Herpes

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Herpes

Jan 18, 2012
ToyWithMe   Man 39yrs
My girlfriend and I are starting to take the first few steps into the swinging scene but we are a little concerned about the health risks involved.  Obviously we would use condoms for sex.  We would probably use condoms for blowjobs as well, though I get the impression it's not unusual for people to go natural for that.  For cunnilingus I know there are dental dams available, but I've never heard of anyone actually using them and I reckon we would probably be laughed at if we suggested it.  And then there's handjobs - as ridiculous as it sounds to catch an STI from a handjob, the reading I have done suggests it is possible (syphilis and herpes).

Using genital herpes (HSV-2) as an example, many people may not even realise they have it.  Herpes is spread by skin to skin contact - not through bodily fluids - and it has no cure.  It is very contagious when an infected person is "shedding" - that is, they have a sore or spot that will develop into a sore that is excreting the virus.  A reliable source says that contact with an area of shedding has a 75% transmission risk!!  Those that do have it may not recognise the times when they are contagious (you can be contagious without having visible sores), and some people are contagious without having any symptoms at all.  A woman who stokes the infected areas of a contagious person can get the virus on her hands and further touching of herself or other people can spread it - though I'm sure the risk of transmission this way is very low.  Condoms are not foolproof either as they only cover the penis, whereas the virus can be spread from all around the groin.

Given that people active in the swing scene likely have many play partners over the years, are infections like herpes quite common?  Do you think about things like that when you play, or do you block the risks from your mind so as not to spoil the mood?  Do you know people in the scene who have herpes?  Do you know if they tell all partners about their condition, or do they simply abstain when they are showing symptoms and then shut up about it when they don't think they are contagious?  If someone warned you that they have herpes but don't currently have any sores, would you still play with them?
Jan 18, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Stalky

"the talk"

Herpes is a big risk. People have it and do not know that they do... and yes, simply touch it and you can transfer it.... and it is not as uncommon as some might think.

You're right, very few people use condoms or dental dams for oral sex. The only safe sex is monogamous sex, or none at all. I know people who have herpes. I also know people who love to play with rubber gloves and do not actually do oral. If someone tells me that they have herpes, I will have a chat and a giggle, but not sex.

The facts are simple... it is your responsibility to look after your own sexual health and measure and take your own risks, and get tested regularly. You cannot rely on someone telling you if they have something, or being honest for that matter, and they may not know themselves anyway.

See... it's easy to talk the talk... and even knowing these things, I think I am not alone when I say that I occasionally slip a cog, then spend a while in self determined quaranteen until the testing is complete.

Hugs
Stalky
Jan 18, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
nomadswingers   Couple Man 56yrs Woman 50yrs

All Clear?

We have never had anyone tell us they had / have a STD. Obviously we would say No to play if we were advised.
Its a nice feeling to get tested and receive the "All Clear"

We concur....never seen or heard of protection used for oral male or female in real meets.
Jan 18, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
goodgrlzsayplz

The truth

The truth is that this place is crawling with various nasties

The truth is that not that many people here get tested on a regular basis (3 monthly)

The truth is that so many people,some married and loads single don't use condoms at the end of the day.

I did and got what i thought was a nasty test result, a year later got tested again and things were not as the first test indicated.

When i asked my doc how the hell this could happen i found out that all i needed was a bit of fun at a party where someone went from person to person with their hands or mouth.

Stalky is right, a lot of "nasties" you can tell that you have them so you can't warn anyone.

I told all of my lovers straight away when i got the original result, i have told them all since about the most recent result. Numerous people still were happy to play with me when they thought there was a problem which surprised me.

The truth about this fun little game of naked twister is that you pays your money, you takes your chances.

Whatever you do, lessen your chances by using condoms and keep your partner and your future play friends as safe as you can.

Jan 18, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
norticplwa  

Couple Man 35yrs Woman 30yrs

research

I actually read some research recently relating to type 1 & 2, apparently 70% of infected people in Australia dont actually know they have the virus - and its extremely common. Secondly, being "tested" at the doctors will not show up. The usualu "test" is for gonor/chlymedia - the only way to be tested for herpes is for the person to actually be displaying symptoms at the time of the test and for that specific test to be done.

Hope that helps, but i think there are far worse things to worry about than herpes!
Jan 18, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
ToyWithMe   Man 39yrs

Herpes

Quoting 'norticplwa'
    I actually read some research recently relating to type 1 & 2, apparently 70% of infected people in Australia dont actually know they have the virus - and its extremely common. Secondly, being "tested" at the doctors will not show up. The usualu "test" is for gonor/chlymedia - the only way to be tested for herpes is for the person to actually be displaying symptoms at the time of the test and for that specific test to be done.

Hope that helps, but i think there are far worse things to worry about than herpes!
   

I think we must have been reading the same thing.  But I think you can get a blood test for herpes regardless of whether you're symptomatic or not.

What I'm trying to understand is that given it can be transmitted from activities that swinging couples take for granted and don't protect against (eg. handjobs), why isn't the swinging community riddled with it?  Or is it rife and people either don't know or don't mention it?
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
lil_bit_angelic   Woman 39yrs

known / unknown

You can be sure a lot of people know they have herpes and don't tell their lovers at all (not nice!).

And then, as said above, a lot of people don't even know they have it. Apparently you can easily get false positives or false negatives from tests.

And then of course there are countless other diseases ...

Condoms are good but they're far from fool proof.

That means, as Stalky said, it's up to all of us to measure and accept our own risks :)

Having said that, I'm sure there are no more risks in the swinging scene than there are in the casual drunken bar scene. In fact, I think probably less (though no statistical proof of this :P). The reason I like this site as opposed to the more regular dating sites (despite my profile which clearly states what I'm looking for), is because I find people in the the swinging scene are generally more open and often much more responsible than the pub scene crew. I like the fact that as a collective we can have these awesome, honest, grown up, conversations - and share information and education.

Angel x


Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
mikeandshel   Couple Man 49yrs Woman 51yrs

herpes?

is one nasty we hope to never come into contact with...we had the STD chat when we began dating, and did all the testing before going protection free.... so we understand we were clear and clean before beginning the 'play' journey....we'd like to get to the other end the same way...........what we did recently chat about was how horrible it would be for an innocent partner to contract some 'ugly', when they'd never played......from their partner, who was out there putting them both at risk...we agreed that there would be no worse betrayal.....(i do know someone who contracted herpes from her interstate truck driving husband....her 'legacy' of their time together....which was the prompt for our conversation....)............
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
MsVelvetblue  

Woman 47yrs

As a doctor I beg to differ

Quote: What I'm trying to understand is that given it can be transmitted from activities that swinging couples take for granted and don't protect against (eg. handjobs), why isn't the swinging community riddled with it? Or is it rife and people either don't know or don't mention it?
As a doctor I can assure you that the community at large is rife with STD's (as it is withïn  the swing community, however I have found personally that  the swing community tend to be more äware and more diligent when it comes to sexual health)  So many people do not know they have a STD  or are a carrier, especially women who are less symptomatic than men, especially when it comes to Heps - all strains, chlamydia etc whereabouts gonorrhoea etc tend to raise its nasty head within a few days and present rather violently in men
Its Russian roulette out there  and do not think for a second that just because you use a condom, dental dam etc... you are 100 percent covered against picking up a nasty, you aren't ...you are lowing your risk factor but not eliminating it.....and when someone tells me that they have just been tested and are ""clean"" - I laugh because unless you have been tested that afternoon and CLEARED and not had sex with any one prior to wanting to have sex with me that nite,  you aint free of disease - EVERY time you have sex with someone you take a risk...EVERY TIME (even if you have a partner - whose to know what they have been up too ?
However every time you get out of bed, you take a risk as well and people even die in their sleep !!!.....that is life....and you cant not live it...but you can be aware, play safe and be mindful of your own sexual health
Below are FACTS re: Herpes -  from the Department of Health - Canberra

What are genital herpes?

Genital herpes are blisters or sores on the genitals. They are caused by either Herpes Simplex

Virus (HSV) Type I or Type II. HSV Type I is more common on the mouth (cold sores) and HSV

Type II on the genitals. Both viruses can infect the mouth and the genital area.

How do you get genital herpes?

Herpes are spread by skin-to-skin contact with someone who has the virus, including contact with

infected skin during sex. Cold sores on the mouth can spread the virus to the genitals during oral

sex. There is no cure for herpes. Once you have the virus, it stays in the nerves of the infected

area of skin. It can be dormant (‘sleeping’) for some time and then flare up, sometimes causing an

‘episode’ of sores. Herpes are most easily passed on when you can see blisters or sores.

But it can be passed on even when there aren’t any sores; this is most common in the first 2 years

of infection.

What are the signs and symptoms of genital herpes?

■■ When a person is first infected, they may not get sores. Many people with genital herpes

don’t know because they have no symptoms.

■■ The first herpes episode is usually the worst. You may feel generally unwell as if you are

getting the flu, then small blisters appear. They burst and become sores.

■■ Later, scabs form, and finally the skin heals after 1 or 2 weeks.

■■ In females, blisters may appear around the vagina, the urethra, the cervix, or between the

vagina and the anus.

■■ In males, blisters may appear on the penis and foreskin, and sometimes inside the urethra,

on the scrotum or in the area between the penis and the anus. It can be very painful to pass

urine if it runs over the sores.

■■ Rarely, herpes can appear on the buttocks, lower back and other areas below the waist, as

well as the hands, breasts, back, fingers – anywhere that has touched an infected area.

■■ Many cases of genital herpes don’t show up as blisters. They can appear as a small area of

rash, cracked skin, or some other skin condition on the genitals.

■■ Have any unusual condition of the genital skin checked out by a doctor and testedDelivering a Healthy WA

for herpes. Although herpes sores heal, the virus stays in the body, and you can have more

outbreaks. These are called recurrent episodes.

Recurrent episodes

Recurrent episodes usually occur on the same part of the body as the first attack, but are often

shorter and milder. Recurrent episodes are less likely with HSV Type I infection. Usually they

happen less often and are milder over time, and can just stop. Some infected people never get

more than 1 episode. Some people can have herpes but never have symptoms. Herpes episodes

are more likely to happen when your immune system is weak. Illness, tiredness, stress, periods or

sexual activity can trigger them, but they can occur for no obvious reason.

How do I know if I have genital herpes?

Your doctor will take a sample from an infected area with a swab and send it to a laboratory.

It’s best if the sore or blister is less than 4 days old. You MAY need a blood test as well to see

which type of HSV you have.

What do I do if I have genital herpes?

Go and see your GP or doctor of choice if you think you may have genital herpes.

How do I get treated?

During an episode of genital herpes these things may help:

■■ Paracetamol or aspirin can reduce pain and soreness

■■ Betadine paint will dry out the blisters and help stop the sores from getting infected

■■ Bathing sores with salt water (2 teaspoons of salt per litre, or 1 cup of salt in a bath) can

help them heal

■■ Applying an anaesthetic jelly or cream can reduce the pain, particularly when passing urine

■■ If it hurts to urinate, you can also try passing urine while sitting in a warm bath.

Your doctor may prescribe anti-viral drugs. These ease the pain and severity of episodes,

especially if you take them within 2 days of any sign of blisters. If you have lots of outbreaks you

need to take medicine all the time. Anti-viral drugs can’t cure you or stop you passing herpes on to

another person. However, they can reduce the symptoms, and lower the risk of infecting another

person when you don’t have any symptoms.

How do I reduce the risks of getting genital herpes?

Herpes is passed on to another person by skin-to-skin contact from an infected area. Herpes is

most infectious from the first signs of sores developing (tingling of the skin, numbness or shooting

pains) until the scabs have gone.

To protect yourself and your partner, avoid sex when there are any signs of sores on the genitals.

Don’t have oral sex when there is any sign of a cold sore on the mouth. You can pass on herpes

to someone even when you have no visible blisters or sores. This is most likely when you’ve just

caught the virus. You can’t catch herpes or pass it on to another person unless you have skin-toskin

contact with the infected area.

Delivering a Healthy WA

Condoms with water-based lubricant and dental dams reduce the risk, but they only protect the

area of skin covered by the condom or dental dam. But they do protect you against other sexually

transmitted infections (STIs).

Talking about herpes or any STI can be difficult, but any person you have sex with has a right

to know if you have herpes. Discuss it when you are feeling relaxed and confident, and not just

before you have sex. Your partner will appreciate your honesty and that you don’t want to infect

him/her. You also have the right to know if they are infected too.

Is there a vaccination against genital herpes?

There is no vaccination for genital herpes.

Pregnancy and herpes

An infected mother can pass herpes on to her baby during birth, causing serious illness.

This is most serious in women who have their first episode of herpes just before delivery.

Women who already have the virus when they get pregnant have protective antibodies which

protect the baby too, so it’s very unlikely to be infected. If you become pregnant, tell your doctor

if you or your partner have ever had a herpes episode. Your doctor can then work out the risk

of an episode at birth and any possible risk to the baby.

Coping with Herpes

Herpes only affects a small area of skin. It doesn’t usually make you ill, and it has no obvious

long-term side effects in healthy adults. If you have herpes, don’t feel ashamed or guilty, or think

you can’t have sex.

The Australian Herpes Management Forum has a web site for people affected with and concerned

by Genital Herpes: www.ahmf.com.au

Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
ChasingMidnight

A less random take...


...and very simply, we really are responsible for our own health and the health of others.  My own rule of thumb albeit difficult at times is to be absolutely sure that you never bring anything to the table that you would not want served to you...and if there is an ingredient there that could be potentially one another person would not like, let's talk about it.

|

Personally, I would never go from one partner to another without checking in with my doctor and having "the tests" run nor play in a group situation (rare anyway) without the same precautionary guidelines...and besides, she gives me a volume discount and "mates rates".  I am very happy to say it's worked for me and I enjoy perfect sexual health...mental health is always questionable however I don't suffer from insanity but rather enjoy the hell out of my version of it.

|

Then simply chant the mantra...."Always practice safe sex and study for the exam".

|

It only takes a short time to get the test results back...some diseases last a lifetime and in some cases death is much more permanent until they find a cure for that too.

Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
redhotpiequeen   Woman 38yrs

I have Herpes

I find it quite incredible that no-one else has it, considering it apparently impacts 25% of the adult population of Australia. It stands to reason that a sexually promiscuous group of people would have a far larger percentage.

I caught it two years ago from a man I met on a site like this one. We had the 'clean' talk. I had been tested and had never even had a cold sore in my life. He occasionally got cold sores. We had been lovers for a year when on a particular day, a very long session made me a little sore downstairs. He stopped and started giving me oral instead. Whether the virus was shedding that day or he lied about an upcoming cold sore I will never know. Two weeks later I felt a burning sensation when I urinated when the urine touched a little patch of skin near where I had gotten a bit abraded from the sex session. I went to the doctor (who could not even see it visually) and got it swabbed, and my life changed. I was told I have genital herpes.

I have never had another symptom since that day. I can control shedding by taking Valtrex, which means I'm pretty much non-infectious. I am extremely fit and healthy and I never get sick, not even colds. It is probably safer to have sex with me than with 4 other people on here. Yet the reason I have no pics or info is so that people don't contact me. I log on to read the forums every now and again. I don't date and I don't have sex because I am scared of being ostracised.

Nowhere in any informational website has anyone said that people with oral herpes have an obligation to protect sexual partners. Oral sex is the reason genital herpes is becoming so common. That is mentioned pretty often.

Those of you out there who have never had a cold sore. You are at the highest risk of catching genital herpes as you have no immunity built up at all. People who get cold sores already have the virus and therefore already have antibodies. The aniti-bodies for one simplex can help protect against the other. In retrospect I was a time bomb waiting to happen.

I have written this post because every time I read one of the 'holier than thou' messages above mine, I just cringed a little further.
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Polar_Bear_Grrr   Woman 37yrs

Herpes

I have it (it used to be on my old profile but I set this one up quickly to join forums).  I tell prospective partners on meeting.  I take precautions.

You can bet your cute little patootie that there are a stack of people on here who do not tell anyone they have herpes.  It's how I caught it, and I bet it's how a stack of other people have caught it too.  They're the dangerous ones.  Sure, they can wheel out the form from the Dr's showing all clear on blood/swab tests and it won't show up on it because Dr's don't even test for herpes unless specifcally request, and all it will show is if you have antibodies, not if you have cold sores or genital herpes.

Everytime I hear someone put herpes and HIV in the same sentence I want to slap them silly.  Hmm, a cold sore on twat as opposed to a comprimised immune system that if not managed (with daily drugs) could cause the flu to kill you?  Yes, great correlation there. 

Anyway, here's some straightforward herpes info http://www.healthassist.net/conditions/herpes.shtml

I agree with redhotpiequeen above -if you've never had a cold sore, be doubly wary and always practice safe sex for everything as I'd never had a cold sor when I caught genital HSV2 and fuck, I was sick as a dog for 2 weeks. 

Take responsibility for your own sexual well-being, practice safe sex and get tested regularly.  I take my sexual health seriously, you should too.
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Stalky

Type 1 and type 2

Cold sores? I have been getting those since I was a teenager.. but cold sore flare ups (Herpes simplex 1) is nothing a regular dose of L-lysine cannot preven... they flare up when I get sunburnt.. or when I go on holidays... (stress related flare ups)... that's when I hit the L-lysine. I think half the planet has cold sores.

As for Herpes simplex 2 - genital herpes... I don't have that one... but my friend got that about three months ago. He needed another STD like a bat to the head. It is far more common than people realise.. just not as common as cold sores.

The two virus types are similar but different. None the less, I do not indulge in sex when I have a cold sore... just in case there's kissing! I dont think that cold sores (HSV type 1) can be transferred to genitals. Perhaps someone can correct me.


Hugs
Stalky
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Polar_Bear_Grrr   Woman 37yrs

Stand corrected

Hey Stalks,

Both strains can be transmitted to either area.  It's very common for women to get genital herpes from oral sex with a partner with a cold sore.  Of course, women cop it worse because it's all mucous membrane down there, but with the prevelance of waxing/shaving there are all sorts of nicks and spots where viruses can enter the body in the genital region on both men & women these days.

Genital herpes (HSV1 or HSV2) is called so because when dormant the virus lives happily in the nerve ganglion at base of spine.

Oral herpes/cold sores is called so because when dormant the virus lives happily in the nerve ganglion at the top of spine.

L-Lysine will control both.  Zovirax works on both. Valtrex works on both.
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
mikeandshel   Couple Man 49yrs Woman 51yrs

herpes..

oral herpes can infect the genitals.....genital herpes can infect the mouth. herpes can appear as shingles. you might be infected, but never have an obvious outbreak...or you might have very slight and almost invisible outbreaks and be contageous.. everyones experience is different. herpes can infect a baby at birth...the dangers of neonatal herpes include death....
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
lil_bit_angelic   Woman 39yrs

see ...

that's one of the things I love about RHP - the openness and honesty.

Thanks all :)
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
redhotpiequeen   Woman 38yrs

Stalky_FlatBum

Your oral Herpes (even if is it HSV1) is still able to infect someone with genital Herpes, even if you don't have a break out at that time. And yes, a cold sore is a Herpes breakout, it is just doesn't have a bad reputation because so many people have it. The virus sheds 4 to 6 times a year without you knowing it and you are infectious at that point. HSV2 prefers genitals and HSV1 prefers oral, but neither are that fussy and both can easily be transferred to their non preferred side. HSV1 on the genitals is still genital Herpes, the exact same virus you have, just a different location.

Genital Herpes is most prevalent in women (all those vulnerable mucus membranes as Polar_Bear_Grrr says) and gay men (anal sex doesn't always occur without damage) because of people with oral Herpes who do not know that they can be infectious when they don't have a cold sore.

76% of Australian adults have oral Herpes and oral sex is extremely popular. I caught mine from someone who held the exact same beliefs you do. It is time society grew up and accepted that both simplexes are the exact same virus. If I had just had a 'chat and a giggle' with everyone I ever met who had oral Herpes then I wouldn't be where I am now.

Maybe this thread should be about social and sexual acceptance and not about how bad it is and how to avoid catching it?
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
MsVelvetblue  

Woman 47yrs

Thankyou

To both Redhotpiequeen and Polar Bear

Thank you so much for sharing your stories and being brave enough to do so. It’s one thing to quote medical statistics and it’s another to read of a person who has been infected and subsequently affected by this insidious disease. Anyone who has had a STD will tell you it’s gut wrenching, and a quick dose of penicillin does not cure all. In the case of Herpes, HIV, Hep etc these are STD’s, that require major lifestyle choices and changes and although there is a life beyond these diseases, Id be lying if I said it was the same as the life you once had.

Redhotpiequeen…..you sound very informed about your STD and are monitoring it accordingly. I will not be so condescending to say to you that you can continue to have a normal life , one that also includes sex because I’m sure that mentally you can’t go there yet and I fully understand that and I emphasise with your feelings. Your life has changed and it won’t be the same again, BUT there is hope. As stated in my previous post I am a female doctor majoring in pathology. I’m not a psych nor a counsellor but the type of pathology I do means I encounter grief and loss every day and I spend my days listening and holding of hands.   I notice that you have terminated your profile, but should you reinstate and would like to chat both as a doctor and a potential friend via email ,then please send me a flirt and I will contact you.

And that same offer goes to you as well Polar Bear, who is equally informed and aware ..and if you feel the need, then please send a flirt (as I note you are a Guest) and I will contact you privately as well

Thankyou both ladies for sharing and reiterating to all of us….the major impact this infection has

Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
Meeka100   Woman 41yrs

Help me out here.

Gawd... too much information ^^ and I am too tired to read it, can someone summarise it for me please.

I have never had a cold sore anywhere ever ... would like to keep it that way if I can.

Big clap for Meeka


Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
couplesint  

Couple Man 60yrs Woman 47yrs

Shingles are nothing to do with STD!

Sorry mikeandshell but shingles come from the measles virus...that have nothing to do with STD! I this as Bryan had a bad case shingles 2 years ago....and no it was not a std! FYI Leesa
Jan 19, 2012 Report Abuse  |   Reply with Quote  |   Reply Reply Post
couplesint  

Couple Man 60yrs Woman 47yrs

Chicken pox rather

Sorry meant chicken pox

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