I've been single for about a year and a half now, have had so many friends ask me why I don't get a boyfriend that I actually had a moment of wondering if maybe I should consider it, so I did.

If I see a list of "I don't want...", I'll skip to the next profile. I don't even bother to look at anything else. What's the point in contacting someone who is clearly very negative already. The conversation is likely to go something like this "So do you drink?" "Yes, I have a couple every now and then" "sorry, that's not going to work for me. that means you're piss head".

I think this is a good question tuscanred and I have seen examples of what you are suggesting before.

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I'd like to think my profile is very straight to the point but confess to having written it knowing that many wouldn't bother reading it anyway, which I guess is a shame really. I think my profile in some places, is ambiguous and mine is actually in the process of a re-write, but in the meantime, I think it accurately reflects who I am, both in 'real life' and in RHP land. I'm pretty sure my friends here who are also my friends in 'real life' would say it accurately reflects who I am.

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It states clearly what I like and dislike, what you must have and what it is preferable you don't have and it makes clear mention of my relationship status. Infact, you can go so far as to find near identical statements in the profile of my partner, should you seek to look closely enough at both of our profiles.

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But my profile is a reflection of what I need and want from RHP at this stage in my life and it hasn't changed too much from what it was when I first turned up here about 2 and a half years ago.

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I do read into a profile though and I do make the same assumptions you do about words like "discrete" and "fun" and I confess to rating a person based on how much effort they have made on their profile. And that doesn't necessarily mean a word count. Some people can communciate succinctly what they need to say in 5 sentences and that is fine.

 

... Sadly, for anyone reading my posts or my profile, I am not one of those people LOL

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Flirty x

With permission to play and having this clearly stated in my profile I would have thought that I would find quite a few women keen on taking me up on a bit if guilt free nsa sex, but am finding that most dont even seem to consider me. Not sure what it is, whether it's the lack of a future relationship or just the idea that i'm married that causes them to balk.

I'm very happily married and I think my profile is clear in what I'm searching for. I'm looking for playmates I can be friends with.

I hear you TR, and an interesting set of observations. I esp like the capital letters (shouting). Peoples tolerance/intolerance to various things is amusing to note.

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Mr E.

For me, I simply don't have the time to dedicate to a 'traditional' or 'conventional' relationship but that doesn't stop me wanting to enjoy some of those benefits with a like-minded person. The ideal situation for me right now, is for a FWB. (After my marriage broke up a few years back, I did register on a conventional dating site - that profile is now inactive and I am here instead).

Am glad you started this thread and it will be interesting to see others thoughts on the topic. It seems there is a great deal of variety in perception as to what RHP is all about. Various posts often state how RHP is "just" a sex site, or even "supposed" to be just for swingers (not singles seeking other singles).
I thought it was "all" of the above and plus some?

I do know where you are coming from and the same thought has crossed my mind when I read profiles about not being closed to a relationship. I say fantastic for them! I wish more people were as honest about their wants in their profile as it enables others to be more informed about whether they would like to meet or not.

For someone visiting RHP for the first time, the very front page of RHP states "RedHotPie is a premier internet dating site for hot girls, hot guys and sexy couples. Whether you are looking for free sex or adult personals RedHotPie will help you find friends, romance & relationships." (kind of like Sizzlers with a take-away option!).  I don't see why those looking for relationships, or more than a bonk, should be judged as long as they are honest, have respect and don't judge others who are seeking sor something different to them. Perhaps they are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend who actually enjoys sex (and fear they wont find that on 'conventional' sites) or they are looking for a long term/life partner to swing with.

My initial take on RHP was that it was more open minded than other "conventional" dating sites in that I "thought" it allowed people to almost take a sigh of relief and be honest about their desires and kinks without having to feel they were weird or not normal (whatever that is). Basically, like a conventional dating site on steroids... it simply encompassed a greater scope of desires.
Unfortunately, it seems many judge those that are open to the idea of finding a relationship here (no, not you TR - I see you stating your opinion and reasoning for such, and questioning others about their view out of interest).

The fact is I have seen many guys (I say guys because they are the ones I looked at) from here are also on other 'conventional' dating sites. The main difference with some of them is that on the conventional ones, their profiles would have your mother racing you off to the alter and touting what a lovely man he is and how lucky (pfft) to have found such a rare gent (look darling! only one previous owner, well maintained and looking for his soul mate to call princess snookums!). Yet same guy's profile on here would have said Mother wetting her pants - in more than one way probably (it might be the noodle fetish that tipped her over).

I think sometimes profiles are written more to appeal to an audience rather than from one's own desires. Maybe if everyone were more open about what it is they wanted, they would have more success ... or more frustration.

As far as people listing their "want's" and "not want's", as long as it's balanced it actually helps learn more about suitability. Although in the case of a guy who contacted me recently, his profile made it very clear what he was after and also what he did not want, to the point of saying if you are *this this or this, then you are definitely not the girl for me etc etc*. After his message I read through his profile and found myself being exactly the type he didn't want and politely replied to him explaining this. I got abused for a couple of emails (damn slow blocker I am!) for not being *open* enough and *hiding behind an online wall*. Knob.

Perhaps RHP should add another check-box to the Fetish Interest *Open To Conventional Relationship*. Maybe if it is viewed as a kink it won't be frowned upon.

In my case, it really is about what I feel comfortable with - blame it on upbringing / religion / past experience, etc, most people have boundaries which they can't cross (some are meant to be pushed but others are like a hard limit).

So for me it would have nothing to do with the lack of future relationship due to you being married. If anything, that would be a bonus... all the fun without picking up socks, putting down toilets seats etc 

I can't see why you can't find a gf or bf here. Its a social setting do why not? You're better off looking in places where you'll find like minded people to yourself. If that's here... Then all well and good I think. As it happens, I'm not looking for a gf or a bf. my life's complicated enough as it is. I do enjoy conversing with like minded people, even if I'm not looking for a mate here. Hugs Stalky

Thinking about this Tuscanred , I would like to meet someone (not boyfriend) for regular sex. Im getting tired of the one offs, it would be nice to have one or two regular sex partners.

 

That is the only thing missing from my life at present is constant sex.

You raise an interesting question tuscanred. It seems we all have our list of what we want and don't want ,admittedly some being much more detaile and speceficthan others. I wonder what the results would be if some analysed all our stated wants and nees in a "partner" and then compared it to the actual qualitites of the people we hook up with. I suspect there would be a relatively poor correlation between what we say and what we actully do. Which perhaps goes to show that us humans don't really know what we want.
I'm not even really sure if thats what I wanted to say??

The Daddy... I am looking for a Daddy ^^^ to spank my big fat juicy butt :)

Clearly when you are having ''relations'' (that word to decribe bed gripping, lip biting sex makes me chuckle) with someone you are going to develop some feelings toward that person - I understand this.. but are they always the I want you full-time as my boyfriend/girlfriend type of feelings? No...

Perhaps I missed out on that emotion button that switches on and off?

I care about my FWB very much - I have feelings for him but they are not of the heartstrings variety. They are simply lust, respect, trust, admiration, lust, lust, desire, lust, appreciation, lust, genuine friendship (did I mention lust?) and when he heads off overseas to live soon I will miss him - his friendship, our companionship but I won't lay in bed and cry for days thinking why didn't I push for more... I simply don't view him like that and will have killer memories to make me smirk.

I do find it amusing that a LOT of people have on their profiles looking for ''fun'' (ps. Luna park is fun, eating icecreams and watching it melt down your arms is fun...sigh.. don't get me started on that one)..  and after 'fun' will also have open to a relationship with the right person or similar. I've asked a few people and they flat out deny they would ever have a relationship with someone they met on a ''sex'' site regardless of their profile alluding to it.

Everyone is different, thank god and we don't tick all the same values, morals and sexual desire boxes which for me, makes this entire website so interesting - the human experiement I guess... along with the fact that there are quite a few intelligent, quick witted, non judgemental people on here who are open and actually happy with exactly who they are and what they want in life... *raised glasses to those people*

Now excuse me whilst I head to Facebook and send them a quick note requesting a few more variants be added to the relationship status button ;)

Disclaimer - simple observations and opinion from experience only. Any issues please contact my Solicitor at giveafuck@fullysick.com.au

Do I have to choose between a boyfriend OR a bonk...I honestly thought if I had a boyfriend I would get to bonk him senseless!

...can be very subjective and open to your own interpretation.  Some can be very prescriptive in only a few short sentences or written with incredible detail in the negative...I am happy to put some women on my own pedestal for whatever reasons I may choose or find attractive, but that doesn't mean that becomes an alter of worship.  If someone puts themselves there already I will usually take it for a miss...and equally if I see humour and what may be written in the white space between all these letters, even better and I will break every rule in the book if need be to get to know that person.  I just quietly a bit like that in real life too...and not just about people but most anything that I find challenging or exciting. 

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I think the reality is that, just like in real life...most of us are never completely sure of what it is that we are looking for until it jumps up and grabs us, and that's the part I enjoy.  I like surprises...I like being surprised.  I can almost always tell the difference in the first note or two back if any whether I might just enjoy the experience...the litmus test is always in the voice and laughter as once I hear it completes part of the singular image that I form in my mind, like adding in the colours to a black and white sketch.

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I do absolutely know what I am not looking for...but finding out what that is forms a part of the journey.  I hope you enjoy the adventure as you are often drawing the map along the way.

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Thanks, for letting me play. 

I am just looking for my car keys 

I will never share a shag somone if i think it's only going to be a one off before i start.  It maybe that the chemistry expected is not there and once off is all it is.  But you would not find me there in the first place if i thought that was the case at the start.

The last woman I dated was Bi and identified a strong feminine side to my character that offset her masculinity nicely.  Maybe the feminine side of my character is why one off fucks don't really interest me?

So i'm guessing i'd like a "fling buddy" (new word alert). a light relationship that is not necessarily long term that is more than just sex.

At some point i'll be ready for a proper relationship again. but today i'm still daubing past wounds with self obsession.

And so mentioned half jokingly to the mrs that she may even have to confirm the fact she's fine with me playing. She didnt seem wrapped by the idea as she doesnt want all the details and would rather I sort things out on my own, but eventually said that if thats what it would take then she'd do it.