I emphatically don't believe in monogamy as the natural state of human beings.  I think it's a conditioned state more than anything.  I think it's completely possible to have one partner for life, and even one sexual partner for life, but not necessarily the way it's 'meant' to be.

I don't think this is different for men and women, at the basest of levels.  I think that both men and women apply all sorts of attachments, expectations, meaning to sex that mask what the true sexual nature of us humans is.  I also believe applying all these things is fine ... if it works for you and your partner/s.

I do monogamy really really well.  I love BIG and in a very committed way.  I give as much as I can and create a relationship that makes me very content. And yet I know that the time might come when I, or my partner, want to play with others - together or separately - and that we'll discuss and explore that if/when the time comes.  Maybe it will reflect a shift in our love and commitment for each other in a negative way.  Or maybe it will be just another adventure in the life of love we're creating.

I believe there is no right or wrong, we all have freedom of choice and we should be true to ourselves and approach sex in a healthy, open, honest manner.

If we are with someone we love, but have the urge to have sex with someone else, ask why?  What is your motivation?  Who will you hurt if you act on the urge?  What if you were just honest?  And what if you didn't act on the urge - are you just staying in your current relationship out of obligation?  If so, how does that help anyone?

We grown up human peeps play so many games and get ourselves tied into so many knots and get busy protecting our own interests or being martyrs for the interests of others and all it all gets messy.  I think that is the problem, not the urge to have more than one sexual partner (simultaneously or consecutively) in this great life.

But ... that's just what I think :)

lilmiss x

hey stalki there is more names to add to the list...as mole, tramp, trollop,floozy etc...haha
may i call you names as i smack your tushi with my whip...hehehe

xoxoxheymummamumma is toying with whip ...giggles

One of the things i enjoy and appreciate about RHP and the forums is the candour, thought provoking opinions and breadth of individual belief which people show. What amazes me is the range of opinions expressed and how different they can be, despite the fact that the linkage of RHP is sex.  That is the reason that each and every person is present on RHP, for how ever long their stay lasts.  This if nothing else illustrates to me that there is no single answer to this question.  Sex across all species is an incredibly complicated activity with non human species showing an almost identical range of sexual variations and behaviours to those of humans,including masturbation, fellatio and non procreative sexual activity.  On top of this there is the above noted sexual promiscuity of many species. I did not know this until i came across an illuminating Wikipedia entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_sexual_behaviour) - what does it show? If nothing else that when it comes to sex, humans are not unique and therefore as a species there is no single rule in the single partner (sexual or otherwise) question.  As many before me in this thread have commented on the difference between the emotional aspects of love which we tend to find in a single partner for a given period of time versus the desire for sexual partners which can range from the none (rarely i agree) to the continual many (maybe not so rare especially in RHP) but at the end of the day no species has complicated the love and sex equation as much as humans (did someone mention  religion?) and the social conditioning many have already mentioned, which probably has it roots (pun always intended :) ) in an anthropological need at some distant point as the most  efficient manner of procreation and survival for the species and has evolved over time to be the social structure used to platform our societies (was that god mentioned again?).  At the end of the day we are each unique and have a unique set of needs, wants, fears and pleasures - finding this out is really the challenge.  Personally Fussy, I think that you have summed it best for me - and i truly believe that not only are there no hard and fast rules applicable across peoples, that there are really no hard and fast rules across our own lifetime.  Its the being true to oneself and understanding ones needs whilst being strong and brave enough to pursue the path which best meets these and gives the most of ourself to those who we meet along the way, whilst minimising the harm to oneself and to others.  Being monogamous at a time in ones life when the need is for something other path is just as dangerous and promiscuity behind another's back can be.  To prevent any further demise into the quagmire of rambling - i will end now.

Oh yes PLEASE Missssstress Mumma Yay YayMumma and if course I will treasure the names forever. :p  Can Ridge come too?

 

Yours in obedience (well, nearly... I mean... I'm easily distracted :p)

Stalkyboy

 

 

yep, I agree completely :)  I've found that for me, recognising the desire to be free to have as many sexual partners as I want, communicating that in a relationship and having an open. honest understanding about it - actually reduces the urge.  I can, whenever I want, so I want it less - and I spend more time exploring the deep intimacy in the relationship I have.

I think all forms of self-denial increase desire.  Wanting sex with more partners and not acknowledging it, allowing it etc can increase the urge and make that urge problematic.  So yes, in that way, it can be just as damaging as wanting it and doing it without real awareness and consciousness.

The wanting and doing are not the problem - the lack of awareness and consciousness usually is.

To quote MissBJ ... just my opinion :)

lilmiss x

Whoever it was.....I applaud you!

And here I was thinking my love affair with Forum was just a 'summer

romance'

amorously yours

Anna

Psychology 101 what is normal?
I am with a lot of you we have moved on from simple animal protection but some people still prefer it.
2ballons has put it well "one size does not fit all"

ciao
Hermes  

Hot from my (in)box!

 

hi there, attached 38 yo from syndey looking for discreet times - tall, clean shaven, professionally employed - look forward to hearing from you.

kind regards

simon

 

Not only can he not read however he perfectly illustrates the 'no go' zone!

yes...

but after being madly in love with one partner for 20 years...

in which she was unfaithful for the last 8...don't worry, i'm over it...however,

having lived the last two years on the surface of life, and not diving under at all,

i am dipping my head under occasionally...and into my feelings again...

but do i want one sexual partner again...at the moment the answer is no...

but there are some very yummy women who i would like to sample and taste...their minds, their bodies, mmmmmmmm......and not just once either....oh well, shall keep dreaming...

cheers

jose...

I think the mixed response tells us more about how much we think we either know or have control of our situations..We all know what it is like to meet someone new..that sense of anticipation etc..then it wares off for some..is this the animal inside of us , looking for our next kill ? 

Or has there been some of us who shared or allowed our partner to go back into the jungle to play with the other animals again while you watch? And as you watched you thought what the !!!

I applaude those who have found the balance..As for this writer well somtimes i am the lion.. but one dog one bone for..i think !!

Hi taipan...to be honest when i was with my partner..i never had fantasies of other people /person when i played
with my toy/s...and that the honest truth...
 I would prefer to have one partner that was into me...crave just me..but life doesn't always work out that way.
thats why i rather an open relationship...with great communication..so if my partner desired someone else.i want to know
about it..before he did do anything, that way it may help avoid any damage being done,than have him sneak around, behind my back..which would cause damage( lost of trust)..it would hurt of course .but at least he was honest n upfront.

Usually this sort of thing can happen when people have been in marrage for over 26yrs and he had only a couple of experiences i was his his second wife and 2nd girlfriend..thus i would have understood...if it can mean saving a marrage.

don't give up on RHP - all the people on here are real people, representing a pretty similar mix to what you find in the 'real world'.  Some people on here behave badly, some have an alter ego on here that lets them express a side of themselves they can't express away from RHP, some are well balanced and know exactly what they're looking for on here, some are lonely, some are predators, some are happy and fulfilled and here to learn and laugh ... and so on and so on.

There's a place for everyone.  You will talk to lots of people online here, through the forums, in chat, maybe on msn etc and think you've made a real connection only to find out it was superficial and didn't nourish your soul.  That's because some people aren't on here for that, for the connection, the soul etc.  That's ok too, whatever floats everyone's boat.  But there are some people that ARE on here for that - men and women. 

As in life, RHP is a numbers game - connect with enough people over time and you're bound to connect with someone that really floats your boat and vice versa.  Be clear to yourself about what you're looking for on here.  Stick to that.  Enjoy the flattery but decide who and when to meet only if it aligns with what you truly want for yourself.  People WILL and DO say anything to get what they want.  Be discerning, be patient, there's no hurry.  RHP can be an adventure where you can learn, heal, grow, have fun, get hurt, hurt others, help others, help yourself and be helped by others ... and so on.  It can truly be whatever you want it to be if you stay true to yourself and be clear and consistent about why you're here.

I've been on RHP about 2 years now.  I keep coming back mostly because of the great forum discussions where I get to learn, ponder, contribute etc.  At first I didn't want to meet anyone, I was really hurting after the end of a long relationship.  I made it very very clear I didn't want to meet anyone - through my profile and as a consistent message in chat.  I really just wanted an outlet for my long unexpressed sexuality, which I found in hotchat and on cam.  All safe, all gently, all fun and all helping me get my mojo back.

Behind the scenes though, I chatted to MANY people - men and women - and it was enormously helpful in my healing process.  I met some people too, made some fantastic friends.  Had some fun adventures with  a little few men - all quite gentlemanly and decent.  And then, out of the blue, I met the love of my life on here.  One chat in hotchat, a move to msn where we chatted for 5 months, a phone call, a flight interstate to meet and a relocation interstate to start a life together.  Unexpected and amazing and incredible. 

So don't give up - anything is possible :)

lilmiss xxx

There's two sayings that should answer this question....

"Monogamy is like holding your breath...you can do it for a while but not forever"

"The couple that plays together, stays together"  (generally)  

When the meds are finally out of my system, I see that I want to shag myself stupid before I die, and definitely with more than one partner.  

Wildly anticipating

Mumma that is the beauty of honesty in a relationship and to yourself..Cheers to hot sex..

G'day Mmmmmumma!

What a can of worms you've opened...for me and no doubt others who of a similar mind set.

I would like to think I could be brave enough to commit to a long term relationship & even braver

to spread the proverbial relationship wings to include additional playmates if it meant keeping

the relationship thriving.

I'm not sure how the whole 'being in love' thing works however I imagined one would not require

the attention of others to satisfy their sexual urges as their attention and affection would be channelled

toward their partner. I understand sex can become stale if one allows it to happen but surely there is more

to this love thing than changing the face & minor details of the body you're shagging at the time?

What is it like to make love? What is it like to unconditionally connect with a person with whom you also include

sexual intimacy? What is it like to watch this person embroiled in a passionate embrace with someone other

than yourself?

Gimme a gun and uniform to protect my country...gimme a legislation in which to take measures to assist

keeping vulnerable people safe from predators....and help put them back together again.....BUT expect

me to fall in love & share that person's intimacy with nameless faceless others or worse, potential candidates

with whom I could risk losing my lover to....Fark! Call me a coward!!!

Man..feeling ever so emotionally naked right about now!!!!

Anna xxxxxx

Myname..when i love someone it's deeply and passionatly and it's unconnditional...thus avoiding unrealistic expectations
as no one can live up to anothers  percieved ideals..as great relationship takes daily work,but it takes both partners to reach the same goals...yet allowing each to grow together and as individuals..not trying to make /change ones partner into what we want...but take each other for who we are...being friends to start with..has value, bigest part is being able to communicate
openly and honesty.and taking time to really hear what is said..therefore a greater understanding can be gained.

Love doesnt keep account of hurt but forgives due to understanding and empathy.as we are only imperfect humans that learn and grow all the time..gaining wisdom..to pass down to our children.

xoxoxoxmumma..

Thanks Mumma,

for not judging, critiquing or preaching. At the risk of repeating myself

 I'm an avid student in matters such as discussed not only in this particular

 topic, but life in general & value your feedback & insights.

respect & gratitude,

J xx

I think its a pretty sad world we live in when people only care about sexual gratiification, not whether there is someone out there who they actually enjoy the company of for other reasons as well

There is absolutely nothing more satisfying than one person who you share everything with, someone who actually gives a shit if you are sick, if you need help with moving the furniture, the list goes on.  No casual sex will ever replace it. End of story