I've just been accused of being a "METRO-SEXUAL". Literally 10 seconds ago. I'm gutted. I hate those bloody metro man-bitches. So I thought I'd turn to the RHP Forum (AKA My Support Group) for some advice.
Apparently, it's because I use St. Ives Apricot Scrub and moisturiser on my face (not every day!), I "Veet" my back wheels and I use Palmolive Honey Shower Milk. I mean, I brush my teeth and shower twice a day too... Do I need to discontinue bathing??
Does this make me a metro? How do you define a metro? I think I have a long way to go yet don't I? I always thought a metro was a male who was gay in every way, but only has sex with women... That is so very NOT Ridgie Boy!!
How do I de-metro myself?? Pleeeease fix me!!!
Maybe a Metro-Sexual Anonymous?? "Hi I'm Ridge Forester - And I'm a Metro-Sexual"... Stalky... do you have their number?
Hey Ridge,
Been called a "metro-sexual" should be taken as a compliment. From my undersstanding it's a man whom knows what is required to undertaken to improve appearance with aim to attract a lady. (Actually a higher class lady, such as porn stars ;o) ). Here in Oz, majority of males are brutes and do not look after themselves. Do you really think they'd be stars in such films?? All non metro-sexuals are only lowering the par for those whom are understanding of women.
Not in any way does been called "metro-sexual" mean that one is calling another bi-sexual. Sorry I just did not want metro and gay to be in the same sentance.
Grooming, shavind, moisturising, good shampoo, latest fashion clothing, attractive underwear, flashy shoes, all go towards a male been vane in the knowlegde of a female undertaking the exact same motions to attract a male. If they do it, they why shouldn't we. They appreciate it and we appreciate it. Come to think of it, maybe metro-sexual is another term for been vane??
Plus metro-sexuals are way more attractive later in life with no wrinkles, no unshaven faces, clear complexions than their counterparts, the brute male. Why should there be a metr-sexual annoymous meeting for those who actually care about how they look?
Now on the other hand, some women are attracted to the brute. But metro-sexuals have the upper hand as they too can easily go to the gym and have even larger muscles, but I say to the ladies,
*If you ladies had two men in front of you, who'd you choose, the metro-sexual or the brute? Both are of same height, tan and build.**
Lets see how the question goes and I do hpe your much comfortable with been labelled a metro-sexual.
Chiverlyone
PS: I'm metro-sexual, straight, and can pack one hell of a punch in a fight. Can play both roles, brute and metro.
Well Ridge.. you do seem to have overdone it a little on the product.There'll be no room in the van for all that stuff.... what with all the extra lube and such we'll be carrying.. some things have to go... palmolive honey shower milk for a start... I mean, I'll wash your back .. and you can wash mine... I happen to have an anti wrinkle cream you can borrow... you just smear it in and let it set... it feels a little crackly at first but it's the same one Cameron Diaz didnt seem to mind in that movie so I guess you'll get used to it.
Being Metro has nothing to do with a person's sexuality Ridge. You can be a very masculine guy... which you almost are, discounting for the product, and still be gay... so it's really no indication... however, being in touch with your feminine side.. well, that's definitely metro. We, as in Jeano and me at least, (as opposed to "us") don't understand women at all and we accept that there is no hope, so we don't try, even though Jeano i spretty darn good at covering that up... And your mistake is that this is not about bathing.... it's because the more product you use the closer you get to your feminine side... which means if you start to smell like a woman, don't be surprised when Jeano jumps you in the dead of night... I mean, you've seen him dance... so you really ought to fear the experience of him demonstrating the doggy sex thing he talks about!
De-metro... by emptying your beauty bag in the bin and hand that bag back to your mum. She's been looking for it.
As for .. "MA meetings ~ do I have their number".... I'm not attracted to girly type men so the answer is simply no. :p
Hugs
Stalkyboy
Recommended Actions Required to De-Metro your Straight Arse:
1. Put your (sexy) self on a plane;
2. Fly to Newcastle;
3. Get picked up by Baygirl2315;
4. She will fuck you senseless;
5. Blow you every which way and sideways; and
6. Return your dirty sweaty body home on a plane (without showering) smelling distinctly like sex; and
7. When you get home exhausted, spent and hardly walking; the realisation that you haven't even showered will shock you completely and that you have in fact "manned up" as a result. You will savour the sensation of how good it feels to be so fuc*ing dirty from sex again - and not a product in sight or even thought of.
De-Metro Sexualisaton Complete.
call me...... promise i will fix you
Hey Stalky... I was already a little worried about Jeano. Now that it's out in the open, and I've discovered that I'm a little bit girly, I'm starting to reconsider going on this trip. I like Jeano and all... but I'm a bit scared that he might like my man-smell a little bit too much... They say he's hung like a donkey, and don't want a donkey sneaking into my bunk while I'm asleep.
I think we need to schedule a pre-departure crisis meeting... :P We need to deal with my product obsession.
I have nothing against gay men, and I don't think they're all metros. lol. One of my bestest bestest mates is actually gay... and he is most definitely not a metro... haha.
Just posting this in good fun... on reading it again, it may have come across as a little abrasive so I do apologise if I have upset anyone :( I was just a little rattled after my man-ness was doubted...
PS... That definition of a metro that I gave was actually given to me by a gay person... lol. So don't read too much into that either... I'm not here to pick on anyone.
(God... I'm getting all sensitive now too!! I really am getting all girly??)
You cant delay the trip .. cant you see there will be thousands of dissapointed lovers waiting at their front gates for a van that does not arrive?
No, my friend, no. You sound like a wimp now. What you have to do.. and be pretty smart about doing it, is man up and get yourself on that plane to Newcastle just as the delightful Miss baygirl has suggested and take your medicine like a man, not some pimped up half pretty hairless ballsacked flower smelling tree hugging fancy watch wearing david beckham product wearing metro sexual. Come home smelling like sex and armpits.. throw the product away, and take 20 minutes to sniff yourself then look in the mirror and repeat after me 20 times... "I love smelling like this, all covered in love crumbs"... now get on that bus soldier.
Stalky
Quoting: 'How do I de-metro myself?? Pleeeease fix me!!!'
Dont. U r doing just fine. Just my opininon.( stole that line from some smart chick...heheheh)
dont worry
i get wise cracks about going shopping, my knowledge of women and worrying about my hair..
luckily iam all man....and girls, couples never doubt that when we play ...lol
Usually its wise cracks from scruffy girls or yobbo aussie guys...so i just laugh and make jokes :)
Good to look after yourself and improve yourself ...for YOU
have fun
Neo
You and mumma are just being seduced by his beautiful smile, straight teeth, devilish demeanre and charisma. A guy really is only attractive in the flesh if he smells like a guy... so that his pheremones aren't being blocked... and all that mush he uses... well you wait and see when the caravan comes by... his masculinity is being masked by the remnants of that mudpack he used to clean his pores.... No. No. No. Ridge. A bit of palmolive gold and a subtle hint of cologne is all you need.... sure gargle, brush and trim... if you need moisturiser on your face... just get some very accomodating lady to sit on it.
HUgs
Thankyou Jengirl. At last some stylish advice. :p For a minute there was I was beginning to wonder if I am the only styleKING here ~ (and Jean)!