DR Jean....

 

Your not nice!......

 

 

sweetpetite41<<< sticks up middle finger and walks off......fookin grammer police...

Hey,

 

This guy really does give advice.....crap advice mainly but advice all the same !!!

 

Doggy.

Dear Aunt Jean  im not a mechanic   but im fairly sure that is not the best way to check if there is any spark left in the battery   or how low the water in the radiiator is.   And i may be mistaken but dont you check the oil with a DIP stick ? but i do have questions....   like where does dust come from  ? (just did the housework)   I think eunich may have stumbled onto where it is going.   and   to be a cougar...how much younger does the man have to be ?   and if i prefer them around my own age cant i have a sexy title for that too ?? (hmmm..... minx ?)   is anal the new sex like 40 is the new 20 ?   is oral no longer in favour ?   why do i go weak at the knees over some mens wrists ? Is this a new fetish ??   is "coffee" really code for "f### me f### me f#### me now " ???   will inviting a casual ongoing buddy to a social event strike fear into their hearts ?   Is it impolite to have more than one at the same function? would that make them feel easier or not ????   does being reincarnated make you buddhist ? but most importantly..............   why dont laptops have handles ? oh that feels so much better now... thank you cheers Miss b

but it isn't my thread, so will wait and see what the Jeanius says 

Hi Eunuch...  I hate putting investigations on hold.. but this is a job I am not sure on how to tackle comfortably.  Firstly we need to determine if this is fact or a rumour.  I was going to ask my dad, but was scared my ears would melt. 

 

I'm going to need you to assist with this by conducting the difficult closer inspections.  I imagine there must be some sort of "Legzopena" beverage the elderly imbibe.  I'm thinking you need to arm yourself with Drambuie or Cooking Sherry and head down to the nearest hip replacement clinic.  Concentrate on the out-patients as they will be wanting to try their new hips out and you're less likely to break 'things'.

 

Once you have confirmed that things are closing up on the elderly, let me know and I'll run it past the brains trust. 

 

I sincerely hope this investigation ends here though, it's kinda icky.

 

Dr JG

 

PS - Have you wikipediad this?

*wolfwhistle* Don't tease me like that you handsome bastard...  Or at least if you're going to - have a look around tonight and tell me if you see any street names so I know where to look for ya.

 

Are you sure it's not a nurses outfit?

 

The Doc.

It's not advice... it is knowledge.

 

The difference?  Advice is optional.  Knowledge is fact. 

Miss BP

I think I need to refer you a forum topic posted by OneBrightStar
http://redhotpie.com.au/Adult-Forums/Questionshow-many-is-too-many-26665  Refer bulletpoint 3. 

- Slack wife / housekeeper.

- 10 Years

- Partner

- No, anal sex needs to remain taboo.  If it becomes the 'new sex' I shudder to think what sick things we'll need to do to each other to break taboos in the future.

- Oral sex is still in favour.  Some young ladies believe it is an appropriate kiss good night.  God bless their little cotton socks.

- Because wrists are hard, throb and have thick veins running through them.  Remind you of anything?

- Coffee generally gives questionable breath freshness.  So coffee where coffee is consumed is not likely to be "F#$% Me", but "Coffee *wink*" most certainly is.

- Buddies at social events = Fear.  You're crossing the line.  The quantity is irrelevant.

- No

- Because the Laptop Bag does.

 

PS - That is definitely the best way to check for a spark in the battery!

PPS - PeachyPear... feel free to elaborate.

Dear Jean,

I have this contact who is relatively new to RHP and he is obviously the kind of character who is going to be very popular with the ladies because he has a delightfully disarming sense of humour and a very cute butt. Now... I wouldn't be a half decent narcissist if I didnt want to hang out with the popular nre boy in town.... so how can I suck up to him... you know... what do you think I could do for him.. hehe.. to get on his wingman list so I can ply him with alcohol and ... without you know... well he's straight? I don't want him to think I'm gay or anything.... ? What do you recommend?

 

 

This guy sounds awesome...  I can't blame you for wanting to hang with him so to speak.  I would suggest finding something in common.  If you have a cute butt, why not show it off as well.  Come up with a nickname for your friendship... like "The Butt Buddies - but straight" or something.  You say he has a sense of humour, perhaps try to tone down the seriousness of your posts and try to inject (in a straight manner) some humour into them.

 

Male-Male friendships are difficult to initiate.  You may find he's on the defensive a little ever since he jokingly expressed an interest for trannies in another thread, rumour has it just as many men check out his profile as women - men that are less than straight.  Oddly, no trannies.

 

Good Luck

Dr G

 

PS - How was the Bonanza Party?

pee your shed like a cowbow

ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh that is the funniest thing I have read all night..well done Trev..

Dear Jean,

Do you sleep on your tummy?

If not, can I?

lv Blinky xx

I am embarrassed, because I don't know how the "dating"scene works any more. What etiquette applies, these days.  I don't want to be viewed as a tight so and so, nor an easy take for a free meal by every pair of semi exposed ta~tas that get flashed my way.

 

So I'm out for afternoon tea in a fancy little deli in Norton Street... and we order affocata, then she has a double choc top latte with a dash of vanilla.. she has skinny milk... and I have a glass of water (free) and I order a couple of cookies... but she ate one! Then she says she is still a bit peckish and orders a slice of chocolate mud cake.. and I warn her.. that the servinge are absolutely enormous and she will never get through it alone... but she says she will try and if not I can have it... so the cake comes out... and sure enough, she orders an iced coffee with extra cream and a dash of icecream to help try and wash that great big chocolate mofo down... She has like about 23% of the cake and excuses herself... off to the rest room for a fart she says... but I know she's probably doing the finger down the throat trick because she is a skinny arsed little bitch and no doubt was making room so she can scoff the rest of the cake... so while she is away I ask the waiter to slip the cake into a take away box so I can eat it later...

 

When she comes back I tell her the waiter took it away... no word of lie.. that's exactly what he did.... and the bill comes... with my take away box... Now.... should I have to pay for everything? I mean... she's a skinny arsed little bitch and I did warn her about the cake size... anyway she got really pissed off when I handed her $3.90 for my coffee and one biscuit... and throws some money on the table and storms off.... like wtf Jean? Am I wrong? or what?? I kept the change.. I mena, no reason to leave that there... the waiter was an arsehole.

Confused Stalky here

You were right not to tip the waiter. 

 

The rest of your date looks like a bit of a disaster despite you doing almost everything by the book.  This girl is not for you - I'd say it's a star sign incompatability thing. 

 

My only suggestions (and, please understand that these are refinements not criticisms)

1 - Don't rely on memory to divvie up the bill.  Keep a live ledger, especially if ta-ta distraction is likely.  A napkin is OK to use in a cafe, in fancier sorrounds use a PDA for added spectacle.

2 - Always call and thank your date for the great time you had together. She'll appreciate that.

3 - There are 1900 numbers that allow you to screen for potential star sign or name mis-matches.  Consider them - use your office phone to save money.

 

Don't blame yourself - this was not your fault.

DJG

Dear Jean

I thought that all women wanted emotionally was love, tenderness, romance, appreciation and flowers on a Friday night, but on these forums I have learned that they also need a 9+ inch cock.

I have heard that  the way to achieve this is to pull hard when the wind changes and it will become permanent (suffice to say my methods to achieve this  exclude 'folding')

To this end I have subscribed to SMS weather updates, and while initially showing promise, all I have achieved is a series of very embarrassing scenes, particulaly when I am at work or on public transport.

I have also ordered a box of structurally reinforced underwear in anticipation, but it looks like these will not be needed. (sniff).

Mrs SR. says that I am being silly and is cross at me for ordering the underwear.

She has offered to sell it on ebay, saying she needs to get the buyers size to check if suitable, and full name and address for warranty purposes.

Jean I am becoming desparate - what am I doing wrong?

Yours

Mr. SR.

1. On my side - but I am easily trained.

2. Yes

 

DJG xx

Mr SR

Are you're a quitter??  It sounds like it.  You need to make a decision here... are you going to give up on what is a proven penis enlargement method or are you going to keep wasting your money on flowers?  I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're not a quitter.  You're in luck - I've just been to the dentist, they numbed my gum, and clearly this has also numbed my usual short tolerance for quitters.  Today MR SR is your lucky day:

 

Step 1 - Delete your Ebay account.  You're going to need that underwear - and soon.

2 - Your partner is significantly older than you, so take advantage of her failing eyesight - be warned, this will only buy you some time.  Take her glasses down to the National Geographic  shop and find some manifying glasses that fit in them.  Presto - you look hung

3 - Cut and shut a ruler.  When people measure things, all they look at is the '0' mark and the actual measurement.  Cut an inch or two (or whatever) out of the middle of the ruler and glue together.  Noone notices and 6 inches becomes 9 inches.  Again - this is still just a delaying tactic.  When MrsSR is on all 4s in the bed, she's going to know whether she's got a deer, a horse or a wombat to play with.

4 - Keep working on the stretch.  The best place to spot a wind change is on the water.  Given your penchant for public transport nudity I'd suggest a ferry.  Hop on, stretch and wait for the wind to change.  DO NOT do this on a cold day, or we're back to square 1.

 

Are you still here??  Aren't you meant to be at the NatGeo shop?

 

Good luck.. 

Doc

 

PS - Mrs SR... Babe be warned you're in for some fillin'!