How do u get past the fear than the man ur meeting will want to run the other direction?

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How do u get past the fear than the man ur meeting will want to run the other...

Jul 08, 2012
sweetnsexygal   Woman 45yrs

Fairly new back to the Singles scene, and whilst I consider myself (and am told) fairly attractive with a figure most women in their forties would be happy with, I always struggle with the fear that the Fellas I organise to meet are going to think " Oh no..Is that HER!", lol.

I'm intelligent, can hold a conversation... and if not, my chest seems to keep mens' attention, lol.... yet I seem to stop myself meeting anyone new because of ths fear?

Is it natural? I've been in a long term relationship prior to becoing single and whilst its' all exciting, explolring my boundaries, the thought of getting to that point and the whole being naked in fromt of new men terrifies me sometimes! How do I get past this feeling?

Jul 09, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
missopenminded

It's all about confidence

It sounds like you may be lacking some confidence in yourself, did you ever stop to think that hang on YOU have the choice and instead of fearing what this guy is going to think why not turn it around and think to yourself it's upto you whether you like him or not! ask yourself FIRST before wondering if your going to please them or not

perhaps you developed this fear from a bad run in men and uve picked the wrong ones in the past..
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ApolloThirteen   Woman 42yrs

Don't get why it's a problem?

Shouldn't be an issue if your photos are you, and are recent (and not photoshopped professional glamour portraits).  The gents can see what you look like and have already agreed to meet up based on your photos.    If you're using photos they don't exactly represent what you look like in person - then you could be in trouble!!
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Mr_Outdoors   Man 43yrs

Hi Sweet

Men will generally have as many insecurities as you do, don't sweat it. Just be yourself, smile and enjoy and if a guy finds you're not what he is after then no big deal. Only a real cockhead is going to be impolite or do a runner so if one does you'v dodged a bullet because you wouldn't want to spend time with him anyway. Just remember to do things on your terms.
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tuscanred  

Woman 60yrs

Honey

 

Women are so hard on themselves. Some men like us lush and curved , some like us thin some love big bushes of pubs

Men have a variety of taste and when they are hard they tend not to see your lumps or bumps , what the do see is your pleasure in what they give you.

 

Lusty confident women turn men on, Men tend not to notice the details of your saggy tits or what other flaws you think you have.

 

Pin your ears back and enjoy, but a word of caution

 

For a lot of men its just pure animal sex, if your vulnerable or think something else my come of it then do not think RHP will get you a man

 

It may, but that is rare

 

It will get you laid and as many times as you like.

It can make you feel good about yourself, very sexy and desired.

but

 

It can also make you feel less of a woman if you can,t deal with me fucking you and then not talking to you again, or getting you to suck their cock and then zipping up. It comes with the territory.

 

A hard dick is like a charging Rhino, it cant see to much

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tuscanred  

Woman 60yrs

lol

re Pubic Hair or Pubs just depends on the mood...............spell check is my friend if I use the darn thing!
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Hesione

but

Aslightly dangerous practice to show your pubic hair in pubs,all those beer goggles Tuscan,charging rhinos aint got nothin on what would happen to her then...although it might be ok if it was just one man and he was under the table ...might be quite erotic really...always quite liked the idea of thatx Hesione commando
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Dark_Moon_Lilith

Just go with it

Tuscan Red, brilliant as ever, I agree wiht the ladies above.

 

You just have to love yourself and then getting laid is easy.

 

There's being careful and thoughtful mand then there is overcompicating it. Somewhere in between is about right.

 

And just be aware that guys here think you are a super model when they first message you and then if you reject them they can at times tell you all sorts of things to deflect their insecurities about themselves onto you....What out for those ones, just had once of those nitwits who is new to the site and wants to "Collar" his women folk off this site, loved me up til I said no, and reminded him I have my own property, then suddenly I was ugly.

 

Here as with everyhwere else in society you will find the good, the bad and the down right insecure....

 

So, enjoy. And learn to use that litle button called "Block" so to avoid becoming defleated when your polite decline gets fireballs in retaliation.

 

 

 

 

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tuscanred  

Woman 60yrs

Under the table

Quoting 'Hesione'
Aslightly dangerous practice to show your pubic hair in pubs,all those beer goggles Tuscan,charging rhinos aint got nothin on what would happen to her then...although it might be ok if it was just one man and he was under the table ...might be quite erotic really...always quite liked the idea of thatx Hesione commando


Yeah a long table cloth

A man down under

 

Its dinner at the Y

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Look_For_You

Just be confident

You have to make a choice (an affirmation if you will) to take the next step and actually go and meet them, it's your fail safes in your head (not that I'm saying your a crackpot or anything) giving you a million reason not too proceed ... just be confident in yourself.
Your thinking there's something wrong with you when there isn't, your not a lady fairy new to the singles scene or a lady who was in a prior long term relationship your an attractive 44 yr woman wanting to meet people ... anyway if they run the other way just hit up someone else where you are you actually have a great pick up line .... " Hi" "My date ran away when they saw me" .... "I was planing too bang them tonight" ... "Care for a drink"
that'll work
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xFunlovingx  

Woman 52yrs

The real question is....

Do you send them a recent pic of yourself or cam before you meet to see what each other looks like? If you have given them access to either...then I don't see the problem! They are wanting to meet you knowing what you look like!

If you are sending old pics, then, I would say that honesty is the best policy and no wonder you feel nervous!

Hugs...xFunlovingx

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sapling

Re:self confidence

Strangely enough, self confidence (without tipping over into arrogance - humour is the difference in my opinion) is very, very attractive. Fake it until you make it - viz. of course this person will find me attractive, because I am.
This is often very hard to institute if you have emerged, battered and bruised, from a controlling relationship, where the put down is your norm. Eventually, if you find people warming to you quickly at a meeting, the "make it" part will come.
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sapling

Getting naked

Ahhhhhhh hahahahaha. Remember this well - believe it or not, men have the same problems when first starting dating
Imagine you are about to get up on the dance floor. Thinking that you really don't want to be first, because everybody else will be watching you and maybe laughing at your dance moves.
Think about it. Everybody has exactly the same fears. EXACTLY! This realisation is quite liberating.
Men have a special measuring device that lets you know if they appreciate what they are seeing. Pay close attention to the measuring device, lavish attention upon it and it may even appreciate you even more
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Otori  

Couple Man 30yrs Woman 30yrs

Try a little perspective change

Think of meeting someone new as meeting a new friend instead of a potential hook-up/relationship or whatever.  Go out for coffee/drinks/dinner etc as if you are going out with a mate. When I was single, I used to go for coffee/drinks at a laid-back place in the afternoon, close to restaurants/bars so if you clicked you could extend it to dinner (or more :P).  I'd wear something I felt sexy in (but that wasn't too revealing) so I felt comfortable and just enjoyed the new company.  Not all the people you meet will "click" with you and that's ok, accept the fact that it could take a few people before finding someone who's the right fit (whether it's a casual thing or more serious).  I found that really helped with my confidence because it took a lot of the perceived pressure off and allowed me to enjoy myself (and a woman having fun is sexy!).  It worked for me anyways :)
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sweetnsexygal   Woman 45yrs

Wow! U guys have really helped!

I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who contributed a thought or piece of advice on my Topic!

It has been wonderful to read ur thoughts and I feel I now understand that I HAVE in fact been VERY hard on myself in the past.

I guess being that I'm now in my forties and not exactly feeling the most confident about that fact in itself, I fell into the trap of expecting rejection everywhere I went. That is now OVER, thanks to you guys, so a BIG PAT ON THE BACK to you all from me.

Yes. my profile pics are really me, taken within the last couple of months, and  not photoshopped, (don't see the point) lol.

MissOpenMinded, you are certainly one altogether lady at just 24, thank you so much.

Woohoo! I'm gonna like me from now on, lol xxx

Jul 09, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post

talk on the phone or skype

you get a fair bit about people from they way they chat to you. 

do it a few times over a week or so.  build a little tension and expectation..

if they are not this patient, you've just filtered out a zero.  move on to the next.  there's plenty to go around..

talk about normal stuff as well as some sexy stuff.  this will give you a feel for the other person.

after this appearances mean a lot less.

besides, no one i've ever met looked anything like i expected after seeing their pictures..  LOL


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MsVelvetblue

Well I just got shot down

Hate to rain on anyones parade, but I totally can relate to where the OPs head is at...although Im glad to see shes had a great rethink thanks to the lovely supportive posts she has received...you go girl !!!

 

But rejection still hurts..especially when you dont understand it..

 

Ive been chatting to a lovely guy over the last few days..he sounded perfect and wonderful...ticking all the boxes..all was great..

 

Tonite he asked would I like to meet up for a drink..I said yes...he said shall we exchange pics or shall we just meet up...?

 

..now anyone looking at my profile will see theres a great deal of me on there pic wise.....its not like theres any big surprise....and I am totally honest in my profile...and my pics are only 6 months old (thanks Tuscan Red)

 

..I said sure heres access to my PG - meanwhile he has no photo on his profile nor did he offer to open up his PG... but I was quite taken with all that he wrote...I can see beyond the physical ..Im pretty sure Im the only person in the world that can !!!

 

So 20 minutes ticks by and no reply to my message after I opened up PG  for him......so I messaged him again "Ah is that a renege on the drink offer ? "( I wanted to know whether to go home  and get ready or alternatively hit the gym which was my original destination..

 

He took a while to respond and he replied...No  that he didnt think I was rite for him...having said that  he was  very polite which I appreciated.. and I do not fault him in any shape or form...

 

but hang on...I was purely judged on my looks but lets face it, most of me appears on my profile...??? go figure...now dont get me wrong had we met for a drink and there was no connection...I could fully  understand it and no problemo,  but Im buggered if I understand, mega connection over several days,  most of my pic showing and Im totally honest on my profile and  his been messaging me for days  with future plans of us going to the footy and going down south for rides on his motobike

 

Can someone please enlighten me, cause  Im obviously not getting it...was I played and too stupid to know ??

 

 

Oh well

 

Looks like a DVD and pack of Lindt White Choc balls for me tonite....:(

 

 

 

 

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jensman1903   Man 49yrs

If you've been out of the game for a long while,

...it could be that your previous experience was with young men, boys really. Boys just want the trophy girlfriend to brag about and show off. It's all about the look. They don't really even want to talk and it's just as well because those little tarts are usually air heads. You'll find that a man is past that and would prefer to be with a real woman.
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ApolloThirteen   Woman 42yrs

.

That sucks for you Velvet.  And it's why I never exchange more than 2 messages without seeing the gents PG and without showing him mine. I will say though that I'm a looks kinda girl and if I don't find the person physically attractive, it doesn't matter how great their personality is, or what the connection is like - it will never develop into more than a friendship.
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Hesione

sooo much better

to know now Miss Velvet than to meet and its....blahhhh...still rejection is awful,I feel for you but as they say in the forums NEXT,and poor fool he missed out on fabulous youx Hugs H
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Look_For_You

Think of it as his missed opportunity

Did he give you a reason why he didn't think you were right for him, if not than maybe its was him ... maybe he freaked out when you agreed to meet. We all look for the good in people and assume that when it doesn't work out that the bad is in us. Go enjoy your DVD and Lindt White Choc balls ... at least your getting some balls tonight

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