We've heard a few stories of late of couples who live in fear of discovery and even tales of attempted blackmail and threats. This has led us to question who we need to 'hide' from and ponder how it feels like swingers are the new 'homosexuals'.
A subgroup hiding in the closet because society isn't evolved enough to simply accept their sexual choices/expression. It took some very brave individuals to come out so that homosexuality could be normalized, so that people could start to see and understand that they were their sons, their brothers, their neighbors etc.
It's going to take a tipping point/critical mass of swingers to come out as normal, happy functioning couples to those they love for society's preconceptions to change. At the moment the only swingers most 'muggles' know of are the couples who tried it and failed, who are left angry, hurt, blaming and vocal. Meanwhile the functioning swinging couples blend in and on the whole stay in the closet.
My question is are you one of the pioneers who have already come out, do you aspire to do so (and what's stopping you), would you happily be part of the second wave once more acceptance was generated OR do you love the whole dirty little secret/double life aspect of our lifestyle choice?
Its been a while since I have swung as a couple...
I have no probs with my friends knowing (in fact most if not all of my friends are either swingers, or on this site, so most of my freinds are fairly open minded ( I think) - this is the circle that I move in - I have no surviving family left so theres no chance of any potential embarassment or upset or fumbling justifications there.......I guess the only people that I would be "coming out " to would be work colleagues...
Most of my closer colleagues know that Im on this site (in fact some of them are also ) but my profile doesnt indicate that I swing or that I used to....
So to answer your question, I guess I "aspire to do so" but haven't cause I just haven't felt the need nor has a situation arisen where Ive had to confront it - unlike I imagine it does more so with same sex couples....like for instance I haven't bumped into someone I work with at a swingers party and had to like go thru the whole "Oh Hi, what are you doing here ?" crap.......I still feel what I do in my personal life is my business...and who I have sex with, even more so..I certainly dont announce my conquests to those gathered in the staff tea room on a Monday morning of who I shagged shitless on Saturday nite.....basically cause I work mainly with blokes who are more interested in where the Eagles are on the ladder !!!
But kudos to those who have taken that step...Im not in the closet, but Im not out of it either....
And to be honest, I kinda like the whole double life aspect...I like what lurks beneath.....I like living my little secret life and to meet me, well Im think Im the kinda gal of which first impression arent necessarily representative of how naughty I can be....
...most people who know us, know what Jennylee and I are like. Good luck blackmailing us.
Some of our friends and family know (we have been careful to only tell those who are open minded and generally accepting of other peoples choices). I get the impression that other friends and possibly even our parents suspect that we get up to some "out of the ordinary" stuff due to occasional slip-ups on our behalf in conversations and the discovering of kinky toys and outfits hidden away in cupboards and drawers. My 3 year old son found my riding crop the other day and showed my Mum. He inquired innocently "what does Mummy use this for Nanna?".
We would love to come out but are fearful of the ridicule and stigma of being labelled "dirty swingers". One trusted friend of ours automatically assumed that the reason we do this is because something is lacking in our relationship or that I am a closet lesbian. To the contrary, we have found that being more open sexually has reinforced our love and connection. His reaction has led us to be more careful. XXX
We have pretty much decided it will remain the "secret" part of our lives. Although, it might be fun telling the kids when we are 80, just for the shock value.
L has tried telling a few muggle girl-friends (usually after a few too many bubbles) with reactions from genuine intrigue to outright horror; but as Waterbabes points out, the fact is that people think that bringing others into our sex lives suggests we are not fulfilled with each other and that is just so far from the case. It's like the theory of evolution, some people just cannot even listen to it because it goes against their core beliefs.
The other concern for us is how to mix horizontal friends with vertical friends. Do you just not do it or do you word all the players up first on who is and who isn't? There's always the "so how do you know L&M?" and the stumbling over the answer or forgetting the lie you told last time just isn't a good look...
We've bled little tidbits of information to friends to gauge their reactions and some have been positive, some negative and some dont really care one way or the other. Openmindedness is a varying thing we've found, some who we thought would react negatively have been positive and vice-versa. Some have felt threatened and reacted very negatively, as if we'd pulled the rug of normality from beneath their feet. The male of the couple has been more open than the female in our case as his skin is bulletproof thick and tends to ignore outside opinions , while the Mrs is very reluctant to divulge much information at all for the opposite reason.
Mr is brutally honest and hates wasting time on deceptions or evasions and can be quite blunt, (shades of grey dont rate in his mind), whereas Mrs is more diplomatic.
Alienation/estrangement sometimes ensues, but that's their problem not mine.
When I was with my husband and we swung we did not let it be known to friends, I told a few but he never did.
But since single most of my friends know I was a swinger with my husband and still enjoy doing it. I would not tell family though. Shit only my sister knows I am bi let alone letting the whole cat out of the bag
How dare your sister do that to you.It is such a fundamental betrayal.Sometimes in life we have to make choices as to whether or not we can afford to have some people in our lives,regardless of whether they are family or not.
I have made many life choices that my family disagree with,it is one of the reasons I live in Queensland ,they live in Victoria.
You are a beautiful intelligent woman who has chosen to express her sexuality honestly.
I hope your sister realizes this and supports you,not villifies you.many Hugs H x
BUT have been on line for a number of years and am not exactly straight. I dont care who knows what I get up to. Personally I feel that it is nobody elses business but mine. Naturally I do not walk around with a big sign on my back but I do not actively hide it either. I am not ashamed and if otjhers can not or do not accept me then that is thier loss. Most of my family knows, hey my eldest child is on this site with me, as many of you already are aware.
Recently I was talking with a friend, a woman that I had been close friends with for over five years. Now she knew that I was on this and other sites, met men from here and was sexually open. She is a rather stitched up catholic. We got around to discussing the seamier side of life and it just came out that back in my early 20's I was a working girl. End of friendship! I just looked at her and said...
"So it was okay for Jesus Crist. Do you think you are better than he was?"
Still...the friendship is now gone and that is her loss!