as little girls that this is what we should do... and I have come to the grand conclusion that it's complete bollocks.

And yes, seeing someone on a more regular basis can lead to expectations, but you know what. It doesn't always.
You can have connections with people, friendships with people... it doesn't always have to lead to something serious. Just enjoy what you have without always worrying about what is going to happen next... or what you think should happen next. Enjoy a friendship for what it is.

Cupcake, your question sounded like a number of men have bullshitted you to get into your pants by telling you that they wanted more, when in fact they only wanted a one night stand. That sucks and I would feel upset by this too... nobody likes to be lied to. In my experience, limited as it is, I don't get attached to people because I have sex with them... I get attached to people when I get to know them.

I don't know, maybe you will all tell me that I don't put enough importance on sex.

xx
Meeka