I can't believe how many personal messages I receive asking for my advice. It is often people who don't think their topic deserves a whole forum thread, or people who really just want my advice... not the opinion of a pimply faced 22yo. So I have started this thread to help everyone get the real truth. I don't have tickets on myself, but suspect that this will possibly become bigger than Google.
What's your question for Jean Girard?
So if I read this correctly (and I have) you've been staring at my new pic and as a result are now sexually satisfied.
Firstly - You're welcome
secondly - thank you... so many people assumed I was just doing the Elaine dance, when, as you've correctly identified, there are several hidden messages I am sending to those with perceptive eyes.
PS - Did you miss a couple... ?
I had another look at your latest pic... you appear to have a pen case in your top pocket. A pen case. *raises eyebrows*... and are you or are you not inspecting another man's crutch with a very large grin on your face?
What did you see?
Hugs
Stalky
Well spotted. I wonder who the lucky man is getting his crutch inspected by the Doc? Judging by the blue jeans and sneakers, my guess is George Costanza.
Hi Doctor Jean
While re-watching the movie American Pie, it recently came to my attention that there is a large variety of desserts for men to 'pleasure themselves' with- apple pie of course, all sorts of puddings (self saucing and plain), deep based tarts (the food-kind, not the woman-kind!), chocolate mousse...
I ask what you would add to the dessert menu to help satisfy a woman?
Ready with a shopping list,
Belle ;)
An excellent question Belle - at first it would seem you are quite right, due to the obvious anatomical differences, men can pleasure themselves with just about anything found in the freezer aisle, with the exception of crumbed fish, yet the lady of the species is left scratching her head. Sure - the fruit and veg aisle is a hoot - but you won't find anything there that can truly be a dessert by itself. Well except rhubarb - but that really deserves it's own thread!
To truly enjoy a dessert based orgasm, you need to throw any OCD cleanliness dysfunctions out the window. Things are going to get messy. You need to find textures - desserts that have differing temperatures and unusual textures. My recommended shopping list would look something like
- Le Rice
- Vanilla Slice
- Chocolate topping
- Nepolitan Ice Cream (but just the Chocolate strip - throw the rest away)
- Cheesecake
- Apple Pie - because what is life without a challenge.
- Aunt Betty's Choc/Hazelnut puddings - these usually make me orgasm just eating them - so these are a backup if you truly find that there is no joy in pie.
Towels can save in the cleanup, but sorround yourself with all the goodies and go to town - keep an eye out for Jim's dad though, and may I suggest this should be done with umm -- medical supervision.. perhaps a Doc... close at hand.
Hoping this helps - I'm on call if you need... I mean dessert-based accidents are on the rise.
Doc JG *stethescope at the ready*
Did you not read my reply about the dessert? It's for the same reason.
hehe
What's ur favourite Radiohead album?
Oh and btw...props on a good thread.
This has already won "best self-promotion of 2010" award.
Respect.
Love the grass cutter avatar Doc. Perfect... maybe better than Bob's! hehe.....
How can I resolve my situation? I mean, I've been lazing about at the Opera House for 4 hours with 5286 nudists.... and I think I might be overstimulated... The slightest vibration causes ... well.. you know... and I've put some tracky daks on.... but they're fleecy... so fleecy.... Doc, I could row a boat with it.... what should I do?
Manly hugs
Stalk
Hey JGMD,
I cammed with a girl the other night and now I have a rash on my belly button. What do you think it is she gave me?
Fucken itchy too
Random
Thanks Spanky (hope that's not too informal.)
I was never a big radiohead fan - but I do like that Disco Stick song she does.
And I would like to clarify that there is no self-promotion here... all posts are carefully screened and approved by my very own Ethics Committee (but I accept the award nevertheless - I love crap for my mantlepiece - thanks!)
This is solely a community service to rhpland. I like to think I have helped so many - from Miss Sophie's sore ear through to Tools sore wrists. Australia is better off sexually.
Random - I used to get this all the time, even back before camming was popular and I was using a BBS for cybersex... in the end it turned out to be a ring I was wearing - it chafed against my bellybutton.
The fix for me was to photoshop out the ring.
PS - I still get a rash, but not on my bellybutton.
This shouldn't be hard - with three drool-worthy picture sets and a low sex-drive, all you'd need to do to blow my mind is bump up the sex drive and my mind would turn squishy and i'd be following you around like a puppy... but I digress.
You'll need - that black dress, those black lace boy-legs and your red hair. Some will say the wildest sex is drunk sex - not true - it's ten times hotter and confusing if your new-found raunchiness can't be explained by champagne or vodka.
Invite me around...oh I mean invite him around and when you answer the door - say nothing. Talk is cheap tonight and you're the aggressor. Press him against a wall, kiss him and grab his crutch. If his hand isn't already up your skirt on your arse put it there... if he's not hard yet, call me. He's a lost cause. Unfortunately I don't think this will be a problem.
Drop to your knees and drag his jeans down and stroke him.... enough - that'll do - have you said anything to him? NO - AND DON'T. Are you still in that hot skirt? YES - GOOD. Undress him and lead him into the bedroom. Lay him down and straddle his face. Lift up your skirt, lick your fingers and masturbate - right over his face with your panties on... Are you wet? Can he smell you? Shit - I think I can!! Now it's time to stand up and strip for him - don't give me that innocent 'huh?' look. I've seen your pics... you know how to tease. When you're naked and done touching yourself all over, turn around, kneel over his face (69), lean forward and take his cock in your mouth.
Let your bodies guide you from here.
Doc
*kinda sweaty*
Jeano.. that's brilliant and I'm going to try that on Ridge... hehe
littered... you're not masturbating for you.. it's all for the benefit of your friend... so that's ok... hehe. Not a sin!