How do you bring up RHP with your partner?

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How do you bring up RHP with your partner?

Jun 12, 2012
lookin2find
Ok first post,

I'm married (30 odd and being together since teenagers) and I've  been on here for a while (have had no interest in contacting anyone, i just enjoy reading the forums and sex secrets to understand different perspectives - probably get flamed down for that but anyway...)

Anyway, the other night my Wife and I decided to play one of those "truth or dare" iphone apps, after going through a few dares we soon discovered it had more of a group orientation. A conversation around this happened and my Wife said that if i wanted to have a threesome she would if i could find the girl. She said she wanted it to be with another girl and not a guy as it is every guys fantasy to be with two girls (now i'm not one to disagree). So the question now is, should i bring up with her RHP and how to have that conversation? I'd really only want to post as a couples profile...

We also discussed boundaries and she said she would do everything bar go down on the other girl, does this indicate she is bi-curious or just eager to please? This wasn't something i'd expected of her as i'd be happy with a straight threesome but she indicated that girls are brought up with that being acceptable.

Appreciate any insight?
threesomewife
Jun 12, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Saturn65   Couple Man 44yrs Woman 45yrs

Well..

I just googled swingers ( I think from memory) and voila'..First site that came up!

The hard part is out of the way OP you have opened  the door..now just open up a bottle of wine and sit your lovely lady on your lap and peruse all the pretty pics!
Jun 12, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
ApolloThirteen   Woman 42yrs

Opps....

I think you've gone about it all the wrong way.  You should have been honest with her an told her from day 1 that you were on here.  If you had nothing to hide from her - why hide the fact that you're registered here?? 

To me it indicates that she's not interested in women.  If she's not going to participate with the other female what's the point?

I think you might find she's goes nut-shit when she finds out you've been on here without her knowledge..... I reckon that'll be all future hope of a couples profile on here out the window.
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mikeandshel   Couple Man 50yrs Woman 52yrs

agree

we agree with ApolloThirteen....the opportunity for honesty has gone...it shouldve been there from the beginning.
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Meeka100   Woman 42yrs

:D

Just say you heard about his site through a friend and you joined up to see what it was about and that you have found the forum interesting. Is she interested in having a look. Sounds like she might be okay with that :)
Mind you she might see this topic which won't be good.
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Saturn65   Couple Man 44yrs Woman 45yrs

lol...

now you've all made me sound like a heathen!!! Too late horse has bolted he's not done anything wrong by reading the forums gees
Jun 12, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
coodi_yowie

hindsight is a wonderful thing people...

yes, maybe he should have told her before joining up, however the reality is, that he didn't!
if only we could turn back time... 
to answer your questions... yep, why not tell her about rhp... especially if your going to continue to use the site, or your wanting to play out this fantasy.  If you've been honest with your intentions on the site, express that to her... how you do it is up to you, i'm sure you'll pick the right time and angle. Hopefully she's the understanding type or at least willing to listen. *smiles*.... and good luck with that one

to me your partner sounds at least curious with the same sex, you might find a lady that's happy to go down on her and not receive the same back... 
but just remember, if the potential lady playmate involved is 'straight'... that means you have to entertain both woman.
hopefully your a good juggler

 
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MistressT   Woman 46yrs

Simple solution

Delete this profile and make another one with another name. Delete history on your browser. Tell her you registered to check the site to see if it was suitable to your needs to find a third for your threesome. Ask her to join you to see what she thinks. Sit down with your wonderful lady and peruse the pics. Suggest to her that she help to make a couples profile. Hope she doesn't see this thread (or wait a week or two for it to disappear to another page).
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coodi_yowie

brilliant...

Quoting 'MistressT'
    Delete this profile and make another one with another name. Delete history on your browser. Tell her you registered to check the site to see if it was suitable to your needs to find a third for your threesome. Ask her to join you to see what she thinks. Sit down with your wonderful lady and peruse the pics. Suggest to her that she help to make a couples profile. Hope she doesn't see this thread (or wait a week or two for it to disappear to another page).    
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RandomAgent   Man 33yrs

Pants on Fire

Come clean.

Confess that you were curious and stimulated finding out about the way people of this mindset think, and that's why you read the forums. Show her your membership. Don't hide anything or lie, ffs! After all, you're only on here due to curiosity. I'm sure you don't tell her every time you surf porn, nor should she want to know or care, unless she's a little insecure.

RHP is a fantastic way to tell your insecurities to go fuck themselves.

Definitely AGREE you need to make her part of the process. Just because she said "you find a girl I'll help you fuck her" doesn't necessarily mean that is what you should do.

Just make sure you let her reclaim you afterwards. Its all about the attention.

RA

P.S. I talked about fooling around with my ex one time. She said she was super keen, so I surprised her with a couple's profile I'd made. She was shocked, and excited, and we surfed around happily for a few hours. Then i messaged a bunch of cute girls, hoping to boost my girl's self image by showing her all the hot chicks that wanted to fuck her.

Yeah don't do that...
Jun 12, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
brave__heart

yes ...

Quoting 'Saturn65'
now you've all made me sound like a heathen!!! Too late horse has bolted he's not done anything wrong by reading the forums gees

I agree with you Saturn, and I'm not sure there's much place for self-righteousness or sanctimony on here, to be honest. 

 

Since when did being in a relationship equate to not being entitled to develop as an individual? Reading the forums and sex secrets is akin to reading erotica. Is that something he should have 'confessed' too. Is he not entitled to learn, explore in his mind, uncover aspects of himself and get comfortable with those, before having to reveal the whole thing to his partner, if he has to reveal it at all?!

 

To the OP, I agree that now your partner has opened the door, you could sit down with her, Google swingers and go exploring together. A note of caution - swinging can be fraught and has ended many a solid relationship. Tread carefully, and maybe agree on some ground rules, so things don't get out of hand.

 

Good luck! Have fun xxx

 

 

 

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multiples_xxx   Woman 31yrs

hmmmmm..Not bi-curious... A partner pleaser- You may both have heaps of fun still- and she may become more interested ;)

I would fess up and try and move passed it after all you have been together since teens :)

But I see no problem erring on the side of caution and starting afresh- you have not done anything wrong-

Bar set it up in not the ideal way.....but hey you didn't know she was interested so she is not being totally open with communication either ;) their is always room for improvement from now on :).

I would request this thread be deleted- they probably will and if not then I would regularly post inappropriate nonsense to have it blocked :)

Cass xxx
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Handmaiden   Woman 50yrs

Yep

Quoting 'MistressT'
Delete this profile and make another one with another name. Delete history on your browser. Tell her you registered to check the site to see if it was suitable to your needs to find a third for your threesome. Ask her to join you to see what she thinks. Sit down with your wonderful lady and peruse the pics. Suggest to her that she help to make a couples profile. Hope she doesn't see this thread (or wait a week or two for it to disappear to another page).


Just what I was going to say.

Aint hindsight a wonderful thing?

Dontcha just love it when all the sancitmonious, holier-than-thou, I-never-lie or cheat brigade condemn? Boy it would be so wonderful to be that damn perfect.

Careful folks....some ones halo's will slip and it wont be "Slipperies"

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mikeandshel   Couple Man 50yrs Woman 52yrs

hmmm...

simple hey? cover one deception with another....all good if it works, but disaster if it ever comes out
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Smilingwithfun   Man 53yrs

Honesty

Nothing like opening Pandora's Box. Tell her, not tell about being on here. Perhaps the way out & not place your honesty on trial, is to try another avenue rather than RHP straight away. Why not go to a swingers club as your first move. This would remove any feelings in regards to you having been on here. Just a thought.
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mikeandshel   Couple Man 50yrs Woman 52yrs

lol

if deleting the profile and thread is the way you go..... come back and play with yr gal.........its much nicer not to have to hide anything from your partner....and makes for a much more pleasurable experience
Jun 12, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
ApolloThirteen   Woman 42yrs

Lessons in dishonesty...

That saddens me. 

I don't see anyone as being self-righteous.  He asked for opinions - of course he's going to get a licorice shop of them!
Including those (like me) that think his intentions have been less than honourable.

But..... Opinions are like ass-holes.... Everyone has one!
Jun 12, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Bahleeted1

Bah

Not wanting to go down on a woman doesn't make someone not bi-curious.  I have no desire to have a woman go down on me, but I love doing it.  Some people are just tops, and others are just bottoms, and that's the way it goes.

MistressT offered best advise though and I agree with her, delete this profile, bring it up and open a new one together. Don't focus so much on "must find a girl" though, just explore together, let  her control stuff.
Jun 12, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
MistressT   Woman 46yrs

Turn it around

For those that are perfect and have never covered up anything in their whole life, please tell me what would be the purpose in telling the lady that he was already on the site, had put up this post and was possibly contemplating going down another path?? Would you understand if your partner had done that?

His wife sounds like she wants to do something to please him. Why slap her down with brutally raw honesty?? If he does as I suggest then he is telling the truth anyway. He would be creating a new profile with the intention of checking it out to see if there is anyone suitable. I agree that it isn't the whole truth but can you say that you have never not told anyone about something?

Can you honestly tell me that you would want to know that your current partner had thoughts of cheating?? Even though they did nothing but think about it??

In my original reply I decided to put any judgement aside and overlook whatever the OP's original intentions were and answer his query as simply and succinctly as I could. Before I answered I also turned the situation around and asked myself if I would want to know if I was the lady involved. The answer is no, I would not want to know, assuming of course that he had done as he said and not met anybody.

To Coodi and Handmaiden - thank you for your comments and I think you understand that some things are better left unsaid.

To the judgemental - take a hike or find a mirror. The man asked for advice and I gave it.
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Jay_Me  

Man 52yrs

Yes' Bi Curious....

No one agree's to play with the same sex if theres no desire..    As a straight guy who has no inclination for MM.. I can understand 2 females wanting to get together.  Females are soft and nice and have all them interesting things to explore..  The only thing I dont agree with is your wife asked you to do the finding by yourself.. I think you should explore the possibilities together..  Just my take on things...    Jay..
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Fun_2_gether

30 years ago...

maybe that conversation should have taken place a long time ago if you are on rhp and she is curious about other women...

perhaps she already has a profile on here...
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